The Angel Of Light

Être vrai!

2009-09-21T17:58:00.003-04:00

Vous sans voile.

Etre sincère ne se résume pas à exprimer toutes ses pensées. C’est une quête qui passe d’abord par l’introspection, l’honnêteté envers soi-même. Un chemin parfois difficile mais tentant, parce qu’il mène à plus de force et de légèreté.

Françoise, analyste financière en quête d’emploi, garde un souvenir cuisant de son dernier passage chez un recruteur. « A un moment, le consultant m’a regardée droit dans les yeux et m’a demandé : “Quelles compétences particulières pouvez-vous apporter à mon client ?” Je ne m’attendais pas à cette demande. J’ai alors senti une boule se former dans mon ventre. Mille réponses s’entrechoquaient dans ma tête, et j’ai bredouillé que je connaissais bien la fiscalité américaine, ce qui est totalement faux ! »

Désormais, Françoise redoute d’être convoquée pour un deuxième entretien, alors même qu’elle devrait l’espérer. Combien de fois nous prenons-nous ainsi les pieds dans le tapis ? Combien de fois, pour éviter l’inconfort d’assumer nos failles (ou nos talents !), nous retrouvons-nous en porte-à-faux avec nous-même ? D’ailleurs, qu’aurait pu répondre Françoise ? Sa vérité du moment, à savoir qu’elle n’avait pas pensé à une telle question ? Aurait-elle dû se raccrocher aux compétences qu’elle peut nommer – sa rigueur dans les chiffres, sa grande capacité de concentration… –, mais qui n’ont pas de quoi bluffer un consultant ?

Sa vérité, à ce moment-là, se situait probablement entre ces deux options : montrer qu’elle était déstabilisée et s’appuyer sur ce qu’elle connaît d’elle.

Tout dire ?

Aujourd’hui, l’injonction collective à tout dévoiler de soi laisse penser qu’être vrai revient à « tout » dire. Que la révélation totale suffit à faire de vous quelqu’un d’aimable. Comme dans l’émission culte de M6, où les Lofteurs semblaient travaillés par une absolue sincérité quand ils faisaient face à la caméra pour déballer leurs états d’âme : « J’ai pas aimé… J’étais triste quand L. s’est rapprochée de lui. D’ailleurs je sais que, la nuit dernière, elle l’a mis dans son lit… », confie l’honnête Lofteuse au moment du « confessionnal cathodique ». En fait, cette fille s’adresse à la France entière pour balancer sa copine et désigner la candidate à exclure. Est-ce cela « être vrai » ? Est-ce cela la télé-« réalité » ? Suffit-il de révéler tous ses sentiments, ses ressentis pour faire avaler la pilule au public ?

« La télévision est particulièrement pourvoyeuse et friande de ce voyeurisme, écrit l’essayiste Olivier Bardolle, auteur des Ravages du manque de sincérité dans les relations humaines (L’Esprit des péninsules, 2006). Les projecteurs appellent naturellement la confession, le grand déballage, et leur cortège d’émotions débordantes et incontrôlables (enfin). Dans la lumière des projecteurs, désormais sur la scène, reconnu par tous […], le bonhomme se retrouve parfaitement perdu, à la manière d’un insecte plaqué sous le microscope de l’entomologiste. »

Mais dans nos relations plus quotidiennes, est-il possible d’être totalement transparent aux autres ? « Il serait naïf de le penser, avancent Edmond Marc et Dominique Picard, professeurs de psychologie. Nous formons notre identité en élevant des barrières par rapport aux autres. Nous nous construisons entre le dit et le non-dit. Quelqu’un de “totalement vrai”, quelqu’un qui n’aurait plus de frein entre son discours intérieur et son discours verbal…, c’est quelqu’un qui parle tout seul, à voix haute, dans la rue ! »

Un sentiment d’intégrité

Ainsi, pour ces spécialistes de la relation, l’authenticité dans la communication est-elle toujours une recherche, un compromis entre ce que l’on veut exprimer et ce que l’on pense acceptable pour l’autre. « Etre vrai, ce n’est pas dire tout ce que l’on pense, ajoute Edmond Marc. Mais c’est ressentir et penser tout ce que l’on dit. »

Cette aptitude se travaille. Et le grand psychologue américain Carl R. Rogers (fondateur de l’approche centrée sur la personne -ACP- une méthode psychothérapeutique majeure qui a profondément influencé la psychologie humaniste) lui a donné un nom : la « congruence ». Particulièrement nourrissante pour l’individu et la relation, cette qualité s’atteint lorsqu’il y a concordance entre ce que je ressens, ce dont je prends conscience, et ce que j’exprime à l’autre. Un parallélisme, un équilibre presque parfaits qui me donnent mon intégrité. Muriel, cadre dans un laboratoire pharmaceutique, confie travailler pour atteindre cette congruence grâce aux formations sur l’authenticité que son entreprise propose depuis plus de quatre ans.

« En tant que responsable d’un grand service, j’ai compris que je peux tout dire à mes collaborateurs. A condition de prendre un temps pour moi afin de trouver les clés sur la manière dont je vais l’exprimer. Ainsi, chacun de mes collègues sait ce que je pense de son travail. Parce que j’ai appris à le leur dire en les respectant. Etre vraie, dans mon management, c’est être en équilibre par rapport à ce que je pense. »

Etre honnête avec soi

Impossible d’être authentique, donc, si l’on ne l’est pas d’abord avec soi-même. Si l’on n’est pas à l’écoute profonde, sans fard, de ses films intérieurs que l’on veut bien regarder… en version originale. Nos colères dévastatrices, avec leurs images cruelles en Technicolor ? Nos angoisses rampantes ? Telles sont sans doute les parts de soi les plus difficiles à accepter pour tout à chacun. Comme l’ont montré les plus grands psychanalystes – Freud, Jung… –, tant de zones de nous-même nous dérangent et nous restent opaques !

Nos traumatismes refoulés, nos désirs inconscients, notre « ombre » surtout, ces sentiments négatifs et désagréables – honte, peur ou mépris – que nous ne voulons surtout pas regarder par crainte qu’ils nous détruisent. Ce sont eux les réels obstacles à notre quête d’authenticité.Mais ces obstacles ne sont pas insurmontables, comme cherche à le montrer ce dossier. Plus d’introspection, de connaissance de ses propres sentiments facilitent forcément une « vraie rencontre » avec l’autre. Et même si l’on n’a pas appris à le faire dans son milieu d’origine, il n’est jamais trop tard pour apprendre une telle « grammaire relationnelle » en compagnie de ses propres enfants.

Car s’il y a un bonheur à être vrai, ce n’est pas d’abord pour obéir à un dogme, comme nous y invite la confession dans la religion catholique. C’est parce que cela enrichit et simplifie nos vies. Enrichissement de pouvoir vivre intensément nos sentiments, d’exprimer notre être profond, de pouvoir réinventer chaque jour nos relations. Et simplicité de pouvoir se présenter sans fard ni hypocrisie, donc sans charge sur les épaules. Comme le bébé que nous avons été lorsqu’il s’est présenté au monde. Si nu, si fragile, et pourtant si fort.

Pour plus d'info

Mettez du Zen dans votre couple

2009-09-16T19:46:00.005-04:00

Faire au mieux avec qui nous sommes pourrait résumer la philosophie du couple zen. Voici trois objectifs pour vous mettre sur la voie. Et cesser de courir après un idéal de vie inaccessible.

Dans un monde parfait, il suffirait de simplement s’aimer pour goûter durablement aux délices de la vie à deux. Les conflits se résoudraient harmonieusement, "routine" serait un mot inconnu. Aucun d’entre nous ne croit sérieusement que ce monde puisse exister. Pourtant, et ce n’est pas le moindre de nos paradoxes, non seulement nous n’avons pas fait le deuil de cette perfection, mais nous la cultivons, tel un jardin secret. Nous attendons l’amour dans nos vies comme les enfants attendent leurs cadeaux sous le sapin. Pas question d’être déçus ni frustrés, nous voulons tout : la durée et la nouveauté, la tendresse et le piment, la ressemblance et la différence.

Au fil des années, le niveau de notre exigence s’est accru, au point qu’aux premiers orages dans la relation amoureuse surgissent les grandes peurs et les grands doutes : suis-je condamné à l’échec ? Me suis-je trompé de partenaire ? Est-ce « le début de la fin » ? Et si nos attentes, autrement dit l’idée que nous nous faisons d’une relation idéale, étaient justement les principaux obstacles à une vie à deux épanouissante ?

Nous croulons sous les conseils et les avis d’experts : surmonter les crises, relancer le désir, retisser les liens de l’intimité… Il se pourrait que nous nous épuisions à courir derrière un idéal qui ne cesse de s’éloigner, tout simplement parce que nous avons oublié que, comme disent les bouddhistes, « la voie est sous nos pieds ». A force de courir, nous avons peut-être perdu notre chemin : celui de la réalité.

Etre zen en couple ne signifie pas autre chose que faire au mieux avec ce qui est, plutôt que mettre toute son énergie à atteindre ce qui "serait". « Faire avec » n’est pas, pour cette philosophie, une invitation à la résignation mais, bien au contraire, une invitation à la créativité. Celle dont se plaignent justement de manquer tant de couples dans l’impasse.

1er objectif : rejeter nos certitudes

Combien d’entre nous ont une idée préconçue de la relation avant même de s’engager ? Combien ont la certitude de connaître par cœur leur partenaire ? Ces certitudes sont rassurantes, elles grandissent au fil du temps et chacun devient alors la croyance de l’autre, façonné par ses attentes. Jusqu’au jour où la lassitude fait voler les barreaux de la cage ou que l’un des deux partenaires se révèle sous un jour inconnu…

Le principe : Tuer le Bouddha« Si tu rencontres le Bouddha, tue le Bouddha ! » Cette réplique du maître chinois Lin-Tsi est certainement l’exhortation la plus déroutante du bouddhisme zen. Que signifie-t-elle ? Simplement que nous ne devons pas nous accrocher à une croyance, fût-elle la plus sacrée. Pour le bouddhisme zen, seule l’expérience est source de connaissance, et non l’idée, même brillante, que nous nous faisons d’une situation ou d’une personne. « Tuer le Bouddha », c’est le premier pas vers la liberté. Cet acte, qui consiste à se défaire de ses attentes, mais aussi de ses croyances et de ses préjugés, est, dans la vie amoureuse, le plus difficile à accomplir.

La pratique : Adopter l’esprit de débutantShoshin signifie, en japonais, l’esprit de débutant. « Lorsque nous n’avons pas l’idée de la réalisation, pas l’idée de soi, nous sommes de vrais débutants. Alors nous pouvons réellement apprendre quelque chose », écrit Shunryu Suzuki (1). Cet esprit, bien plus difficile à acquérir selon les maîtres zen que l’esprit de l’expert, ne peut se développer que si l’on accepte de tordre le cou à ses croyances et à ses habitudes.

Bannissez les « toujours » et les « jamais » quand vous vous adressez à votre partenaire.

N’assénez pas vos certitudes : « Je savais que tu réagirais comme ça », « Tu fais le mauvais choix, tu vas te planter », « Je sais ce que tu vas dire », etc.

N’énoncez pas de lois générales : « Tu ne sais pas t’y prendre avec les enfants », « Tu manques d’ambition », « Tu ne penses qu’à toi ».

Cultivez le « pourquoi pas ? »Sortez de vos idées préconçues sur vous, sur lui (elle). Dans les discussions, efforcez-vous d’adopter son point de vue, simplement pour casser vos automatismes mentaux. Acceptez les propositions qui ne vous tentent pas a priori, juste pour en faire l’expérience.

Partagez vos émotions, vos découvertes, vos petites joies. Comme aux premiers jours de la relation. Ne faites pas des problèmes et des reproches le seul « pot commun ».

2ème objectif : traverser les conflits

Désaccord sur l’éducation des enfants, partage des tâches ménagères, projets de vacances… Les motifs de conflits dans le couple ne manquent pas. Les divergences se transforment en accusations et les critiques en réquisitoires. La colère brouille les esprits et empêche toute confrontation constructive.

Le principe : Recycler la colèreA la source de tout conflit, il y a la colère. Elle explose d’autant plus facilement dans l’intimité qu’elle s’affranchit de tous les garde-fous qui la contiennent habituellement dans notre vie sociale. La colère est nourrie par le ressentiment, un sentiment d’injustice, ou par ce que l’autre touche en nous de vulnérable. Dans le bouddhisme zen, il n’y a aucune honte à ressentir la colère, émotion humaine comme une autre. L’étouffer pour adopter une impassibilité de surface n’est bon ni pour soi ni pour l’autre. L’utiliser pour prendre le dessus sur l’autre mène dans une impasse. En revanche, nous pouvons nous servir de cette énergie pour avancer à deux de manière constructive. Car dans la philosophie zen, cette émotion ne devient destructrice que si l’on s’en sert mal.

La pratique : Respirer et revenir à soiExpirer la colère. Le maître zen Thich Nhat Hanh préconise, pour faire baisser la pression, un exercice très simple. Lorsque vous vous sentez emporté par la colère, quelques minutes peuvent vous calmer en profondeur. Prenez une inspiration nasale profonde en souriant et en vous disant : « Inspirant, je souris », puis expirez, toujours par le nez, profondément, en vous disant : « Expirant, j’expire ma colère. (in Soyez libre là où vous êtes - Dangles, 2003). »

Revenir à soi.« Chaud, froid, c’est vous qui l’expérimentez ! » lançait maître Taisen Deshimaru à ses étudiants, leur rappelant ainsi que chaque expérience personnelle est subjective. De l’eau froide sera froide pour l’un, glacée pour un autre. Autrement dit, les conflits s’enveniment dès que l’on essaie de convaincre l’autre de l’infaillibilité de son point de vue au lieu de s’en tenir à la seule expression de son ressenti ou de son expérience. Lesquels ne doivent être ni jugés, ni commentés. Chacun doit pouvoir aller au bout de son récit sans être interrompu ou agressé. Quand la colère menace de l’emporter, il est toujours possible de suspendre la discussion : « Je suis trop énervé pour discuter, j’ai besoin de me calmer. »

Faire part de sa difficulté à communiquer dans une ambiance émotionnellement éprouvante fait aussitôt baisser la tension d’un cran. Revenir à soi, en prenant soin de sa colère, en témoignant de sa seule expérience, permet de rester ancré dans l’ici et le maintenant, et de ne pas empiéter sur le territoire de l’autre.

3ème objectif : mettre fin à la routine

Travailler, s’occuper des enfants, faire les courses… Et le couple dans tout ça ? Le plaisir d’être ensemble s’est progressivement transformé en une routine parfois pesante, les habitudes ont usé l’amour. Comment réenchanter le quotidien ?

Le principe : Devenir le “tenzo” de son coupleLa pratique du zen est une célébration de la vie quotidienne. Aucun acte ordinaire n’est à négliger. Ce n’est pas un hasard si, au XIIIe siècle, le grand maître Dôgen a fait du tenzo (le chef cuisinier) le second du monastère, juste derrière l’abbé. Car c’est dans la répétition des gestes humbles que l’esprit vigilant se libère des chimères du passé et du futur, et que la conscience s’affûte, comme un couteau. Devenir le tenzo de son couple exige que l’on accorde le même regard à tout ce qui se présente à nous.

« Ne regardez pas les choses ordinaires avec un regard ordinaire, avec des sentiments et des pensées ordinaires. […] Quand vous avez affaire à une matière grossière, ne la traitez pas sans égards ; faites preuve envers elle d’autant de diligence et d’attentions que si vous étiez en présence d’un objet précieux (in Instructions au cuisinier Zen - Le Promeneur, 1994) » Enfin, Dôgen, conscient que, sans efforts pour veiller à l’harmonie autour de soi, les conseils sur la pratique seraient insuffisants, rappelle au tenzo : « Si vous ne voulez pas que le désordre règne autour de vous, n’empiétez pas sur les droits des autres. »

La pratique : Les six saveurs et les trois vertusDans le règlement des monastères établi par Dôgen, il est dit : « Si les six saveurs ne sont pas en harmonie et si les trois vertus sont absentes, ce plat n’est pas digne d’être préparé. » Quels sont les ingrédients de votre vie de couple ? A vous de déterminer :

Les six saveurs (amer, acide, doux, piquant, salé, fade). Quelle saveur manque à votre relation ? Laquelle utilisez-vous sans modération ? Quelle saveur craignez-vous d’utiliser ? Laquelle vous rebute ? Pourquoi ? Toutes ces saveurs doivent cohabiter en harmonie. Une pincée de chacune favorise une relation riche et créative.

Les trois vertus. La souplesse-légèreté se réfère à la faculté d’adaptation et à la capacité à dédramatiser une situation. Elle vous fait défaut si vous avez tendance à l’exagération. Vous restez campé sur vos positions. La netteté-fraîcheur évoque l’intégrité, l’absence de préjugés, la transparence, l’esprit de débutant. Elle vous fait défaut si vous avez tendance à faire des cachotteries. Vous donnez votre avis avant d’avoir toutes les informations pour forger votre opinion. Le soin-précision renvoie à la vigilance, à la constance et au goût du "bien faire". Cette vertu vous fait défaut si, face aux épreuves, vous renoncez facilement. Vous dites fréquemment : « Personne n’est parfait ! » pour justifier vos manquements.

Maintenant, vous n’avez plus, comme le préconise Dôgen, qu’à « retrousser vos manches » !

More Info

Couple en vacances!

2009-08-18T16:51:00.002-04:00

Mettre son couple en vacances

Finie la routine conjugale, place aux vacances. Changement de décor, atmosphère de détente et de sensualité… La pause estivale marque les retrouvailles du couple. L’occasion de dynamiser sa relation amoureuse, de stimuler le désir ou encore de se redécouvrir mutuellement. Comment déconnecter à deux ? Se créer des moments d’intimité ? Se séduire ? Tout au long de l’été, voici des pistes pour offrir des vacances à votre couple.

Tout au long de l'été, retrouvez, chaque lundi, les conseils de Christel Petitcollin, psychothérapeute, et d'Alain Héril, psychothérapeute et sexothérapeute, pour des vacances en couple réussies.

Changer de rythme

On en rêve toute l’année… Ne plus seulement se croiser. Laisser derrière soi la course quotidienne contre la montre pour vivre tranquillement à deux durant quelques semaines. Au ralenti. Mettre en mode pause le tourbillon dans lequel chacun est pris, entre travail, famille, amis et hobbies. « En vacances, chacun retrouve du temps et de la disponibilité pour l’autre, contrairement à la vie quotidienne où il a mille choses à faire », commente Christel Peticollin, psychothérapeute. « Le tout dans un lieu différent, loin des préoccupations habituelles ». L’occasion pour le couple de prendre du temps pour lui.

Promenades, siestes, après-midi au bord de la piscine… « Il faut absolument débrayer », continue-t-elle. « En vacances, nous n’avons plus de rythme. Nous nous retrouvons dans les conditions du jardin d’Eden, à connaître la chaleur et à n’avoir rien à faire qu’écouter et respecter notre biorythme. Pourquoi alors s’imposer un planning chargé et se dire sans cesse ‘il faut que l’on fasse cela’, ‘il faut que l’on se lève à telle heure’ » ?

Vous reprendrez bien un peu de farniente ?

Les idées de la rédaction de psychologies.com

- On dort. On range les montres et les réveils. Grasse matinée, sieste après le déjeuner… Autant d’occasions de se lover dans les bras de l’être aimé !

- Halte aux repas pris sur le pouce, on prend le temps de manger. On cuisine ensemble le repas, ou on s’offre un bon petit restaurant. Avant, on boit l’apéro. On passe des heures à table, en tête-à-tête. Miam !

- Tous les matins, on s’offre un café sur une terrasse ensoleillée. Ou on obtient de son homme qu’il nous l’apporte au lit, ou sur notre transat au bord de la piscine. Y a-t-il un meilleur moyen de commencer la journée qu’en partageant un café ?

Et vous, comment faites-vous pour débrayer à deux ? Racontez-nous dans notre forum !

Booster son capital séduction

Corps dévoilés à la limite de la nudité, peaux offertes au soleil… En été, l’heure est à la séduction. « L’atmosphère naturellement érotisée se vit avec agréabilité », explique Alain Héril, sexothérapeute. « Chacun montre ses outils de séduction plus facilement. » Un lâcher prise propre à la saison qui ne peut être que bénéfique au couple. « Pendant l’année, l’autre perçoit notre corps de manière habituelle, désérotisée. Il est important de jouer avec ce regard qu’il pose sur nous. » Et l’été permet de le surprendre en osant la transparence, d’attiser son désir par un jeu subtil entre le voilé et le dévoilé. En somme, de se rendre désirable et désirant(e). Objectif : redécouvrir son potentiel de séduction. « Tout est une question d’intentionnalité : si l’on a l’intention de séduire, l’autre portera sur nous un regard différent », ajoute Alain Héril. Et pour ceux qui seraient freinés par des complexes ou des appréhensions, le thérapeute conseille de regarder les autres s’exposer, se montrer. « Voyez la façon dont ils vivent leur corps comme quelque chose d’agréable, de serein, de tranquille. Projetez en vous ce que vous supposez qu’ils éprouvent comme plaisir ».

Les idées de la rédaction de psychologies.com

- On se fait belle. On va au spa, au hammam, se faire masser… On prend soin de soi. Et de lui : à deux, le massage, c’est tout de même plus sympa !

- Un maillot confortable, c’est bien, un maillot confortable, et dans lequel on se sent belle, c’est encore mieux. Alors on ose : la couleur, le décolleté, la forme… Et on lâche le paréo ou la serviette de bain.

- Le soir, on porte cette ravissante petite robe que l’on n’a jamais osé mettre pendant l’année. Et on voit des étoiles briller dans les yeux de son bien-aimé.

Se créer des moments d'intimité

Existe t-il un moment plus idéal que les vacances pour se retrouver à deux ? Pour recréer une véritable intimité au sein du couple ? Non, à condition toutefois d’accepter de débrancher. De se déconnecter du travail. De lâcher les enfants. Plus facile à dire… qu’à faire ! D’autant que les téléphones portables et ordinateurs glissés dans la valise conjugale ne risquent pas de nous y aider. « Mais les vacances sont les vacances », rappelle Christel Petitcollin. « On ne devrait pas parler travail. Surtout si c’est pour ruminer les contraintes qu’il peut parfois imposer ». La solution ? « Avant de partir, mettez en place un signal, un code, à utiliser dès que la conversation s’orientera vers lui. Cela peut-être juste un son comme ‘bip bip’. C’est moins agressif que de dire ‘tu vois, tu recommences !’ » L’un des deux conjoints doit impérativement travailler pendant les vacances ? Qu’il se fixe une plage horaire, comme une heure le soir, avant de dîner. A ne pas dépasser !

Autre difficulté, le tête-à-tête du couple, pourtant essentiel, lors de vacances en famille. « Nous avons tendance à oublier qu’une famille est constituée d’un couple parental et d’un couple conjugal », analyse la psychothérapeute. « Il n’y a pas que Papa et Maman. Le couple conjugal doit être entretenu pendant que les enfants grandissent, sinon, il sera mort quand ils quitteront le nid. » Alors on inscrit les enfants à un cours de voile pour s’offrir une petite escapade en amoureux…

Les idées de la rédaction de psychologies.com

- On est d’accord, on ne parle pas ni des problèmes de boulot, ni des beaux-parents, ou des ex. Oui, on sait, on s’en doutait. Mais mieux vaut parfois faire une piqure de rappel avant de partir.

- Au moins un soir dans les vacances, on se loue une chambre d’hôtel, surtout si on passe les vacances en famille. Pour une soirée romantique en perspective.

- S’il y a une chose que l’on se permet d’oublier chez soi, c’est l’ordinateur. Et on coupe les portables le soir. Surtout s’ils nous permettent d’avoir accès à Internet. Après tout, on aura tout le temps en revenant de se tenir au courant des derniers résultats sportifs ou des nouveautés de chez Tara Jarmon.

Et vous, comment parvenez-vous à créer des moments d'intimité ? Réagissez dans notre forum !

Renouer avec la sensualité

L’été est fait de plaisirs simples, de nouvelles senteurs, de nouvelles saveurs. Marcher pieds nus sur la plage, se dorer au soleil, découvrir la gastronomie locale… L’occasion rêvée pour renouer avec nos sens, que nous avons tendance à oublier pendant l’année. « C’est le moment où nous redécouvrons que nous avons une peau », résume Alain Héril. « Le reste du temps, nous n’en avons pas une perception très nette. » En été, place au plaisir de découvrir à deux des endroits inconnus, de surprendre nos papilles gustatives, de sentir, toucher, caresser… De vivre avec nos sens. « On a la sensation que le corps est plus libre », renchérit le psychothérapeute. « Il se dénude, sans être complètement nu ; se montre, tout en se cachant. Cela érotise la relation et crée une autre circulation de la sensualité et de la sensorialité. C’est le lit d’une possible sexualité, plus épanouie, sereine, joyeuse ! »

Les idées de la rédaction de psychologies.com

- « Pfff allez, tourne-toi ». Qui n’a jamais entendu son bien-aimé soupirer (voire râler !) au moment de nous appliquer de la crème solaire dans le dos ? Alors on lui montre que la « corvée » peut devenir un plaisir en transformant l’étalage rapide de crème en un long massage. Il est conquis ? A lui d’en faire autant…

- Un peu transparentes, on les enfile pendant l’année par-dessus un petit top. En vacances, laissons tomber ce dernier pour ne garder que nos jolies blouses blanches. Très à la mode, elles suggèrent, sans les montrer totalement, des parties de notre corps très peu exposées pendant l’année...

- Baumes, parfums, crèmes en tout genres… On a tendance, en été, à se couvrir de produits aux senteurs plus délicieuses les unes que les autres… Et si on cessait un peu de se parfumer pour redécouvrir une odeur en particulier : celle de l'autre...

Et vous, avez-vous une façon particulière de renouer avec la sensualité pendant les vacances ? Racontez-nous dans notre forum !

Communiquer

« Le dialogue doit être la priorité numéro un d’un couple ». Pour Christel Peticollin, « la majorité des divorces est due à un manque de communication. Pour qu’un couple aille bien, il faut qu’il se parle. » Et d’autres sujets que de ses seules préoccupations quotidiennes. Les vacances offrent ce luxe particulier de pouvoir prendre le temps de discuter ensemble : de tout et de rien, de son ressenti, de ses envies… Un peu comme aux premiers temps de la relation amoureuse. Alors pourquoi ne pas en profiter pour redécouvrir l’autre et le plaisir d’échanger avec lui ?

A condition toutefois de s’interdire une chose : asséner toutes les critiques et reproches que l’on n’a pas eu le temps d’exprimer pendant l’année. « Les vacances ne sont surtout pas le moment de régler ses comptes », prévient la psychothérapeute. « On ne parle pas en juillet-août de ce qui s’est passé en janvier. Il y a prescription. Ressasser, c’est le meilleur moyen de détruire un couple. » Et de conclure : « Par contre, les vacances sont le bon moment pour réapprendre à vivre au présent et à le savourer. Réapprendre à être présent à soi et à l’autre ».

Les idées de la rédaction de psychologies.com

- Le soir, on refait le monde des heures durant, à deux, en dégustant un mojito.
- On se laisse des mots doux sur des post-it. Pratiques - et moins salissants que le rouge à lèvres sur le miroir de la salle de bains -, on peut en coller partout.
- A l’heure des SMS et des mails, on la dit dépassée. Pourtant, recevoir une lettre reste un plaisir sans égal. Surtout quand elle vient de son bien-aimé.
Et vous, changez-vous quelque chose à votre manière de communiquer avec l'autre pendant les vacances ? Longues discussions, lettres d'amour... Racontez-nous sur notre forum !

Stimuler le désir

Une sensualité omniprésente, un désir qui circule et s’exprime plus librement… Dans nos esprits, été rime avec érotisme, sensualité. Sexualité. Au point de devenir parfois une source de pression pour le couple. « Souvent, les couples qui ont un problème de désir attendent avec impatience les vacances pour renouer avec leur vie sexuelle », raconte Alain Héril, sexothérapeute. « Oui, les vacances sont un bon moment pour se retrouver sexuellement, mais il ne faut pas trop prévoir ou codifier les choses, au risque de passer à côté de ces retrouvailles. Le plus important dans la sexualité, c’est d’être bien dans sa peau, dans son corps, dans son désir, plutôt que d’avoir en tête un scénario de relation sexuelle. »

Après, rien n’empêche de pimenter un peu ses vacances en laissant libre cours à son imagination et à sa créativité. Sortir de la chambre conjugale, profiter des siestes pour se masser, se câliner, se caresser, tenter de nouvelles choses… Quel plaisir de casser la routine ! Mais pour Alain Héril, « le plus important, c’est de pouvoir parler de sa sexualité dans le couple. Ils sont trop nombreux à ne pas le faire. Attention, il ne s’agit pas de faire des reproches à l’autre parce qu’il ne fait ou ne veut pas ça, mais de se demander où l’on en est dans son désir, quels sont ses désirs, ses fantasmes… Que cela soit à midi, allongés au bord de la piscine, ou sur la plage, il y a un espace pour le faire en vacances. En parler érotise la relation, la dynamise. »

Les idées de la rédaction de psychologies.com
- Après le déjeuner, avant de se coucher… On fait du massage un vrai rituel, prémisse d’une ascension vers le plaisir…
- On s’éveille à une sexualité ludique. Autrement dit, sex toys et déguisements ? Pas forcément ! Simplement, on invente des jeux propres au couple. Lecture d’un texte érotique à voix basse, foulard placé sur les yeux de son partenaire, interdiction de le caresser avec ses mains… Place à l’imagination !
- On surprend l’autre. On affole ses sens avec une tenue affriolante, on l’enivre avec l’effluve d’un nouveau parfum, on l’étonne en adoptant un comportement complètement différent au lit… De quoi exciter son désir…

Et vous, comment faites-vous pour casser la routine et stimuler vos désirs ? Racontez-nous dans notre forum .

Ne rien faire ensemble

Ah, le farniente ! Oublier le temps, n’avoir rien à faire, profiter de l’instant présent, s’ennuyer même… Quelle délicieuse sensation que cette douce oisiveté ! « Nous vivons dans un monde de frénésie et d’obligation d’activité », expose Alain Héril, psychothérapeute. « Il est important de se donner la possibilité d’être dans ce farniente à deux, de passer des journées sans n’avoir rien prévu que d’être ensemble, de se dorer au soleil, ou de flâner sur un marché de Provence. Le couple partage alors un moment où il se donne la possibilité qu’il y ait de l’inattendu, de la surprise. »

Comme celle de la découverte d’un petit village pittoresque ou d’une crique déserte à l’occasion d’une promenade, ou encore d’un bon restaurant déniché au détour d’une ruelle… Mais si certains se délectent de cette inactivité, d’autres, au contraire, ont parfois du mal à y trouver leur compte. Pour Alain Héril, « il faut accepter de vivre des moments où il ne se passe pas grand-chose. Car l’important, ce ne sont pas les activités que nous faisons, mais le fait d’être ensemble et de vivre ensemble des moments inhabituels sans tension ni stress. C’est une façon de réamorcer la phase amoureuse. »

Les idées de la rédaction de psychologies.com

- On contemple ensemble, main dans la main, les beaux paysages, les formes que prennent les nuages, le soleil couchant sur la mer, ou pour les moins chanceux, les averses de pluie. Qu’importe ! A deux sous un parapluie, ça peut être bien aussi.

- Allongés sur des transats, en plein soleil, ou sous un parasol, on écoute de la musique. On ferme les yeux, et on se laisse bercer ensemble.

- On profite de chaque instant. Pour une fois, on voit les heures passer, et c’est tant mieux !

Et vous, comment faites-vous pour vous créer des moments d'inactivité avec votre moitié ? Racontez-nous vos expériences dans notre forum.

More info

Soleil: votre programme vitalité!

2009-06-29T10:53:00.003-04:00

Depuis quelques années, la ritournelle est la même : avec l’arrivée des premiers rayons, les messages d’alerte nous priant de protéger notre peau se multiplient… au point que nous oublions parfois que le soleil à également beaucoup à nous apporter. Quelques clés pour retrouver santé, bonne humeur et beauté grâce au soleil, tout en restant vigilant.

Boostez votre santé

Dangereux pour notre peau à trop haute dose, le soleil est pourtant aussi l’un de nos plus grands alliés santé. Tout est une question de dosage.

Les bienfaits du soleilGrâce aux UVB, le soleil aide à synthétiser la vitamine D, indispensable à l’absorption du calcium et du phosphore dans notre organisme. Il aide donc a fortifié nos dents et nos os, mais joue également un rôle préventif contre certains cancers (prostate, sein, côlon) et maladies cardiovasculaires (1). Absorbés à bon escient, les rayons du soleil garantissent tonus et longévité.

Votre programme santé :- Dès le retour du soleil, exposez-vous ! La bonne fréquence : « une dizaine de minutes par jour à l’air libre toute l'année», explique Anne-Laure Chevron, naturopathe. Le moment idéal : le matin, quand les rayons ne sont pas trop intenses. Dans tous les cas, évitez l’exposition entre 11h et 16h en plein été.

- Tout au long de l’année : misez sur la bonne alimentation. Poissons gras, jaunes d’œuf, laitages, céréales germées… Certaines protéines sont riches en vitamine D et permettent d’obtenir les apports journaliers recommandés, quand le soleil n’est pas au rendez-vous ou chez les personnes susceptibles d’avoir des carences. Le bon rythme : « au moins trois fois par semaine, rappelle Anne-Laure Chevron. Les poissons doivent être la règle et les viandes – rouge notamment – l’exception, c’est une question générale de vitalité ! »

- A la rentrée : Certaines personnes sont plus susceptibles que d'autres de souffrir de carences en vitamines D (voir encadré), à commencer par les femmes enceintes ou qui viennent de terminer leur grossesse. Dans ces cas, n’hésitez pas à demander à votre médecin un bilan sanguin si vous faites partie. Après de longues semaines de soleil, c’est le moment idéal pour repérer et prévenir ces manques.

1) Voir à ce propos les travaux de la Mayo Clinic : Holick MF. Vitamin D deficiency: what a pain it is. Mayo Clin Proc. 2003;78(12):1457-1459. http://www.mayo.edu/

Retrouvez le moral… et le sommeil

Nous faisons tous le même constat : alors que l’hiver tend à nous plonger dans une période de déprime, le retour des beaux jours nous redonne le sourire. Nous nous sentons plus en forme, moins fatigués. L'explication derrière ce petit miracle de bien-être : l’effet positif du soleil sur notre métabolisme.

Les bienfaits du soleil« L’exposition à une forte lumière régule, le matin, la sécrétion de mélatonine – l’hormone responsable de notre cycle veille-sommeil, ndlr. – puis à partir de 17h, favorise l’apparition de la sérotonine, responsable du sommeil. C’est le principe reconnu de la luminothérapie : avec un bon capital lumière, nos sensations de fatigue disparaissent en journée et les nuits sont meilleures, » explique la naturopathe. En un mot, le soleil régule notre horloge biologique… et booste nos hormones de détente.

Votre programme sérénité :- Dès le retour des beaux jours : couplez effort physique et bienfaits du soleil. Une marche ou un jogging à l'air libre vous permettra non seulement de bénéficier d’une séance de luminothérapie mais aussi de bien oxygéner votre organisme. Deux solutions idéales pour surmonter les baisses de forme. Optez pendant l’effort pour une tenue courte, qui dégage si possible les bras et les jambes, pour accroître la zone d’échange entre le corps et le soleil et faciliter, par la même occasion, la synthèse de la vitamine D. Le bon rythme : une demie heure, deux à trois fois par semaine, avant 17h de préférence, pour ne pas entacher l'arrivée du sommeil.

- Tout au long de l’année : octroyez-vous une pause. Les coups de fatigue sont aussi liés à la surexposition à la lumière artificielle. Sortir 10 minutes à la lumière du jour, c’est faire le plein d’énergie mais aussi s’offrir un moment de répit face au stress du quotidien.

Sublimez votre peau

Ce n’est plus un secret : exposer la peau trop longtemps aux UV peut avoir des conséquences désastreuses, du simple coup de soleil au mélanome. Mais bien protégée, notre peau peut bénéficier de certains atouts insoupçonnés du soleil.

Les bienfaits du soleil« Le soleil à petite dose – 10 minutes par jour – favorise le bon renouvellement des cellules cutanées : il a une action antioxydante, rappelle Anne-Laure Chevron, naturopathe. Mais cet effet anti-vieillissement est inversé en cas d’exposition prolongée : « A haute dose, le soleil a une action hyper-oxydante et les UV libèrent les radicaux libres qui s’attaquent au collagène de la peau, » souligne-t-elle. Résultat : la peau perd de son elasticité, de sa souplesse, de sa résistance et de son hydratation, des signes de vieillissement prématurés apparaissent (taches, rides). Quant aux risques de maladies de peau, ils se démultiplient au fil du temps d’exposition.

Votre programme beauté :- Un mois à 2 mois avant l’exposition : préparez votre peau pour la protéger des agressions du soleil, favoriser et prolonger le bronzage. Le duo gagnant d’Anne-Laure Chevron : réalisez une cure antioxydante à base d’oligo-éléments (cuivre, manganèse et sélénium, disponibles en pharmacie) et misez sur une alimentation riche en Omégas 3, vitamines C, D et E. A privilégier dans vos assiettes : les poissons gras - thon, saumon - , le chou, le cresson, les épinards mais aussi les huiles de colza, de noix et d’olive. L’objectif : favoriser la régénération des cellules de l’épiderme en les « huilant » de l’intérieur.

- Au cours de l’été, limitez l’exposition. On ne le répétera jamais assez : l’idéal reste une exposition de 10 minutes à 15 minutes par jour pour bénéficier des bienfaits du soleil. Au-delà, votre peau court le risque de vieillir prématurément. Dans tous les cas, évitez l’exposition entre 11h et 16h l'été et veillez à choisir un indice de protection solaire sur mesure pour votre type de peau (entre 20 et 30 pour les peaux mates, 40 et plus pour les peaux claires).

- Après le soleil : nourrissez l’épiderme sans relâche. Souvent agressée par une exposition trop longue au soleil, la peau a besoin d’être nourrie en profondeur. L’astuce de la naturopathe : remplacer l’après-soleil par une huile végétale de carotte, qui non seulement apaise la peau, mais accentue aussi le bronzage !

Voir plus de conseils de prévention solaire avec notre diaporama "Soleil : se protéger au naturel".

More infohttp://www.psychologies.com/Beaute/Corps/Soleil/Articles-et-Dossiers/Soleil-votre-programme-vitalite

Les enfants et la politesse!

2009-06-02T13:37:00.003-04:00

Le b.a.ba de la politesse

« Merci », « S'il te plaît »? Depuis qu'il est tout-petit, vous tentez d'apprendre à votre enfant ces mots magiques. A 2 ans, il devient sociable et plus réceptif à vos attentes, c'est donc le moment de lui enseigner quelques bonnes manières.

Montrez-lui l'exemple
C'est en vous regardant faire que votre enfant apprend le plus. On appelle cela le phénomène d'imitation. Sa politesse va donc se développer à votre contact. N'hésitez donc pas à lui montrer le bon exemple. Dites-lui « Bonjour » au réveil, « Au revoir et bonne journée », en le laissant à la crèche, chez sa nounou ou à l'école, ou bien « Merci, c'est gentil » dès qu'il vous aide. Dans un premier temps, concentrez-vous sur les gestes et les mots auxquels vous tenez particulièrement. Par exemple, mettre la main devant la bouche quand on tousse ou qu'on baille, dire « Bonjour », « Merci » et « S'il te plaît » ou fermer la bouche quand on mange. Répétez ces règles encore et encore.

Inventez des petits jeux
Apprenez-lui à jouer au « Que dit-on quand? ». Mettez-le en situation et faites-lui deviner « Que dis-tu quand je te donne quelque chose ? Merci. » et « Que dit-on quand quelqu'un s'en va ? Au revoir. » Vous pouvez vous amuser à table par exemple en lui faisant passer la salière, son verre d'eau? Vous serez surprise de voir qu'il les connaît tous ces petits mots pour les avoir entendus dans votre bouche plus d'une fois.Vous pouvez également imiter la « maman malpolie ». Pendant quelques minutes, montrez-lui ce que c'est d'être très mal élevé en oubliant toute forme de politesse. Il ne trouvera pas ça normal et voudra vite retrouver sa maman polie.

Félicitez-le toujours
N'hésitez surtout pas à complimenter votre enfant régulièrement, dès lors qu'il a marqué un signe de politesse : « C'est bien, mon chéri ». Vers 2-3 ans et plus, les enfants adorent être mis en valeur par leurs proches et auront donc tendance à vouloir recommencer.

Respectez ses codes
Ne pas vouloir faire un bisou à une personne qu'il vient tout juste de rencontrer alors que vous le lui demandez gentiment ne signifie pas forcément que votre enfant est mal élevé. C'est son droit. Il estime que cette marque de tendresse s'adresse essentiellement aux gens qu'il connaît et avec qui il n'hésitera pas à manifester de l'affection. Il est même souhaitable qu'il n'accepte pas tous les gestes qui ne lui plaisent pas. Conseillez-lui dans ce cas de nouer le contact autrement : un sourire ou un petit signe de la main est suffisant. Il peut aussi signifier un simple « Bonjour ».

N'en faites pas une fixette
Le savoir-vivre et la bienséance sont des notions qui importent peu à votre enfant. Tout cela doit donc garder un côté ludique et joyeux. Il faut faire preuve d'une grande patience. En pleine phase d'affirmation et/ou d'opposition, il peut chercher à tester vos limites et risque donc de faire la grève du mot magique. S'il oublie de dire merci, par exemple, faites-le lui gentiment remarquer. Si vous voyez qu'il fait la sourde oreille, n'insistez pas ou ne vous mettez pas en colère, ça ne ferait qu'éteindre son envie d'être un minimum poli. Et puis, s'il ne veut pas dire au revoir en partant de chez sa grand-mère, il est peut-être simplement fatigué. Ne soyez pas inquiète, le réflexe des formules de politesse vient vers l'âge de 4-5 ans. N'hésitez pas à lui expliquer les enjeux de ce savoir-vivre : le respect de l'autre notamment.

More info

Discover Your Muse: Intuition

2009-05-27T18:43:00.003-04:00

By Valery Satterwhite

“The only real valuable thing is intuition.” - Albert Einstein

Everyone was born with the magical power of intuition. Intuition is a clear flow of information that is available to you that is aligned with you highest path and purpose. Intuition is one of the most amazing resources at your disposal. Heeding the wisdom of your intuition will help you avoid roadblocks and unwanted detours as you create your life experience. So why do so many people either ignore or throw their intuition, that gut instinct, down the proverbial garbage disposal? What makes a person go against intuition, their 'better instincts' in favor of another choice that never results in a good outcome?

“I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely.” - Kim Basinger

What some people refer to as 'me' is not really who they are. The 'me' they refer to is that monkey mind of thoughts and beliefs that hold you back from expressing your highest potential. That monkey mind is your well-meaning yet woefully misguided Inner Critic.

Your intuition is a reflection of your higher self, your soul, or what I playfully call the Wizard Within.

Review the events of your life. Do you remember times when you had an intuitive insight that what you were about to do wasn't a good choice? Did you go ahead and act on that choice anyway? What was the result? Was there a time when you listened to and acted upon that calm gut instinct? What was the resulting experience?

It is important to note that there is a clear distinction between a calm, knowing intuitive thought and a thought based in fear and self-doubt. The latter will not feel good. Instead of a clear gut feeling your will feel a little sick to your stomach, frightened. Pay attention to how you feel to determine whether you are paying attention to the fearful Inner Critic or the intuitive Wizard Within.

“You must train your intuition - you must trust the small voice inside you which tells you exactly what to say, what to decide” - Ingrid Bergman

Now that you are mindfully aware of the power of intuition that is your birthright you have a higher level of responsibility for the consequences of your choices. Your intuition will always tell you clearly that any given circumstance is not in alignment with your truth, your highest good. Sometimes what your intuition tells you to do is not the easiest choice. It is at that moment that some people chose to listen to the Inner Critic who offers a path of least resistance, a choice that is easier, less 'scary'.

Tapping into your intuition to weigh in on your choices and decisions takes guts. Perhaps that's why the voice of your intuition, your inspiration is called a gut instinct.

“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself.” - Alan Alda

When you were born you tapped into your intuition effortlessly. Constantly paying attention to the inner wisdom of your higher self you playfully explored your new environment. You learned and grew at an amazing speed. However, as your world expanded you began to seek guidance from external resources rather than by tapping into your intuition. Most children are not taught to rely on the wisdom and knowledge of their higher self. Instead, they are taught that they don't know much of anything yet and must rely upon the wisdom of other people, other external resources. As these children grow up they forget that there is an infinite stream of knowledge and guidance already at their fingertips. Even children are aware of this intuitive resource they often ignore it in favor of the "should do and think" guidance of others.

"Listen to your intuition. It will tell you everything you need to know." - Anthony J D'Angelo

The well-meaning wisdom of others often is the collective voice of the fears and self-doubts of the conditioned spirit. Often this advice is centered upon what cannot be done instead of what can be. This 'play it safe' mentality is the embodiment of the Inner Critic. The Inner Critic is very confused about your truth and the truth of what it fears. It is not in alignment with your purpose, your passion, and will drown out the voice of your intuition as a result of this fear.

The flow of information that is in alignment with your truth and your passions is available to you at all times. All you have to do to access this powerful asset is to ask what your higher being want in a particular situation. Center yourself, perhaps with a little deep and slow breathing, to quiet the chatterbox Inner Critic. Out of the stillness will come the voice of your intuition, your muse.

"Spend time every day listening to what your muse is trying to tell you." - Barb Miller, Author

Your Happiness

2009-05-21T07:49:00.002-04:00

5 Simple Ways It Makes Your Life Work Better

By Warren Wojnowski

Do you move through your life feeling frustrated and stressed, finding too many things that just aren't working? Do you find yourself wishing you could find some way to begin to make your life work better? If that describes you and how you feel, then read on because you are about to learn a simple adjustment you can make in your life to help things immediately begin to work better and feel better.

Let's follow up with one more question. When was the last time you actually, deliberately stopped and decided it was time to make your happiness a priority for yourself?

If you're like most people it has been a very long time because for the most part your are placing all of your time, energy and focus on all of the things you feel you have to do. Doing what makes you happy likely feels like some far off dream because all you see in front of you are things that make you feel unhappy, tired and stressed.

No doubt you have heard the phrase "change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change".

Well ... here's a novel suggestion. If you'd like to make your life work better, start focusing on your happiness instead of the absence of it.

Now let me guess ... this sounds too simplistic to you, doesn't it? You're probably wondering how focusing on your happiness is going to help fix things so they work better, right?

Yet the truth is, that's exactly the fix that can have the most immediate impact on your life. Consider the following five ways in which by you focusing your thought and attention on what makes you happy -- and making a point of looking for and acknowledging those things each day -- you will begin to notice things working better in your life.

You'll be more attractive to others. As you place your focus and attention on what's right and what's working in your life, you immediately start to feel a little bit better. Because you feel better, you begin to behave and carry yourself differently. And that shift in how you carry yourself makes you much more attractive to others which means you're going to start receiving more invitations, more opportunities and more things that are working well for you.

Your relationships will work better. Because you are carrying yourself differently, you begin to come across as friendlier and you'll find that you're better able to listen because you're not so preoccupied with what isn't working. That's going to result in healthier, deeper, more successful relationships with your family, you co-workers and your friends.

Your job or business performance will improve. Your shift in focus carries benefits over to your overall work performance. You will find yourself thinking more clearly, more alert, and making better decisions.

Your health will improve. Because you are feeling happier as you place your attention on what is working, a whole set of physiological changes start to occur. Your blood pressure lowers. Your blood flow improves. Your immune system starts working better. These all have a positive impact on the state of your health.

You will start to have more flow. By law of attraction, you attract more of what you focus upon. Since you have repositioned your focus and attention on your happiness rather than your unhappiness, guess what happens? You get more of the things that are working better. And now you've got a positive spiral that you've started that is going to deliver more flow and positive momentum into your life going forward. And so begins a positive cycle of being in flow where things start to come more easily and frequently.

ACT with L.O.V.E.

2009-05-20T12:31:00.001-04:00

By Russ Harris, MD

Let’s discuss LOVE:

L – Letting go
O – Opening up
V – Valuing
E – Engaging

Let’s now explore each of these elements in more detail:

LETTING GO

“Letting go” is the escape route from inside-your-mind, one of the elements that DRAIN your relationship. Your mind is like a master storyteller that never stops talking. The stories it tells you are commonly known as “thoughts.” Some of these thoughts or stories are obviously true—what we call “facts.” But most of the stories your mind tells you are opinions, judgments, beliefs, assumptions, attitudes, fantasies, ideas, concepts, models, interpretations, evaluations. Such stories cannot be classed as true or false; they are simply reflections of the way you see the world. Your mind will try very hard to keep you absorbed in these “stories.” Your mind will dredge up painful memories from the past; conjure up scary scenarios about the future; point out all your partner’s flaws and weaknesses; complain, judge, compare, and criticize; or prattle on about those love myths from chapter 1. If you hold on tightly to these stories, they will drag you down into the dark, dank depths. Letting go means loosening your grip on these stories. ACT will teach you how to let go of resentment, righteousness, blaming, worrying, judging, criticizing, and demanding. As you cultivate this ability, you will find you can respond far more effectively to the ongoing challenges of your relationship.

OPENING UP

Intimate relationships give rise to painful feelings. And when that happens, our tendency is to do whatever we can to get rid of them or to avoid them. Opening up is the very opposite of avoidance. When you learn how to open up and make room for these feelings, you will find they have much less impact and influence over you, they will no longer drain or overwhelm you, and they will no longer jerk you around like a puppet on a string.

When we are in a lot of pain, we tend to shut down. We close off from our partner; we erect a thick barrier for self-protection. But this is just another form of avoidance. Sooner or later, if we want our relationship to thrive, we have to take the barrier down. And when you begin to lower that barrier, you will start to feel vulnerable. There’s a good chance you will experience anxiety, worry, insecurity, or doubt:
get hurt yet again? In the past, these feelings may have held you back from making the changes necessary to rebuild your relationship. But once you can open up and accommodate these feelings, they will no longer have the power to hold you back. And there is a huge added bonus here: the more you can open up and make room for your own feelings, the more you’ll be able to do the same for your partner’s feelings. This is vital if you want to have a deep, intimate relationship.

VALUING

In ACT, the term valuing means “taking action guided by your values.” Rather than neglecting values, ACT helps you to clarify them and use them to inspire and motivate your actions. Conscious values-guided action is a world apart from mindless reactivity. In this book, we will particularly focus on three core values that play a major role in healthy relationships: caring, contribution, and connection. Of course there are many others, but these three are particularly vital.

ENGAGING

Engaging means being psychologically present (instead of inside-your-mind) and focusing on your partner with genuine interest and openness. The more you engage with each other, the stronger and deeper your sense of connection will be—whether you’re having dinner, having a chat, or having sex. Engaging means you turn toward your partner and make her the center of your attention rather than dismissing, ignoring, or turning away from her. It is the opposite of disconnection or avoidance.

** Could This be Love? **

LOVE is not just an acronym: it is a useful way of thinking about “love” itself. If you think of love as an ongoing process of letting go, opening up, valuing, and engaging, then it is always available to you—even when the feelings of love are absent. So in this sense of the word, you really can have everlasting love. But if you think of love merely as an emotion or feeling, then it can never last for long because all feelings and emotions continually change.

Practicing LOVE—letting go, opening up, valuing, engaging—will help you to drop the struggle with your partner, resolve your conflicts, settle your differences, and deepen your ability to care, connect, and bond. However, it’s important to be realistic. This is not some magic wand that will miraculously fix all your issues. All couples will experience conflict and tension; that’s just human nature. And when this happens, it’s helpful to remember … you’re both hurting.

Évoluer à Deux!

2009-05-19T09:25:00.002-04:00

Le couple, ce devrait être le lieu où chacun se consume d’amour. Mais, très souvent, certains s’y consument surtout d’angoisse.

Si les scénarios les plus imaginatifs ont toujours occupé l’esprit des amoureux, il semble qu’aujourd’hui, nous soyons passés des méditations romantiques – celles d’Emma Bovary, dont « la pensée se balance de rêve en rêve » – à des préoccupations plus menaçantes.

« Autrefois, comme on se mariait pour la vie, l’art conjugal consistait à ne pas trop voir ce qui agaçait, explique Jean-Claude Kaufmann (auteur de nombreux ouvrages sur le couple, dont "Premier Matin" Pocket, 2004), sociologue, qui mène actuellement une étude sur les « agacements » dans le couple. Aujourd’hui, on analyse sans cesse la relation, car l’hypothèse que l’on pourrait reprendre sa liberté plane au-dessus de nos relations. »

Est-il donc de plus en plus difficile de conjuguer amour et légèreté ? Pas toujours, si l’on apprend, à chaque étape de nos relations amoureuses, à repérer les « films » prêts à nous envahir.

La peur de désirer

On pourrait croire que, dans ses débuts, une histoire bénéficie forcément d’un certain état de grâce. Ce n’est pas toujours le cas. « Il m’a suffi de quelques secondes pour tomber amoureuse, raconte Vanessa, 24 ans, et depuis, toute tranquillité a disparu de ma vie. Marc m’a emmenée en voiture un jour de grève. En me déposant, il m’a demandé mon numéro, et l’enfer a commencé. Une anxiété diffuse ne me quitte plus. Pourtant, nos rencontres sont régulières, il a l’air attaché, mais après chaque rendez-vous, j’ai peur de ne pas vraiment lui plaire. Je calcule le nombre de jours à laisser passer entre deux coups de fil pour ne pas paraître trop attachée. Je passe mon temps à soupeser chaque événement, chaque mot, chaque silence. »

Cette inquiétude, Yves Prigent, psychanalyste, la dit inhérente à l’état amoureux, car liée à une peur inconsciente de la castration : « Tout individu s’étant heurté, au moment où il développait son complexe d’Œdipe, à l’interdit de l’élan amoureux pour le père et pour la mère, il reste inconsciemment rivé à l’idée qu’il se fera punir très gravement s’il ose aimer. Si aimer, c’est transgresser, l’anxiété devient inévitable. »

Une barrière inconsciente qui peut expliquer l’afflux de critiques que certains ne manquent pas d’émettre aux tout débuts d’une aventure amoureuse : « Il m’aurait bien plu, mais il s’habille vraiment trop mal » ; « Elle aime le jazz, c’est rédhibitoire »…Si cette prise de risque que représente le fait de tomber amoureux explique certaines angoisses, celles-ci devraient s’atténuer quand l’autre devient, au fil du temps, plus familier. Annie, 30 ans, en couple depuis six ans, s’avoue pourtant souvent submergée par d’encombrantes pensées : « Je me dis que mon compagnon s’absente plus souvent que moi pour son travail et que, pendant qu’il prend du bon temps, je me coltine les enfants. Ou bien qu’il va faire du sport au lieu de s’occuper de moi. Je n’ai pas envie de le quitter, mais je me sens frustrée. »

La peur de se perdre

Pour Catherine Serrurier, thérapeute de couple et conseillère conjugale, cette insatisfaction est une façon de mettre une distance entre soi et l’autre, par peur, si on se laisse trop aller au sentiment amoureux, de perdre sa personnalité. « Une peur essentiellement féminine : depuis que les femmes ont découvert l’autonomie, elles sont plus réticentes à faire des compromis. Nombre d’entre elles, à cause des générations qui les ont précédées, craignent toujours que l’homme ne tente de les dominer. Leurs ruminations sont, en somme, comme un bouclier qu’elles brandissent pour se protéger. Les hommes, eux, seront plutôt agacés par la facilité avec laquelle leurs compagnes manient la parole. »

Témoin, dans les annonces masculines sur les sites de rencontres Internet, la fréquence de la formule « Prises de tête : s’abstenir ». D’ailleurs, Thierry, 42 ans, en couple depuis dix ans, avoue combien il est parfois las : « Ma femme m’exaspère à toujours vouloir couper les cheveux en quatre et à faire des analyses qui tournent toujours à son avantage. Elle n’arrête pas de me houspiller, comme si j’étais toujours insuffisant. »

Qu’est-ce qui nourrit ces récriminations, aussi pernicieuses que la peste ? « Elles cachent une demande de confirmation constante de sa propre valeur, comme si on n’en était pas sûr, poursuit Catherine Serrurier. Elles signent aussi l’effort désespéré pour reprendre avec le conjoint ce qui n’est pas réglé en soi. C’est une projection sur l’autre de ses propres peurs. Celle de l’abandon, bien sûr, mais aussi, par exemple, celle, consciente ou inconsciente, que le partenaire nous éloigne de nos parents. On voit ainsi des femmes adultes qui, parce qu’elles en sont encore à essayer désespérément de se faire aimer par leur mère, s’agacent dans leur couple. Ou des hommes qui déploient toute leur énergie à gagner l’estime paternelle. »

Accueillir l’inquiétude

Tous ces ressentiments ne mènent pas systématiquement à la séparation. De nombreux couples durent ainsi, dans cette forme d’insatisfaction. « De même, explique Jean-Claude Kaufmann, que nos vies voient alterner des séquences – en solo, puis à deux, puis en famille, puis de nouveau en solo ou en famille recomposée –, à l’intérieur du couple, se succèdent différentes périodes : fusionnelle, puis plus distante, puis plus critique, puis de nouveau fusionnelle, etc.

Chez beaucoup, le rééquilibrage se fait naturellement, les ruminations négatives s’effaçant avec le retour d’une séquence plus amoureuse. Mais si les agacements se renforcent sans qu’il y ait de pause, les partenaires peuvent s’éloigner l’un de l’autre jusqu’à la rupture. »

Il ne s’agit donc pas de repousser à tout prix cette inquiétude, signe d’une certaine violence à l’égard de l’autre, la plupart du temps non exprimée. La violence est naturelle, véritable instinct de vie, comme le rappellent les psychanalystes quand ils expliquent qu’aucun enfant ne saurait survivre sans une certaine quantité de violence imaginaire. Accepter de traverser ces zones d’anxiété, c’est aussi une façon de laisser aller sa violence sans la retourner contre soi. Et les mouvements destructeurs débouchent souvent, dans un second temps, sur un véritable potentiel créateur. Dans cette aventure, ceux qui s’en sortiront le mieux sont ceux qui seront capables de se persuader qu’aimer est un verbe intransitif.

« Prenez les arts martiaux, explique Yves Prigent. Dans le tir à l’arc, l’important n’est pas la cible, mais le fait de pratiquer. Dans l’amour, ce devrait être pareil. Ce n’est pas le but qui devrait importer – être aimé en retour –, c’est l’amour lui-même. » Ce n’est qu’en devenant capables de cette générosité-là que nous pourrons peut-être conjuguer amour et sérénité.

HUIT PISTES ... pour s’aérer la vie à deux

1• Faire des choses ensemble.

L’angoisse se nourrit de l’inaction. Faire des randonnées, retaper une maison, jardiner… vous permettront d’inscrire du concret dans votre relation.

2• S’engager.

La reconnaissance sociale – mariage ou autres rituels – rassure sur le désir de l’autre. Et signifie que chacun a compris que le couple est aussi un lieu de contraintes, de devoirs et de négociations.

3• S’intéresser à l’autre.

Plus on connaît, moins on fantasme. Etre curieux de l’autre, et pas seulement des sentiments qu’il a pour vous, vous aidera à vous ouvrir.

4• Se mettre à sa place.

Vous comprendrez à quel point il est humiliant d’être suspecté. Et vous vous rendrez compte que rouspéter n’est qu’une façon de déverser ses angoisses sur l’autre.

5• Diversifier ses réseaux.

Pour réduire sa dépendance à l’être aimé et trouver la bonne distance, il est essentiel de continuer à se préoccuper de ses amis, de sa famille…

6• Cesser d’accuser.

Ne dites pas : « Tu es ceci, tu es cela », mais : « Je pense que tu es ceci ou cela. » Il est alors beaucoup plus facile pour l’autre de vous écouter, car il ne se sent pas jugé.

7• Se souvenir que la peur n’empêche pas le danger. On n’a jamais vu personne rester parce que l’autre craignait de le voir partir. L’anxiété aurait plus tendance à générer des problèmes qu’à les éviter.

8• Développer l’humour sur soi. Essayer d’avoir un regard amusé sur soi et son couple permet de garder une distance qui protège des tourments. Woody Allen en a bien fait une œuvre !

Avec Danielle Dalloz, psychanalyste, Monique Dupré la Tour, psychologue et thérapeute de couple, Serge Hefez, psychiatre et thérapeute de couple, Catherine Serrurier, thérapeute de couple.

More info

Ce que notre sourire dit

2009-05-13T07:31:00.003-04:00

C’est la plus subtile des expressions humaines. La plus énigmatique, aussi. Le sourire séduit, mais, contraint ou automatique, il provoque le malaise. Le point sur un comportement inné qui fait de nous des humains à part entière.

Le sourire vient de l'intérieur

Parce qu’il vient autant du cœur que de la raison, le sourire dit tout et son contraire. Première forme de langage non verbal, il crée instantanément du lien lorsqu’il est authentique, génère de l’inquiétude lorsqu’il est rictus ou provoque un malaise lorsqu’il est forcé. Contrairement au rire, qui fait l’objet d’études depuis une trentaine d’années, le sourire intéresse les chercheurs depuis peu. Même Le Petit Larousse « sèche » sur sa définition, qu’il limite à quelques mimiques faciales : « Expression rieuse, marquée par de légers mouvements du visage et des lèvres. » Son étymologie est mal définie : du latin subridere, il viendrait « avant le rire », dont il serait un avatar inachevé et silencieux, esquissé et contenu. Le sourire ne serait-il qu’un sous-rire, un rire au rabais ?

Avant de rire, nous avons souri. Le bébé sourit dès la naissance, alors que les premiers éclats de rire ne commencent qu’entre 4 et 8 mois. Sourire est un comportement inné, et non un apprentissage culturel. Selon l’éthologue anglais Desmond Morris (1), « ce serait un mécanisme instinctif de survie chez l’être humain nouveau-né, lui assurant la sécurité et l’attachement de ses proches ». L’enfant sourit « aux anges » quand il dort, signe réflexe d’un bien-être physique sans intention qui n’est destiné qu’à lui-même. Jusqu’à ce que sa mère le prenne pour elle, un acte fondamental qui construit la relation mère-enfant. Il s’agit alors du sourire social, ou de réponse, lorsque le bébé réplique réellement au sourire de sa mère, puis à celui de son père, et des autres, et que ses yeux se plissent. Dirigé et conscient, il est souvent considéré comme le premier geste faisant de l’enfant un être social à part entière. Puis, au fil du temps, l’enfant apprend par imitation à nuancer ses sourires.

1. Desmond Morris, auteur du Bébé révélé, ouvrage photographique illustrant la première année de la vie des bébés (Calmann-Lévy, 1994).

Quarante-quatre émotions différentes

Le sourire est donc loin d’être une forme affaiblie du rire. S’inspirant des travaux de Darwin, le psychologue américain Paul Ekman, spécialiste des expressions faciales et des émotions, en a recensé dix-neuf capables d’exprimer quarante--quatre émotions différentes (la complicité, la séduction, la gêne…). « Le sourire est la perfection du rire », écrit le philosophe Alain (2) à propos de la plus subtile des expressions humaines.

« Avant d’être offert à l’autre, le sourire est d’abord intérieur et trouve sa source en soi », analyse Maryse Vaillant, psychiatre et auteure d’Une année singulière avec mon cancer du sein (3). Selon elle, il est « l’effleurement d’un bien-être intime. Le signe de notre contentement d’être au monde. Comme ceux des bouddhas, de l’ange de la cathédrale de Reims ou de Mona Lisa, il semble flotter sur les visages et dévoile à peine cette jubilation à être ». C’est le sourire « vrai », qui laisse apparaître, ou plutôt affleurer, l’empreinte de soi. Il donne à voir à l’autre, mais n’en attend rien.

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Le sourire

2009-05-13T07:18:00.004-04:00

Combien de fois sourions-nous par jour ? Impossible de le dire, tant cela dépend des personnalités et des instants choisis. Mais sourions-nous toujours pour exprimer le plaisir ? « Le sourire provient d’une vibration qui associe la joie et la terreur, l’émerveillement et l’effroi », écrit Patrick Drevet dans son essai Le Sourire (Gallimard, 1999). Complexe, il révèle ce que nous sommes. Pourtant, à l’inverse du rire, qui préoccupe les chercheurs depuis une vingtaine d’années, peu d’études ont été consacrées à la plus subtile des expressions humaines.

A quand remonte le premier ? A la naissance, il n’existe pas. Il apparaît chez le bébé entre son 30e et son 45e jour, au plus tard à 3 mois, pour exprimer un contentement à la vue d’une personne familière, à l’écoute d’un son mélodieux ou après un repas. L’apprentissage par imitation va ensuite jouer son rôle et donner tous ses sens au sourire. Le psychologue Paul Ekman en a recensé dix-neuf différents, dont ceux empreints de peur, de mépris ou d’ironie : les rictus.

Sourire est d’abord un mécanisme cérébral. Selon les scientifiques, tout commence par une excitation de la partie antérieure de notre hypothalamus, glande située à la base du cerveau. Telle une onde, elle transmet un influx nerveux au système limbique, siège des émotions. Le tonus musculaire se relâche, les réactions faciales de contentement apparaissent (une excitation de la partie postérieure de l’hypothalamus entraîne des réactions de mécontentement).

Si quinze muscles sont nécessaires pour rire, il en faut autant pour amorcer ce que le dictionnaire définit trop simplement par « un léger mouvement des yeux et des lèvres ». Mais à chaque type de sourire ses muscles spécifiques ! Ainsi, le sourire de politesse, simple plissement des lèvres, met en jeu la contraction du grand zygomatique, alors que le sourire de joie, large et éclatant, fait intervenir l’orbiculaire palpébral, le muscle des paupières. Celui-ci ne s’active qu’involontairement lors de sensations agréables : impossible de confondre un rictus contraint et un sourire de bonheur.

Le sourire est un autre langage, un moyen de traduire ce qui, en nous, reste muet. Loin d’être un « sous-rire », il ouvre sur de multiples univers : il y a le sourire épanoui de l’amoureux, le gêné du timide, le conquérant du séducteur, le serein de Bouddha. Nous en avons retenu six. Tour d’horizon.

Sourires à découvrir

Le sourire de bienvenue, celui qui nous accueille

Le sourire de bienvenue ou de politesse, à la fois proche et distancié, met spontanément à l’aise, même si l’on n’a aucun lien avec celui qui nous l’adresse.

« Je me souviendrai toujours du sourire de la boulangère, raconte Alexandra, 36 ans. Lorsque, gamine, je venais lui acheter une baguette, son sourire me mettait en joie. »

Il n’entre pas directement dans notre sphère intime, ne s’adresse pas à qui nous sommes, mais à ce qu’il y a d’universel en nous. « Un sourire sincère touche en nous quelque chose d’essentiel : notre sensibilité innée à la bonté », souligne le dalaï-lama
dans Sagesse ancienne et monde moderne (Le Livre de Poche, 2002).

Le sourire complice, celui qui nous rassemble

Le sourire complice exprime l’appartenance à une même histoire. Il révèle une entente étroite, une connivence avec certains êtres choisis.

« J’aime capter la complicité des regards et des sourires quand je prends des photos d’inconnus dans la rue », explique Steven, 25 ans, photographe taïwanais qui parcourt le monde. Les sourires qu’il capte sont les meilleurs souvenirs de ses voyages.

Le sourire séducteur, celui qui désarme

L’éthologue allemand Irenäus Eibl-Eibsfeldt a montré que le sourire est partagé dans la plupart des rites de séduction à travers le monde.

En France, le sourire est toujours ce que les femmes apprécient le plus chez un homme (37 %), avant le regard (13 %) (sondage Baileys-Ifop, 2005) . Le sourire assure et rassure à la fois. « Alors qu’il n’avait rien pour me plaire, il m’a séduite par son sourire tendre et coquin, raconte Claire, 38 ans, iconographe, fiancée depuis un an à Patrice. Je me suis sentie désarmée, totalement mise en confiance. »

Le sourire défensif, celui qui nous préserve

Face à l’inconnu, le sourire est notre première arme, une forme de lâcher-prise destiné à paralyser nos pulsions agressives et à neutraliser celles que l’autre peut ressentir à notre égard. C’est un signe d’apaisement que nous partageons avec toutes les civilisations du monde.

« Quand je rentre dans une pièce où je ne connais personne, je souris spontanément, comme pour me protéger », avoue ainsi Emmanuelle, 25 ans.

Le sourire audacieux, celui qui nous donne de l’assurance

S’obliger à sourire nous entraîne à retenir les aspects positifs, à mettre en avant nos succès plutôt que nos échecs.

« En travaillant sur ma façon de sourire et de prendre la parole en public, j’ai pris confiance en moi », confie Elisabeth, 48 ans, cardiologue. Le sourire nous aide à mieux gérer notre stress, à faire face aux changements avec davantage de sérénité.

« Je ne savais pas comment demander une année de congé sans solde à mon directeur, raconte Ludovic, 27 ans. J’ai décidé d’y aller avec le sourire. Et cela a marché ! » Un sourire crée du sourire…

Le sourire gêné, celui qui nous excuse

Loin de toujours exprimer le plaisir, le sourire peut aussi marquer notre volonté de prendre de la distance : un sourire gêné peut nous monter aux lèvres lorsque nous venons de commettre un impair et que la honte nous submerge. C’est le sourire commentaire, celui qui marque le désarroi. « Le sourire navré indique que nous tentons de maîtriser notre émotion plutôt que de la subir », explique la psychothérapeute Catherine Aimelet-Perissol. Si nos sourires sont une force dans nos relations, c’est aussi parce qu’ils expriment… nos fragilités.

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Etre amoureux!

2009-05-11T17:55:00.004-04:00

Une parenthèse enchantée

C’est l’histoire de François Roman, parolier à succès et nightclubber impénitent, la quarantaine blasée et branchée. Le personnage d’Avant, pendant, après(1), le dernier livre de Jean-Marc Parisis, se laisse vivre dans une relation sans passion, jusqu’au coup de foudre pour Gail, qui va faire voler sa vie en éclats. « Accoudée au balcon, elle fumait en passant une main dans ses cheveux. La première fois que je l’ai vue, je ne l’ai pas vue, je l’ai aimée de dos. »

Pour la première fois, François est amoureux, vraiment. Il se sent enfin libéré de la médiocrité et de l’ennui. « Cette rencontre me donnait raison. Tout n’était pas perdu. Ma vie, ce que je pensais de ma vie, allait changer. » Cette tempête émotionnelle, le psychosociologue Francesco Alberoni l’appelle « énamourement ». « C’est un bouleversement radical de la sensibilité, de l’esprit et du cœur, qui fond ensemble deux êtres différents et éloignés. C’est une faim, un violent désir, mais, en même temps, l’élan, l’héroïsme et l’oubli de soi(2) » Toutes les portes du possible s’ouvrent, les sensations et les émotions s’intensifient jusqu’à la démesure, la monotonie du quotidien est brusquement pulvérisée. Mais cet état est-il compatible avec le long terme et la construction que suppose la vie de couple ?

Accros aux sensations fortes

Vibrer en continu, surfer sur les crêtes et, surtout, ne plus toucher terre : l’ivresse que procure l’état amoureux est ultravalorisée dans notre culture. « Toujours plus, toujours plus fort », le slogan de cet idéal amoureux moderne, a incontestablement un parfum de dépendance aux sensations extrêmes. Plus on en ressent, plus on en veut. Résultat : une certaine intolérance à la routine, aux habitudes qui s’incrustent peu à peu dans la relation. « Notre époque ne supporte pas l’ennui, c’est son pire ennemi, explique Jean-Michel Hirt(3), psychanalyste. Nous sommes bombardés de sollicitations pour vivre en dehors de soi. Excitation et consommation sont la règle. Pour se divertir, au sens pascalien du terme, on consomme des biens matériels mais aussi du sentiment amoureux. De l’amour, on ne veut que les sensations fortes, agréables, mais surtout pas se prendre la tête, dans un vrai investissement sentimental et émotionnel. D’ailleurs, dès que la relation se grippe, on se demande immédiatement si on n’a pas fait le mauvais choix de partenaire. »

Simon, 36 ans, avoue n’aimer en amour que les débuts, « cocktail explosif de peur et de désir. Au bout d’un moment, ça se gâte, la magie s’estompe, trop d’attentes, trop de reproches… Ça ne pétille plus ! Même côté sexe, ça devient plus sage, plus prévisible, et je m’ennuie très vite ». Une simple question d’hormones ? C’est ce qu’affirment les scientifiques.

Envie de toujours neuf

Oser bousculer ses habitudes, tourner le dos à son passé, assumer son vrai désir… tout semble possible grâce à l’énergie que procure le sentiment amoureux. « Nous devenons amoureux quand nous sommes prêts à nous transformer, à abandonner une expérience déjà faite et usée, lorsque nous avons l’élan vital nécessaire pour accomplir une nouvelle exploration, pour changer de vie », explique Francesco Alberoni. Pas de meilleur booster que cette euphorie qui nous invite toujours à repousser nos limites.

« “Je n’élèverai jamais les enfants d’un autre” : je m’étais toujours dit ça, confie Antoine, 41 ans. Jusqu’à ce que je rencontre Line, la femme de ma vie, divorcée et mère de trois enfants ! Je me découvre superpaternel, mes amis n’en reviennent pas, et moi non plus. Tout ce que j’espère, c’est que je tiendrai sur la durée. » Mais pour bénéficier sur le long terme des vertus régénératrices et décapantes de l’amour, encore faut-il avoir le courage de s’abandonner vraiment. Or, à en croire les thérapeutes de couple et les conseillers conjugaux, notre époque serait, dans le domaine des sentiments, plutôt frileuse. Peur de la déception, de la souffrance ou du changement, tout simplement.

Dans Fragments d’un discours amoureux(Seuil, 1977), Roland Barthes écrit : « Angoisse. Le sujet amoureux, au gré de telle ou telle contingence, se sent emporté par la peur d’un danger, d’une blessure, d’un abandon, d’un revirement – sentiment qu’il exprime sous le nom d’angoisse. » Si cette angoisse a toujours été indissociable du sentiment amoureux, elle est aujourd’hui, selon les psys, thérapeutes de couple et conseillers conjugaux, le principal obstacle à la construction amoureuse. Tout le monde en rêve, mais à condition que ni la souffrance ni la déception ne fassent partie du voyage. Or, ce voyage au long cours qu’est une histoire d’amour ne peut se contenter des sensations fortes du début. Il suppose plusieurs défis.

Pour Jean-Michel Hirt, la conception « sécurisée » de l’amour est emblématique de l’époque. « Aujourd’hui, on supporte de moins en moins d’être bousculé, d’être remis en question par l’autre. On veut avancer en terrain connu, vivre dans sa bulle, sans danger. » Une option qui, à terme, menace d’asphyxie la relation et conduit bon nombre de couples à la rupture.

Amoureux de l’autre ou amoureux de soi ?

Autre option : rencontrer son semblable et cultiver à deux… le narcissisme amoureux. Nombreux sont ceux qui s’engagent d’abord pour mieux s’aimer eux-mêmes. « Il y a aujourd’hui une dimension narcissique très importante dans le choix du partenaire, affirme Jean-Michel Hirt. On a en tête une image assez nette du couple que l’on veut former. Il y a également une très forte attente thérapeutique dans la relation amoureuse. “Aime-moi et répare-moi”, c’est un message très contemporain et très répandu. »

Mais si ce goût du moi et de l’ivresse passagère l’emporte sur le goût de l’autre, nous risquons de passer à côté de l’essentiel : mieux se connaître pour grandir et s’épanouir ensemble et dans la durée. Dans une interview publiée le 8 mars dernier dans Le Monde des livres, Jean-Marc Parisis déclarait : « Que ce soit dans les rapports sociaux ou privés, tout le monde a peur, tout le monde dit non. L’amour dit oui, au moins dans un premier temps. » L’erreur serait de croire que cet état de grâce peut durer sans être nourri au quotidien par une savante alliance entre lucidité et créativité.

« Aimer chaque histoire comme si c’était la première »

Sociologue, Daniel Welzer-Lang est maître de conférences à l’université de Toulouse-Le Mirail. Dernier livre paru : Utopies conjugales (Payot, 2007).

Psychologies : Rester amoureux fait-il partie des utopies conjugales contemporaines ?

Daniel Welzer-Lang : Oui, nous voulons être amoureux et le rester. Comme nous sommes exigeants, il nous faut également une carrière réussie et une vie sexuelle épanouie. Mais les partenaires sont conscients qu’un amour s’entretient. Ils avancent ensemble, construisent leur modèle de couple, leur sexualité. Le quotidien devient un terrain d’aventures. Le sentiment amoureux doit aussi composer avec l’explosion du couple dans ses différentes dimensions : couple parental, couple sexuel, couple conjugal.

Ils semblent rares ceux qui, aujourd’hui, restent amoureux toute leur vie…

Si le mythe du prince charmant existe encore, si beaucoup espèrent passer leur vie avec la même personne, peu de gens sont prêts à tout sacrifier pour y arriver. Sur mes sept cents étudiants, aucun n’accepterait d’arrêter de travailler pour vivre en couple. Avoir plusieurs histoires n’empêche pas d’aimer à chaque fois comme si c’était la première. Je dirais que le « grand amour », on y arrive, mais à travers plusieurs couples successifs.

Propos recueillis par Noëmie Lozac’h-Vilain

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La journée du silence!

2009-05-07T20:32:00.003-04:00

Une journée sans bruit, ça ne peut être qu'un rêve... À chaque année, il y a la journée nationale du silence. Plusieurs écoles proposent diverses activités aux élèves pour les sensibiliser aux nombreux bruits qui les entourent. De nos jours, l'évolution de la technologie nous facilité la vie sur bien des plans, mais elle nous emcombre de plus en plus de pollution sonore. Qu'est-ce que la pollution sonore et quels sont les impacts dans nos vies?

La pollution sonore

Les sons perçus par l’oreille humaine sont souvent agréables, souhaités, recherchés, mais quand ils sont non désirés, qu’ils sont intenses, déplaisants ou inattendus alors ils deviennent bruits. Les sons et les bruits accompagnent toute action de vie de l’homme.

La notion de pollution sonore regroupe généralement des nuisances sonores provoquées par diverses sources, dont les conséquences peuvent aller d’une gêne passagère, mais répétée à des répercussions graves sur la santé, la qualité de vie et/ou sur le fonctionnement des écosystèmes.

L’écologie émerge dans le débat contemporain comme le facteur de décision incontournable. En outre, l’environnement devient une question primordiale au même titre que la santé ou que l’économie. Toutefois, la diversité des enjeux soulevés par les connaissances écologiques et/ou ergonomique est fragmentée entre divers milieux sociaux, techniques, et professionnels qui se connaissent peu et qui échangent encore insuffisamment. L’établissement des passerelles et la mise en relation des divers acteurs est plus que jamais une nécessité de nos jours. La confortation des décisionnaires, chercheurs et société civile doit être favorisée afin d’améliorer les résultats dans ce domaine.

Les nuisances sonores sont au cœur des problèmes de la société moderne. Les modes de vie actuels accentuent ce genre de pollution. Ces nuisances affectent la santé, exacerbent les nerfs, accentuent le stress et troublent les humeurs des personnes. Un nombre croissant de publications scientifiques est consacré aux effets adverses du bruit sur la santé. Les scientifiques découvrent progressivement que l’exposition chronique des populations aux bruits divers de l’environnement est susceptible de provoquer des dommages sanitaires très divers.

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Rire au lit!

2009-05-07T17:53:00.003-04:00

Une mise à nu

Pourquoi rire au lit ? Parce que le rire implique un dépouillement de l’ego, une totale mise à nu où l’on dit à l’autre : “Voilà ce que je suis, c’est là que je suis, c’est là où tu peux me trouver.” Rire, c’est accepter de lâcher le contrôle, cette soi-disant maîtrise qui nous empêche d’aller trouver l’autre dans ce qu’il a de vrai et de plus intime. Les apparences, la peur, la recherche du pouvoir n’ont plus de place. Le rire nous offre la joie d’être nous-même, libre et sans masque, entier dans l’étreinte, ouvert à la surprise. La sexualité prend alors une nouvelle ampleur : celle de l’altérité et de la reconnaissance. Car on ne rit bien qu’avec nos semblables, ceux qui ont les mêmes codes que nous. Dans cet échange sans drame ni pression, on peut alors vivre les choses d’une manière simple, d’une façon qui nous ressemble.

Détente et orgasme

Autre bénéfice, le rire est une merveilleuse clé pour échapper à la nostalgie du passé et à l’attente du futur. Il nous ramène à notre corps et à l’instant présent, nous permettant de vivre les moments intimes dans leur plénitude. Deux êtres qui s’aiment en ayant comme références l’excitation et la liberté du présent sont au seuil de tous les possibles.La détente qu’offre le rire à notre corps et à notre esprit est proche de l’orgasme. L’extase amoureuse est un feu d’artifice joyeux. C’est au moment de l’extase, comme à celui du fou rire, que meurt l’illusion de l’ego. Un corps qui rit est un corps qui jouit. Les mêmes hormones du bien-être sont libérées au moment de l’orgasme et pendant un fou rire : les endorphines.

Rire au lit serait donc l’un des chemins les plus directs vers la liberté, et donc vers la jouissance. Oui, mais comment s’y prendre ? Les mots sont à exclure. Pour rire au lit, il est plus prudent de rester concentré sur le corps. Jouer comme des enfants. Une bataille d’oreillers ? Un cache-cache sous la couette ? Libre à vous de trouver votre voie.

Trop de rire tue le rire

Seule précaution, adopter le bon dosage pour ne pas transformer son histoire d’amour ou de sexe en camaraderie. Trop de rire tue le rire, et surtout le désir. Saupoudrons donc d’un brin de mystère, d’une bonne dose d’envie et d’un éclat de rire nos unions à l’être aimé.

Rire me semble essentiel pour continuer à croire en la vie, en sa capacité à s’unir à l’autre. C’est l’une des plus belles invitations au désir. Et si l’orgasme est la petite mort, le rire nous permet de continuer à être vivants. »

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Revenir à l'essentiel

2009-05-05T22:00:00.003-04:00

Par Sylvain Michelet

Amour, travail, amis, engagements…, nous aimerions ne rien rater d’important, ne pas passer à côté de notre vie. Mais le vouloir ne suffit pas, car tout nous pousse aujourd’hui à éviter de penser. Pour nous retrouver, traditions spirituelles et pratiques de développement personnel s’accordent sur un point : se réserver un moment de retour sur soi chaque jour.

S’interroger régulièrement

Il s’agit de se demander, même cinq minutes par jour : « Suis-je en accord avec mes valeurs, mes devoirs, mes envies ? » Ce questionnement insiste sur ce qui compte vraiment pour soi, et permet de mesurer si son quotidien est plein de vie ou à demi endormi. Et pour cultiver le discernement, penser à la prière de Marc Aurèle : « Que la force me soit donnée de supporter ce qui ne peut être changé et le courage de changer ce qui peut l’être, mais aussi la sagesse de distinguer l’un de l’autre (1). »

1. Pensées pour moi-même de Marc Aurèle (Arléa, “Retour aux grands textes classiques”, 1998).

Habiter son corps

Parfois, pourtant, réfléchir ne mène à rien. Stress, obligations, soucis…, les pensées tournent en rond ou s’égarent. Il est alors temps de s’ouvrir à une autre voie, inspirée des philosophies orientales : passer par le corps pour équilibrer l’esprit. Parce qu’ils visent à développer le centre énergétique – un point situé sous le nombril –, yoga, arts martiaux, tai chi ou qi gong offrent un remède aux effets durables contre la dispersion. Respirer, se relaxer et tenter de visualiser ce centre constitue, au quotidien, un premier entraînement.

Mettre des mots sur son ressenti

Le focusing, approche psychocorporelle fondée par le psychologue américain Eugene T. Gendlin, consiste à trouver un mot illustrant le ressenti corporel que l’on éprouve en pensant à l’une de ses préoccupations du moment. Détresse, frustration, colère, envie de tout lâcher : lorsque l’on prononce le mot juste, il se produit une détente physique, indiquant qu’un accord profond s’est fait en soi. Il faut alors savoir l’accueillir.

Dark times

2009-05-04T16:57:00.001-04:00

We live in a time of confusion. A time that makes us be hard with ourselves and others. A time that makes us think we don't deserve the best. Dark times.

Yet sometimes, things happen in the most unusual and surprising way. It is amazing to see how some events, events that seem really bad at first, lead to an incredible conclusion.

That's when you realise that anything is possible as long as you believe and keep faith. The world is full of wonderful opportunities that are just waiting for you to make the right move and seize them. The world is full of light. It is just sometimes hard to see it and harder still to accept it. The suffering we have endure has made us cautious, too cautious.

Even when the hour seems to be the darkest you've experienced, when it looks like all strenght have gone from you, when all you want to do is cry and despair, think on this...

There is always a way out. There is always hope.
Just keep going, be patient, make choices according to your beliefs, be yourself and your soul's true wishes will come true.

Elfy

Toxic People- Are They in your life?

2009-04-28T17:42:00.002-04:00

By Kamjah

Have you ever had someone in your life that on the surface seemed like he/she should be a part of your life but deep down you had a feeling that something was not right? If you answered no, then stop reading this now because your safe little world is just that…safe; but, if you are like most of us, then you answered yes. What was it about that person that produced those uneasy feelings? I’m sure when you really think about it you can come up with a laundry list but I’m going to save you the time by helping you see the answer though this article and a practical eye opening exercise.

Toxic people - those are the people in our lives who drain more from us then they add. You know who I’m talking about, the people who make you: feel angry, feel depressed or tired. Some people have more toxic individuals in their life then others, and it’s important to note that toxic people come in all shapes and sizes and each with their own unique potency. Unfortunately in many cases toxic people are long time friends, co-workers or even family members which make eliminating them from your life seem difficult.

First let’s start with how toxic people get into our lives in the first place. You’re probably not going to like the answer but it’s YOU. That’s right, get up, walk into the bathroom and take a good look in the mirror - what is staring back at your is the #1 source of all those people you secretly and sometimes openly wish and will away. How is that possible you might ask: I’m such a good person, or I’m so good looking, or I’m so this or so that. At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter how you rationalize it so Wake Up - and accept the fact that you are the reason and source for who is in your life and who is not. Follow along and memorialize my simple formula below. You may need to read it over a couple time to truly ‘get it’.

Formula:

Your Attitude dictates your Behavior which dictates your Habits which = Energy you emit

Energy = Attraction

The kind of energy you emit = the kind of people you attract into your life.

If you emit strong and confident energy then chances are you have a lot of strong and confident people in your life. The strong and confident are not attracted to the weak, it’s how things work. If you emit weak energy then you will attract individuals from weak energy places like: ‘haters’, ‘complainers’, ’takers’, ‘manipulators’, ‘abusers’, ‘addicts’, etc..

Now that you have an idea that you are the source of all your pleasure and misery, let me give you some quick tips on how to empower yourself so you can figure out who in your life should stay and who should go..

This exercise is going to allow you to identify who truly belongs in your life from who does not. Like the formula above, read it over as many times as you need too - to ‘get it’.

Lets start…

Go ahead and think of one questionable person. Maybe it’s a friend you that calls you a lot, or an ex boyfriend you are still in touch with, or a co-worker, who ever it is let them come into your mind and allow yourself to feel the feelings you feel when you are in front of this person.

Now on a clean sheet of paper answer these questions:

1. On a scale of 1 - 100 how good does ___Baily (write name here)___ make me feel when I think of him/her?
2. What are 5 ways ___Baily_____ adds to my life: (list 5)
3. What are 5 ways ___Baily_____ takes away from me: (you can write freely - no one is watching)
For question #2 and #3 I want you to grade each answer based on how strongly you feel using a number between 1 and 20
4. What would my life be like without ___Baily___ ? (be as descriptive as possible - remember, this for you.)
5. Can I live without ___Baily___ ? (yes or no)

Now what I want you to do is add up the numbers you assigned to question #2 and question #3.

An example outcome is:
#2 = 71
#3 = 83

Now add the final numbers from question #2 and #3 together and then divide by two. For this example it would be: 71 + 83 = 124 / 2 = 77

Now compare the computed total of question #2 and #3 with the number you chose for question #1.

Based on this example 77 is how you really and truly feel about ‘Baily’. 60 is how you thought you felt about Baily before taking a closer look. Looks like your real feelings for Baily were higher then expected. That’s a positive outcome.

Scoring:

Anyone who scored over an 80 is probably a keeper.

Between 70 - 80 you may want to think about carefully.

Below 70 in my opinion is toxic.

On a personal note it is my decision to live the life I choose so that means I will only allow people into my life who support me, challenge me in a postive way, and encourage me, not one’s that bring me down. The one’s that try to bring me down get fired quicker then a bad smell flee’s in the breeze. Now do you get it?

If you want to, you can do this exercise for each questionable person in your life.

Remember the only people in your life are the one’s you invite in on some level and allow to stay. If you want to stop attracting what doesn’t work then you need to change your energy to attract what does work. Shifting your energy starts with shifting your perspective. In other words you can’t change other people but you can change yourself and when YOU change, everything around you changes too. Life coaching and NLP are two excellent ways to to get the positive changes you want. Through Life Coaching and NLP you are given the actual key to your mind to open the door of transformation. Imagine what you would do / who you would be if you had no limitations..

Do you want positive and powerful change for yourself? Then if you can find the time, you may want to join me for one of my upcoming workshops in May. Click the links below for more info. Bring a friend; they will appreciate you forever for it. Private coaching and NLP services are always available.

True Intimacy

2009-04-18T21:08:00.002-04:00

By Neill Neill

Time and time again, people tell me they are not experiencing real intimacy in their relationships. Sex? Yes. True intimacy? No. They long for a soul connection, a deep, tender love, a satisfying and fulfilling sexual love. They long for a deeper level of communication, not just the chatter of everyday life.

Seeking Communion

Human beings are hardwired to seek a deep love connection with another human being. I call this deep level of connection we all seek “communion.” And communication is the key to keeping us moving in an upward direction toward communion.

When you meet someone, you begin to form a connection by talking with each other. That’s communication. As you talk and listen, you get to know each other. As you get to know each other, you find you like each other. And since you like each other, you want to communicate even more. That is how the upward spiral toward communion begins.

Communication is the key because it is the only part of the process you have any control over. You can’t just decide you’re going to know someone better. You can’t just decide you’re going to like someone. The only decision under control is whether or not you communicate with them.

Accepting Your Partner, Warts and All

While it is true that good communication is the key to moving toward communion, we need to look more deeply into the roots of intimacy. True love is not that all-too-familiar but temporary state called infatuation. Infatuation fades over time. True, intimate love deepens over time.

The foundation of true love is acceptance. Can you accept your partner for who he or she is, warts and all? Acceptance of each other is and always has been the basis for love. Intimate love can’t flourish without it.

When a couple is in trouble in their relationship, at least one of them is probably having difficulty in accepting something in the other. Nonacceptance leads to criticism, judgment, and damaged communication. Nonacceptance provides the road map to alienation.

Accepting the reality of your partner’s shortcomings doesn’t mean you have to like all aspects of that reality. But accepting reality, whatever it is, is the bedrock of good mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. And accepting the reality of your partner is the bedrock of a good relationship.

Your partner’s behavior and its effects on you are both parts of reality. So if your reality is that your partner’s behavior is hurting you, it would be unhealthy to pretend otherwise. You need to communicate this reality with your partner. Do it without judgment, but do it.

Accepting Yourself As You Are

Before leaving a relationship, or for that matter, before entering one, answer this: How completely do you accept yourself? Your inability to accept as reality something in another usually stems from difficulty you have in accepting the reality of who you are and what you are like.

Do you consciously give yourself permission to experience and be responsible for your actions, feelings, and emotions? Do you do this without putting yourself down? Can you be conscious of and be okay with your thoughts, feelings, and behavior, even when you don’t particularly like the reality of some shortcomings you see in yourself?

True self-acceptance is based in consciousness of reality, whatever it is. If you tend to be a bit judgmental, for example, your easiest course would be to deny it and remain unconscious of it. Being conscious might be uncomfortable because as you come to accept who you are, you might decide you have to change and be less judgmental. That might be difficult and uncomfortable. It would be much easier to remain unconsciously judgmental.

Your road map to personal change is self-acceptance because it is based in consciousness of reality. Self-acceptance pays huge dividends in self-esteem and freedom. If you can fully accept yourself, it is easy to accept others. Then your entering or leaving a relationship is guided by the reality of the relationship itself, not by your need to avoid consciousness of things you might not like in yourself.

When both you and your partner can consciously accept yourselves and accept each other, it is possible for love with true intimacy to flourish and grow over the years.

Faith and Belief

2009-04-17T12:17:00.002-04:00

How often have you asked for assistance, signs, insight, clarity…only to feel confused when the outcome is contrary to what we received? This happens to all of us – lately I have been asking for signs, confirmation, from my angels and guides to remind me that the messages I am getting are true and accurate – yet the outcome appears to be the same. This can cause some doubt, but one thing I have been learning is faith – keeping faith in the process.

This may not be as easy as it sounds when from different angles it can seem as if the world that is around you is not the easiest place to be. Financial crises, relationship changes, job loss or insecurity, health issues or any varied range of personal challenges that seem to take their emotional and mental toll on you in the now moment.

Due to the many changes I have gone through – and still am going through – I feel a different level of peace by being in a state of faith that all things are taken care of, even if I cannot see the outcome at the moment. It’s a matter of removing myself from the end result – the how, when and why and believing, fully knowing, that the outcome will be for my highest good.

This is not always easy and I can’t say I life in a state of total bliss, non-stress and non-worry, but when the feelings that are heavy, worrisome and fearsome do come in, I ask my angels to remind me that everything is working out for the best. Sometimes I will ask for a sign – for me feathers have always been a symbolic message on my path – so I may ask for a feather, a gesture from the angels, to assure me when I feel like I am loosing my certainty because all around me is going against what I am seeking. Then out of nowhere, a feather will present itself. I am reminded, I am not alone, I am guided, I am protected.

If you find you are going through a stage in your life where you feel stressed, strained or simply lost on the path, ask for a sign from your guides or angels – ask for something, anything, that you can see so that you can attain the physical image you need to show you that you are being led and you aren’t out there wandering alone, lost and confused.

Many people see numbers that are symbolic or animals may cross their path that stores a message that is an important reminder – for others its “pennies from heaven” along their path – whatever the symbol, acknowledge it and remember you are being given this sign to remind you of your faith.

These little signs from the angels, our guides or Creator are presented to us to remind us of the infinite love and light that is there, leading, guiding, and assisting us on the journey. We are never in darkness even if there are times when the light does not seem to be on, it is only because we are looking elsewhere and have changed our area of focus.

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Learning To Trust Again!

2009-04-12T06:59:00.003-04:00

By Deborah Morris Coryell

EXPERIENCING LOSS

The most potent message our culture puts out about grief and loss is not to think about it until you absolutely have to! Not only is it one of the first messages we hear but it is one of the loudest and most persistent. Not allowing ourselves to think about the possible losses in our lives makes a monster out of grief. We haven't tried it on; we haven't developed any flexibility or resourcefulness about it. We have buried it in our unconscious minds with a heavy top-soil that screams "Danger - Toxic Material!" And what usually accompanies such a sign? A skull-and-crossbones - a symbol of death!

This perspective not only inspires a number of unhealthy attitudes towards loss, but also keeps loss associated with death. Sex, birth, divorce, death and money have all come out of the closet; topics that had been taboo in "polite" society have now become, if not easy, at least accessible topics of conversation. Yet loss and its attendant, grief, continue to be taboo, shameful and hidden. Like sex, birth, divorce, death and money, loss is a part of our daily lives. Yes, daily lives. Is there a day that goes by where we don't experience a loss of some kind or another? Perhaps we need to exercise the "muscles" that are used in grieving just as we need to exercise the muscles in our physical bodies. There are levels of fitness and wellness we need to achieve in our attitudes and in our beliefs about this experience called life that can't be postponed.

Our capacity to let go, to lose, with grace and awareness and honor comes from having developed certain skills. Each day presents us with the opportunities to hone those skills. Perhaps it is in the face of a thought that randomly crosses our minds or a story that comes to our attention. Perhaps we are reading a newspaper and come across an account of an accident in which a young man or woman has been killed in a carjacking. Our thoughts immediately seize on this story and transpose it into our own lives. And, just as quickly, we shut it off. No! We won't allow ourselves to think about it! Why not? Are we afraid of becoming morbidly obsessed with "bad" things happening? Do "bad" things not happen because we won't allow ourselves to think about them?

A popular contemporary self-help book is entitled When Bad Things Happen To Good People . My second reaction to that title was: who should they happen to? Can we all agree on a group of people we will call on to carry all the tragedies? My first reaction was: these are not "bad" things that happen to us. They are events that happen in the course of life itself. As a popular bumper sticker puts it: "Shit happens." How we deal with it is a manifestation of our relative wellness. Loss happens. Lift those light weights of loss that life brings you regularly so that you can see where your strengths and weaknesses lie - where you're perhaps injured and need healing - before you're asked to lift the heavier and heavier weights.

TONE YOUR GRIEF MUSCLES

When I sit with someone who asks, "Why me?" I always want to ask, "Why not you?" And if it's not you right now, it will eventually be you. And if it's not this loss it will be some other loss. Is it possible to strengthen those muscles that support us in the face of loss? Absolutely. Strength comes by practicing with each loss that life brings to us. Daily practice occurs by noticing how we deal with a lost earring, a broken leg or a broken date; by examining our fears and resistances as they arise; by paying attention to the little voices in our minds that say: I would never be able to deal with ______(fill in the blank). I couldn't go on living without ________(fill in the blank).

Now, go back and see what it would take to survive that. No judgments. Don't diminish your particular struggle. Use it as a way into your mind and the many thoughts that create your belief systems. How good are you at surrender? At letting go? Notice how you respond when plans change. When people change. When the weather gets in your way. When you make a mistake. When you break something. When you're disappointed. Or when you do the disappointing.

How can we trust our inner wisdom if we have not spent time struggling with it, listening to it, being taught by it? The time to seek our inner teacher is not in the face of disaster; it is in the everyday practice of life and loss. As one of the Hasidic masters reminds us: "While a tree with strong roots can withstand a harsh storm, it can hardly hope to grow them once the storm is on the horizon."

KEEPING FAITH

Loss wears many masks. For some of us, the first mask of loss we see is that of betrayal. "This wasn't supposed to happen!" Not only was this loss not in our plans but it is inconceivable to us. Most losses come at us suddenly, unexpectedly, and even if we have had time to "prepare" ourselves, as during a lengthy illness or through a drawn-out process of divorce or relocation, we still often find the reality paralyzing. We look for someone to blame: a doctor, a bus driver, a lunatic, God, our spouses, ourselves. Each is a pitfall since to place blame means that someone could have done something differently so that there would have been a different outcome. Our minds scream, "It wasn't meant to happen like this!" According to whom? The Chilean poet Pablo Neruda said, "Life is what happens while we're busy making other plans."

Our thoughts - what we are thinking - not only affect how we feel but also keep us open or closed to the possibilities inherent in any situation. Thoughts are physical energy that have been formed by consciousness. The challenge is to be conscious of those thoughts so that we are in charge of them rather than having our thoughts in charge of us. For instance, if someone betrays me, and all I can think is that she is a bad person and I am a poor victimized soul, not only will I be blind to all the factors leading up to the betrayal but I will also be blind to many of the roads leading away from the betrayal. I will be locked inside a prison of my own making!

Whatever the circumstances or the degree of the betrayal, every situation is like an onion skin with many, many layers, and our task is to stay present as long as it takes to peel away as many of those layers as possible. In this process there's always a teaching. It's rarely the one we thought we signed up for and seldom one we would have chosen. If we can hold onto the idea that every moment in our lives is potentially teaching us something, and that we always have some choices in the matter, we can hold ourselves open instead of collapsing around our pain, suffering and sense of betrayal.

One morning I received, in rapid succession, two letters and a phone call from three friends whom I had always felt to be trusted allies and advisors. For twenty years I had held each of them, with their trials and tribulations, in my heart and mind, available at any hour of the day or night should they need me. Now I was in need. Struggling and vulnerable, I had turned to each of them for help. Each, for their own reasons, turned away from me. A sense of grief and betrayal threatened to overwhelm me in my already fragile state. The loss of 20 years of faith and trust that these friends would be there for me was devastating. Knowing that 60 years of relationship were crumbling beneath my feet, all I could think was, who could I trust? What is there left to trust?

The phone rang again. I picked it up. It was a wise woman friend who received my pain and loss, and said quietly to me: trust includes betrayal. In the moment she uttered those words, I knew they were true. I couldn't explain it, even to myself, but I could feel the wisdom, the truth, of the teaching. Over time I have struggled to learn about the trust that includes betrayal. To trust completely is to hold our faith so firmly that even what appears to be and feels like a betrayal can be included as part of the wholeness of that faith. What is such a faith? Faith that life is not arbitrarily singling us out to harass and punish us, to wound us, to torment us; faith that somewhere along the line the wisdom of this moment of loss will be revealed to us. Faith that this is part of the plan. Is betrayal revealed wisdom concealed?

Abraham Heschel wrote, "To have faith is not to capitulate but to rise to a higher plane of thinking. To have faith is not to defy human reason but rather to share divine wisdom."

Life in its very nature is unpredictable. There are no guarantees of what will happen next. The Tibetans say: "Tomorrow or the next life, which comes first we cannot know." That very unpredictability holds loss at its center. What we need and have today might no longer be ours tomorrow. This gives rise to the question of whether it was "ours" to begin with.

Trust in the ebb and flow of life is essential to our well-being. We trust that the tides will rise and fall, that the sun will come up each morning and the seasons will follow each other. Can we trust that there is meaning and wisdom in the ebb and flow, the gifts and losses, of our lives? And can we include betrayal in that trust? Loss brings us to our knees. Faith in our constantly changing fortunes - trust in our singular life force - raises us up again.

How big can we get in the face of divorce? How big can we open the lens of our minds and hearts as we look at the devastation that our lives appear to be? What would it take to keep our hearts and minds open? Betrayal is a powerful threat to our survival. In the face of betrayal we think we must bolt all the doors and windows. We close our hearts and minds at the very moment when we need more than anything to stay open to let in the love and wisdom that life also offers in the face of loss.

The seed of trust lies in knowing we didn't lose everything we had; that nothing can be lost once it's in our hearts and minds. The healing that the loss brings allows us to stay open in "good faith." We stand in gale force winds buffeted by the duality of betrayal and trust. At the center, our hearts stand open being held by the love which created us. With love, you begin to honor the life that moves through you and that will enable you to create a new and different relationship with your ex-spouse.

It won't be easy. Life and love ask everything of us. Ultimately, they ask us to be willing to trust enough to continue loving in the face of the betrayal that loss brings.

LETTING GO

In most situations, we're taught to hold on so tightly to what we have that any time we lose hold, we suffer - even if what we've lost was causing us pain. Suffering, grieving, and mourning in the face of divorce is as much a part of the process as it is in the face of death. But (and this is a big but) if pain is all that remains, we've lost more than a lover, a partner, a friend, and a marriage: we've lost our faith in life. If that feels like too big a leap - to go from suffering the loss of a love to losing our faith in life - let's stop for a moment.

Take a deep breath. Let your chest open and expand and fill with air. Let it out. Take another breath as you think about the blame and anger that often accompany loss. As you breathe in, consider the idea that when we're in pain, we need to find the source of that pain before we know what steps to take to heal. A simple pain in your side, for example, could signal a life-threatening rupturing appendix. We don't usually get side-tracked by anger or blame during a physical crisis. For example, if you were to waste time and energy figuring out who to blame for your rupturing appendix before taking the actions necessary for healing - probably surgery and rest in this case - you'd be dead. Blame and anger are the pitfalls, the danger zones, of an emotional crisis as well as a physical crisis.

Recently, I found myself thinking about a dear friend who continues to feel victimized and agitated by her divorce. Although her divorce became final almost a year ago, we had been struggling together for years to help her come to terms with her painful marriage. I picked up the phone and asked her to read with me the section on "Faith" in my book Good Grief. The next day, she called with a revelation: "If I let him off the hook by abandoning my anger and blame," she said, "then I'll be saying that what he did was OK."

"But in order to get him and keep him on that hook," I told her, "you have to stay attached to that hook with him." The price of blame is staying stuck in pain and suffering.

I respect the position of anger and blame; they serve their purpose in the recovery process. But don't stop here: this is not where you want to spend the rest of your life. Instead, pass through anger and blame - and even pain - on your way to someplace else. And where might that someplace else be?

Consider that we are all students in this school of life. We're all in the process of being taught. Instead of getting snagged on questions like: "Who is to blame?" "Where can I direct my anger?" or "What went wrong?" steer towards the question that asks: "What am I being taught?" To even ask that question, we must have faith that there is a teaching taking place, that life is not randomly destroying our happiness. In order to risk having a relationship again, you might need to keep your heart open and soft in the face of your loss.

But how can you remain soft in the face of pain - especially when everyone is telling you to be tough? How do you resist getting lost in your fear, anger, and betrayal? The first step is to pay attention to your thoughts. Scientists say that we have several thousand thoughts per day; how many can you remember? Those same scientists tell us that thought proceeds action, which means that we're constantly acting on thoughts of which we are barely aware!

Begin an awareness campaign - just notice the parade of thoughts going through your mind. Pick a few settings where you're not doing anything else: stopped at a red light or caught in bumper-to-bumper traffic; waiting on the phone, in line at the bank or the supermarket or the movies. Step two is to "tag" certain thoughts that fill you with anger, pain or fear. Don't "do" anything with them - just become aware of which thoughts hurt.

When you're ready, the next step is to breathe deeply when these painful thoughts arise. Don't run away. Don't tighten up, collapse, or start looking for someone to blame - just breathe. Feel the tightness in your heart loosen as the breath goes deeper. Just by breathing, the sharpness of the pain begins to recede. Once you're comfortable with tagging the thoughts and breathing through them, go to the next step.

Begin a dialogue between those thoughts and your own "inner wisdom." If you don't hear the voice of that "inner wisdom", find someone you trust and respect - it could be a parent, a friend, a therapist or a spiritual counselor.

One of my teachers used to say that when we're healing, we sometimes need to "change the channel." While we're caught up by the program on one network, we can forget that all the other stations are simultaneously broadcasting different shows. Imagine that your mind has several channels, and when you find yourself caught by the fear channel or the anger channel, remind yourself that there's other programming available. What is the channel in your part of the world for the wisdom? Sometimes, all we need to do is to let the tuner search. Listen as the tuner in your heart and soul searches for the wisdom station. You will always recognize it because it will be crystal clear.

When the heart breaks, it can break open. Breaking open allows us to include more than the loss, more than the pain and betrayal. It lets us go beyond the limits of who we believed we were. If you can keep yourself open in spite of the pain, then this loss, this death, this divorce will become something else. It will transform from a death to a birth: the birth of your inner wisdom or guide that you can trust to lead you back onto the playing fields of life where love and loss go hand in hand.

When You Lose Someone You Love!

2009-04-09T16:48:00.003-04:00

One of my friend is going to a rough time. I just want her to know that her mum will always be there close to her. A lot of people are there, ready to listen and help you. Keep faith in life and stay strong.

Here's a little article that might help you and others to go through that time.

I was talking to my friend Chad a few days ago about his mom . He said she wasn't doing to well, but I said well I will keep praying to the big guy that she gets better soon. A few days had passed and he let me know she had passed. It devastated me. I know where she is there is no more pain or no more suffering, but that doesn't make it any easier when we lose someone we love very much.

The Process

I know they all saying losing someone you love is a process. Sometimes people tell you well at least you can be happy they are in a better place. You don't always want to hear that at the time of when that happens. You don't want to feel the guilt that they are gone and you are happy they are in a better place. But in time things do get better but it is always hard losing someone you love. You soon realise where they are there is no more suffering and no more pain. You can start to realise the good times and share them with others to keep there memory alive. It does take time to heal from a death, but we must rejoice because in death there is a spirit alive somewhere in heaven watching down on us and making sure we are ok.

More info

The Power of a Hug

2009-04-05T10:55:00.005-04:00

A hug is generally a positive exchange of energy between two or more people. Healing is sometimes about simply having someone hold you in their arms and feeling their love, caring and compassion. To many souls reality is a lonely, painful experience with nowhere to turn. A hug is a way to share both good and bad times with others. A hug can create a connection that one cannot express in words. Even a small hug generally makes everyone feel good. A hug can make one feel safe and secure. It can lift our spirits and make us smile. Some people are not comfortable with the physical embrace, yet a quick hug can go a long way. A hug is meant for everyone.

Hugs are not much different than Reiki or any other contact healing technique. It's all the same. It's all energy, Healing energy. Healing is frequency. The nature of the harmonic is to create balance and raise frequency. Energy exchanges create an electromagnetic flow that can temporarily heal or at least bring someone into greater understanding about getting help. Without healing the emotional body though, all will revert back, or find another outlet of expression in physical reality.

More info

The Human Energy Body

2009-04-05T10:44:00.002-04:00

By Shelly Johnson

Everyone is surrounded by an electromagnetic field, and this field is called an aura. The aura has been depicted throughout history in literature and paintings. Angel pictures show it as a halo; pictures of Jesus often depict a light around his head. Auras are not unique to angels and religious leaders, however; a field of energy surrounds us all.

As with our physical bodies, our auras can become "ill." Healers who work with energy can scan our energy fields and detect areas where our energy is congested or depleted. They can detect blockages and work to clear out and redistribute energy. Skilled healers can also revitalize our energy by offering life force energy, which is often called chi or prana.

There are many different therapies that work with energy. Many hospitals are starting to use Therapeutic Touch, which works on the auric field. Whatever therapy is utilized,energy work is a very powerful healing tool.

AURA PHOTOGRAPHY

With scientific developments, the aura can now be photographed. Aura or Field Photography depicts the energy field around the body. The various colors seen can give us clues to our emotional and physical well-being. As more work is done in this field, it may one day be used for medical diagnosis.

Your energy field can be photographed with special "Aura" or "Field" cameras.

Color Analysis: (Aura colors change frequently depending on our emotions, physical activity, health, etc.)

· White - spiritual; highly evolved spiritually; motivated. White incorporates the qualities of all other colors.

· Violet - mystical, unifying, enchanted, charming. Deep spiritual understanding and high spiritual energy that can transmute lower energies.

· Blue - depth of feeling, peace, love, affection, communication, fulfilling the highest ideals of unity.

· Green - healing and teaching. Also endurance, perseverance, persistence, high self-esteem.

· Yellow - sunny, exhilarated, mental, powerful, expectant, tenacious. Golden may mean spiritual knowledge or mental strength.

· Orange - creative, artistic, expressive. Also fullness of experience and the urge to achieve results or success.

· Red - force of will, passion, vitality, desire, physical activity, excitability, anger, intensity of experience.

FEELING THE AURA

In addition to being photographed, the aura can be felt. We often feel other people's auras without even realizing it. Have you ever met anyone and instantly liked or disliked him or her? You were probably picking up signals from this person's energy field. Have you ever noticed that when you're having a "bad day," people steer clear of you? We are constantly putting out vibrations to everyone around us.

Sensitizing Your Hands

To begin working with auras, we must become more sensitive to feeling subtle energies. Try these exercises for 10 minutes a day for two weeks:

1. Place your right thumb in the center of the left palm. With a gentle twisting back and forth motion, use the thumb to activate the chakra in your palm. Reverse for the right hand.

2. Gently blow on this same spot with quick puffs.

3. Hold your hands out in front of you, palms facing. With palms about 12 inches apart, gently move the hands in and out about a half an inch. Gradually bring the palms closer, continuing the in and out motion, until they are about three to four inches apart. The force you feel between your palms is energy. You may also feel heat or a tingling sensation.

CLEANSING AND REVITALIZING

There are many ways for you to help yourself by cleansing your own energy and the energy in your home. Here are a few:

Cleansing Your Energy

1. Use salt and water to neutralize toxic psychic energies. You can make up a saltwater solution and put it in a spray bottle or take a bath with salt added.

2. Mix a 1/2 cup of baking soda in with your bath water.

3. Mix a 1/4 cup Epsom salt with 1 cup baking soda and 1 tablespoon salt. Soak for 10-15 minutes. (This is especially good for psychic tension, when you're feeling overly sensitive.)

4. Use dried basil bath to cleanse the energy when there are too many negative (or aggressive) people around you. Make a tea from the basil, add it to bath water and soak for six minutes.

Taking in Raw Chi (Energy)

1. You can take in raw energy from trees, just make sure they are mature (at least 20 years old). Stand with your back to the tree for 10 minutes.

2. Walk barefoot through the grass or on the ground, and kind of scrape your feet!

3. Drink water that has been sitting in the sun.

Cleaning the Energy in Your Home

1. Smudge with sage, cedar, lavender or tobacco.

2. Smudge sticks can be found in most New Age or Metaphysical stores. These cleanse the negative energy. Be sure to move around the room and don't forget to do the corners. It is a good idea to open a window.

3. To change the energy in your house and bring in Divine Love, mix 1/4 teaspoon brown sugar with 2 drops honey. Spread it over a piece of charcoal (purchase this in metaphysical stores). Meditate over the charcoal, concentrating on your intention for two minutes. Light the charcoal and let it burn.

Energy Around Us

2009-04-04T13:56:00.001-04:00

How do we Feel the Energy around us?

March 2, 2007 by Acadian

I was answering a blog the other day about how I feel energy, and I was answering that I can feel the emotions of others without them displaying any physical emotions at all. But then a little voice in my head was telling to delete what I have written and to right about how the body perceives energy. OK then so here it is:

- Everything in this world is composed of energy.
- Our Bodies are made up of 70% + Water
- Everything sends out a different energy wave (pattern)

And Guess what? Water is a very good receiver for energy waves.

So this is the message that I had to convey, I know that it is sounds purely based on scientific/physics principles, but the more that you think about it, the more it actually makes sense.

Have a wonderful day

Marcel

Find Love in All Right Places

2009-03-24T08:30:00.001-04:00

Are you Ready to Expand your Experience of Pure Love?

Definition of "Pure Love":
an over abundance of self-love
that spontaneously flows
out to others and continues
to effortlessly replenish itself.

How is Pure Love Expressed?
Pure Love can only be expressed through Love that has no filters and needs nothing in return. If love is expressed through fear, jealousy, scarcity or any type of need or expectation, it is not the true essence of love. It is a mere shadow of what it is meant to be. Pure Love can only be expressed through a clear channel.

How do I become a Clear Channel for Love?
Remember how old TV's use to lose their reception and get all fuzzy? You may have tried to watch your show through the fuzz, but after a short while, even your favorite show, couldn't hold your attention - or if you did manage to make it through the show, you found yourself to be terribly disappointed and maybe even feeling a little empty? Well, anything less than Pure Love is the same - it's like trying to communicate through a fuzzy channel for both the sender and receiver of that love. Pure Love can only be experienced by the giver when it is expressed through a clear channel. Pure Love can only be fully received by a clear channel as well. When love is filtered through issues, love is distorted, fragmented and just a sliver of what it truly is - thereby not being love at all. Pure Love is always complete - if it is distorted, held back or conditional in any way, it is not Pure Love and just a facade of its true nature.

We distort and fragment love when we need something in return for our love. In other words, if we expect the one we love to love us back, fulfill our needs in any way, or we put him or her before ourselves, love becomes distorted and fragmented. This is truly the number one reason why many relationships start off so amazing and soon turn to shit. In the beginning love flows so freely from both lovers, but as soon as the lovers start identifying with each other to get their needs met, love suddenly becomes conditional and therefore stops flowing. As soon as either person in the relationship starts looking to the other to fulfill their needs in any way an unspoken contract is created. In other words:

If I love you, you must take care of me and meet my needs - and if you don't, then you don't really love me. If I believe you don't love me, then I will have to hold my love back from you in order to protect myself. In fact, if you don't act the way I think you should act, then I know you don't love me - so why should I continue to love you?

It is easy to see that when one feels fearful that they are not loved and cared for, love becomes blocked and each person fights against themselves and each other. This is not Pure Love. Pure Love requires nothing in return - it simply flows because there is an endless abundance of love that flows out of self-love.

If Love is not growing, it is a clear indication
that you are restricting it in some way -
either within yourself.
Only through a perpetual "letting go"
can love expand infinitely.

How do I give love to another?
You don't give love to another. That is the myth that has hindered the expression of love for a very long time. The truth is that you must love yourself first - unconditionally. When you truly love yourself in all ways without hesitation, interruption, excuse or fear, you become Love. You are love and the true essence of who you really are. This is how you "BEcome Love".

You are the beloved you have been searching for. When you are Love, love overflows from you in ever renewing abundance and flows out into the world naturally. As love effortlessly flows from you, others can receive it and experience it deeply - as deep as they are open to it (which is not your responsibility or will you even care). Even if others are shut down to your love, it still reaches them on an unconscious level and begins to awaken them from their slumber. On some deep level they recognize it as their own true essence. Once that essence is awoken, a greater force leads in the direction of experiencing love fully - experiencing one's self fully. You can only experience yourself fully through Love. Without complete self-love there is only misdirection, confusion and blindness thinking it can see.

When you love yourself unconditionally and you own your power through knowing yourself, love is expressed and experienced as Pure Love. When you reject any part of yourself, you reject your whole self - and any love that is felt or expressed is just a facade. The more you deny yourself, the more love is denied. The more you accept and love yourself, and embrace who you really are, the more love can be expressed and experienced.

When you are filled with unconditional self-love, every being in the Universe can feel and experience Love through you on a deep level. When you intenuously focus on another, your love vastly enhances the experience of love for you and the recipient of your love. When love's recipient receives love openheartedly and without filters of any sort, love is magnified back to you and as it is magnified in you, you return it with even greater intensity. Love then expands exponentially in all ways - always.

This is how love unfolds into the divine experience of God.

* Pure Love sees itself in everything and everyone - and feels enormous gratitude.
* Pure Love clearly sees, deeply feels and absolutely knows that we are all part of the One.
* Pure Love knows that there is only One and everything appearing separate is an illusion.
* Pure Love has no doubt, questions, or hesitation in loving.
* Pure Love is true to itself and has nothing to hide or from which to hide.
* Pure Love is transparent.
* Pure Love knows that the only eyes you can ever look into are your own.
* Pure Love constantly replenishes itself without end.

How do I know if I am expressing Pure Love?
If love ceases to flow in any way, it was never really love to begin with. It was fear masquerading as love. As soon as the party is over, and the masks come down, love is gone. When you experience Pure Love, it is infinite, without hesitation, interruption or question. It just is - and can do nothing other than express itself through you - without conditions or repression of any kind.

If I give so much to others, isn't that Pure Love?
Does your giving and giving ever leave you drained, depressed or needing something for yourself? If the answer is yes, then you are not experiencing Pure Love. You can have the biggest heart in the world and give generously to every one else but if that love does not overflow out of self-love, it is definitely not Pure Love. Many people put others before themselves because they are empty inside and their giving needs something in return. If giving to others ever drains you, it is a clear message that you need to redirect your giving to yourself by putting your needs and desires first and foremost.

This is not selfish - it is Self Full! Giving to others must come from a full self otherwise it has expectations attached to it - which become unspoken conditions. Your expectations might be that others act the way you think they should act or that they meet your emotional needs in some way. Remember, when you need something from someone else, you are only giving love to get love - which is not Pure Love at all. Pure Love needs NOTHING from anyone - ever. Love yourself first unconditionally and then your love towards others will be bottomless and rejuvenating.

Only when you love yourself first can others truly feel loved by you - otherwise they will consciously or unconsciously feel your emptiness, neediness and expectation - and experience your giving as an unspoken contract of some sort. In other words, they feel that if they accept your love, something is expected from them in return. This explains why people may shut some "givers" out of their lives in one way or another - they are protecting themselves from emotional vampires masquerading as givers. Harsh? Maybe but true nonetheless.

When you are full of self-love, you will truly experience more love from others as well. If you ever feel unloved, it is likely because you are filtering others love for you through your emotional needs. When you use love to fulfill your needs and fill yourself up inside, you never experience it as Pure Love. If you are already full inside, the love you receive is genuinely absorbed by you - because love can only be absorbed and felt through love. When love hits emptiness, it becomes empty. When love hits love, it becomes even more love.

How do I love myself unconditionally?
Pure Love intrinsically knows that everywhere we look we only see ourselves and if we can not love all that we see and experience, it is because we are not really loving ourselves. You cannot purely love another until you love yourself unconditionally. If you put any conditions on your self-love, you are denying yourself and love ceases to flow. If you believe that you can't love yourself until someone forgives you, you lose weight, you make more money or anything else, your self-love is conditional. Conditional self-love is not love at all. Unconditional means nothing (I do mean nothing) hinders your love for yourself. You are lovable right now - no matter what. In fact, if you don't love yourself right now, even if all your current conditions are met, you will sadly discover that you still don't love yourself and you have set even more unrealistic conditions.

The conditions are a distraction and come from a fear based belief system. What are you afraid will happen when you truly love yourself unconditionally right now? Are you ultimately afraid that you will be too powerful for yourself and others? Many believe this. It's true that in your current limited state of conditional self-love, you wouldn't be able to handle the enormous power and strength that comes directly from unconditional self-love but as you continue to choose self-love day after day and minute after minute, you will effortlessly grow into the person who is capable of handling and expressing all your intrinsic power. This is the Secret to creating a fun, rich, exciting and effortless life. This life awaits you.

Pure love of another needs intrinsic power to fuel her. Intrinsic power is indestructible and comes from knowing who you really are and loving yourself unconditionally. Love is nothing without this power and power is nothing without Love. Only when Love and Power dance together in unison - in oneness, can Love grow abundantly and be experienced as the amazing gift it truly is.

My wish for you is to accept this gift with open arms.
Peace and Love from Me to You!

Nanice
Copyright © 2001-2008
All Rights Reserved

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-03-19T10:31:00.001-04:00

72.The outsider

The Outsider

So you are feeling yourself an outsider. This is good. This is the transitory period. Now you have to be alert not to fill yourself with pain and misery. Now that God is no longer there, who is going to console you? You don't need any consolation. Humanity has come of age. Be a man, be a woman, and stand on your own feet.... The only way to be connected with existence is to go inwards, because there at the center you are still connected. You have been disconnected physically from your mother. That disconnection was absolutely necessary to make you an individual in your own right. But you are not disconnected from the universe. Your connection with the universe is of consciousness. You cannot see it, so you have to go deep down with great awareness, watchfulness, witnessing, and you will find the connection. The buddha is the connection!

Osho God is Dead: Now Zen is the Only Living Truth Chapter 3

Commentary:

The small child in this card is standing on one side of a gate, looking through it. He is so small, and so convinced that he cannot get through, he cannot see that the chain holding the gate is not locked; all he has to do is open it. Whenever we feel 'left out', or excluded, it brings up this feeling of being a small, helpless child. It is not surprising, as the feeling is deeply rooted in our earliest childhood experiences. The problem is that, because it is so deeply rooted, it plays over and over again, like a tape, in our lives. You have an opportunity now to stop the tape, to quit tormenting yourself with ideas that you are somehow not 'enough' to be accepted and included. Recognize the roots of these feelings in the past, and let go of the old pain. It will bring you the clarity to see how you can open the gate and enter that which you most long to become.

Osho Zen Tarot

A funny laugh!

2009-03-15T08:44:00.001-04:00

To start your day, watch this, impossible not to laugh with that man!

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-03-14T07:33:00.000-04:00

2.Inner Voice

Inner Voice

If you have found your truth within yourself there is nothing more in this whole existence to find. Truth is functioning through you. When you open your eyes, it is truth opening his eyes. When you close your eyes, it is truth who is closing its eyes.

This is a tremendous meditation. If you can simply understand the device, you don't have to do anything; whatever you are doing is being done by truth. You are walking, it is truth; you are sleeping, it is truth resting; you are speaking, it is truth speaking; you are silent, it is truth that is silent.

This is one of the most simple meditation techniques. Slowly, slowly everything settles by this simple formula, and then there is no need for the technique. When you are cured, you throw away the meditation, you throw away the medicine. Then you live as truth - alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself. Your whole life becomes a prayer without any words, or better to say a prayerfulness, a grace, a beauty which does not belong to our mundane world, a ray of light coming from the beyond into the darkness of our world.

Osho The Great Zen Master Ta Hui Chapter 23

Commentary:

The Inner Voice speaks not in words but in the wordless language of the heart. It is like an oracle who only speaks the truth. If it had a face, it would be like the face at the center of this card - alert, watchful, and able to accept both the dark and the light, symbolized by the two hands holding the crystal. The crystal itself represents the clarity that comes from transcending all dualities.

Osho Zen Tarot

Un ange!

2009-03-14T02:11:00.009-04:00

Quand un ange passe dans nos vies
C'est toujours à un moment précis
Où nous avions besoin de support
ou bien de réconfort.

Il arrive parfois que cet ange souriant
Reste à nos côtés un certain temps
Ou qu'il ne soit que de passage
Pour nous donner du courage

Peu importe la durée de son séjour
Sa présence est remplie d'amour
Il rayonne par sa simplicité
Et nous donne une raison d'espérer

Puis, quand son travail est accompli
Et une fois qu'il est reparti
C'est là qu'on peut se questionner
Si un ange est venu nous guider

Ils n'ont pas toujours des ailes
Mais les anges sont exceptionnels
Si vous en rencontrez un dans votre vie
Souriez et dites simplement merci!

Pour un de mes amis qui vit des moments difficiles, en espérant qu'il se reconnaîtra!

For 4 amazing boys!

2009-03-11T12:54:00.003-04:00

Une amie m'a envoyé un article qui d'une certaine façon honore ma famille, soit mes quatres garçons. J'ai décidé de le partager avec vous, car si vous avez des enfants vous vous retrouverez aussi dans cet article.

Merci beaucoup Arielle d'être une si bonne amie. xox

For 4 amazing boys
Kids are simply wonderful.

Sure sometimes they drive you crazy but they can also make you feel so important just by saying "I love you".
They take real pleasure in small things, things that most adults would find meaningless.
When they laugh it's with all their heart.
They don,t judge you by society standards but by your word and actions.
If you know how to look and listen, you learn a great deal from them because they see the world differently and most of the time, they are closer to the truth than anybody else.
They share their joy willingly wihtout asking anything in return.
Their eyes are always shining so brightly.
They have a glow about them when they sleep that moves the heart and you can almost touch their peace.
They can warm your soul with but a hug or brighten your saddest day with but a smile.
Their strenght lies in their innocence.
They are absolutely beautiful.
They are a gift that should be treasured and protected.

Arielle

Someday, you'll laugh about this!

2009-03-09T22:06:00.002-04:00

By Marlene Buffa

Our friends provide us with the most amazing reflections of ourselves through their patient understanding and perspective. Often when things seem difficult in our lives, we pout, whine, get angry and ultimately wonder how life will ever be the same again. One quiet, sensible friend, will inevitably take a moment to remind you, that no matter how rough the waters may appear at the moment, someday soon, you’ll laugh about the situation in retrospect. The gentle reminder that everything in life is temporary no matter how dire the circumstances or insurmountable the odds, brings us back to the present moment.

Financial
These days, a small majority of Americans find themselves unemployed. While some financial situations may appear desperate, they are a manifestation of our choices and a culmination of our attitudes towards prosperity, and should be recognized as a necessary lesson. For the most part, more money can always be earned, and there is enough for everyone. Your personal finances and the economy of our country, as history demonstrates repeatedly, is impermanent. It won’t last forever and it will change. Hang in there – someday you’ll refer to the tough times as “the good old days!”

Situations
Whether family matter or work situations keep you up each night with worry and doubt, know that these, too, will eventually go out with the tide. Waves of fear and anger over personal injustice, or the rough waters of struggle and the unknown leave all of us longing for the shores of contentment.

Take a moment to step back and realize that all that worries you today, will be tomorrow’s history. The anxiety wanes, the cold sweat and panic subsides and whatever the outcome, you’ll emerge more resolute than you thought possible. Time drags change right along with it. Whatever you stress over today will dissipate with tomorrow’s sunrise – or at the very least, it will have changed enough for you to notice the illusion of the fear you held so closely.

Relationships
Louise Hay says that all relationships are temporary. People come in and out of your life exactly when they should, and they stay as long as they need to. She astutely tells us to love but understand that separation of any kind is inevitable.

In life, we attend births and funerals. We celebrate marriage and console one another through divorce. Friends and family move away, and new people come into our lives. A constant flow of love’s energy moves through us, and if we embrace the person and the gifts they offer us by their presence in our lives, we accept the impermanence of the relationship. We bless others, and release them when its time to move on. We honor them by freely letting go, and acknowledge them by recognizing the mutual contributions made in one another’s visit.

Love
Throughout our lives, we see many types and degrees of love. Some say love fades away or even dies, and others believe love is eternal. If love can be created and in some ethereal sense, become “matter,” they it cannot be destroyed. While our relationships are temporary, the capacity to give and receive love endures beyond our physical appearance on earth.

You may find yourself in or out of love, but love still endures in your heart. The object of your affection is temporary. The love lasts forever.

When we reflect on our day in our evening prayer or meditation, we thank our Creator for all the good in our life. Knowing everything exists only in the moment thereby making everything we experience temporary, we also give thanks for things which don’t last forever!

May you learn to separate your spirit from the situation, the relationship, the hardship and the love, and realize the only permanence you experience in life is who you are. And you are temporary, too.

Le bonheur peut être simple!

2009-03-08T16:57:00.003-04:00

Quelques mots de Hervé Desbois...

Il va, il vient, capricieux comme le vent, doux comme une caresse, vivifiant comme un soleil de printemps; il nous rattrape quand nous ne l'attendons pas, il nous fuit quand nous le voulons à tout prix. Mais il peut tout aussi bien nous échapper si nous le négligeons.

La vie ne serait-elle qu'une longue quête du bonheur? Nos actions, d'ailleurs, ne sont peut-être motivées que par cette quête, ne serait-ce qu'inconsciemment. Parfois, aussi, confondons-nous plaisir et bonheur. Parce que le bonheur ne peut être égoïste. Un bonheur vrai, un bonheur complet, est un bonheur partagé.

Le bonheur n'est jamais le fruit d'un savant calcul, ni le fruit du hasard. Il n'existe pas de formule pour le faire jaillir du néant. Il n'y a rien de mathématique ni de logique dans ce merveilleux état d'âme. Aucune formule chimique ne pourra le faire naître. Le bonheur appartient au monde de l'âme, non celui de la matière. Et même si nous pouvons le partager avec d'autres, ou le recevoir des autres, comme une semence, c'est de nous seuls qu'il dépend.

Des vraies amies!

2009-03-06T14:54:00.003-05:00

Je suis dans une période de ma vie qui m'a permise de réaliser l'intégrité des gens qui m'entourent. Par le fait même, j'ai la chance de me rendre compte que je suis entourée de vraie amie qui m'ont supporté sans jugement, qui m'ont donné beaucoup d'amour sans attendre quoi que ce soit en retour et aujourd'hui je leur retourne avec ces quelques mots toute ma gratitude envers elles.

On dit souvent que les vraies amies d'une vie se compte sur les doigts d'une seule main, et bien je suis heureuse de savoir qu'à ce jour, quelques doigts de ma main compte de vraies amies à vie. Merci d'être dans ma vie! (Arielle, Marie-Andrée et Paola)

Pour ceux et celles qui ne savent pas reconnaître ce qu'est un(e) vrai(e) ami(e), je vous dédie le texte qui suit.

Un(e) vrai(e) ami(e), c'est quoi?
Par Nathalie Serbin

Un ami, c'est un allié

Un ami, c'est d'abord un allié, c 'est à dire quelqu'un qui se réjouit vraiment de ton bonheur et de ta réussite. C'est aussi quelqu'un qui va faire ce qu'il peut, quand il le peut pour aider ta réussite ou ton bonheur. Pas tout le temps, pas à n'importe quelle condition, mais en fonction de ses contraintes et du rythme qu'a sa vie à lui. Un ami, c'est simplement quelqu'un qui a envie de t'aider à être heureux, parce que te voir épanouie fait partie de son propre équilibre.

Attention, pourtant. Méfie toi des gens qui t'aident pour te posséder, ou uniquement pour que tu leur renvoies l'ascenseur : l'amitié, ça n'est pas une boutique dans laquelle tu vends de l'affection ou du service. Ca, il faut toi aussi le garder en tête, pour apprendre à donner sans forcément attendre de retour. Sans que cela charge tes amis d'une quelconque « dette » envers toi. Surtout, ne fais pas les choses pour obtenir toi-même quelque chose. Ca, ça n'est pas de l'amitié, c'est du marchandage. La vraie amitié, c'est aider l'autre « gratuitement », juste parce que son bonheur à lui est un peu ton bonheur à toi.

Les amis, on met parfois du temps à les trouver

Par peur du vide et de la solitude, par peur de ne pas être "normal", on a tendance à vouloir à tout prix s'entourer, quitte à n'avoir pour "amis" que des gens 'toxiques". Ce réflexe, il faut s'en méfier. D'une part, parce qu'il se peut très bien que tu te laisses miner, bouffer par ces faux amis. D'autre part parce qu'en s'entourant d'une foule de personnes dont on ne partage pas vraiment les valeurs et qui ne sont pas rééllement ses "alliés", on finit par ne plus avoir assez de place et de temps pour faire entrer dans son monde des gens qui en valent vraiment la peine.

Or, des gens vraiment précieux, qui te donnent de l'énergie, qui t'inspirent, te soutiennent, te complètent, c'est plus rare qu'on ne croit. Et pour les trouver, il faut du temps et de la patience. Il faut donc accepter d'être plus « sélectif » dans ses amitiés, quitte à avoir moins d'"amis". Ce travail-là peut paraître difficile et long, pourtant il paie à la fin. Car au fur et à mesure, tu n'auras autour de toi que des gens en qui tu peux faire confiance, des gens « bienveillants » et heureux que tu t'épanouisses.

On pourrait en fait comparer sa vie à un jardin. On ne fait pas entrer n'importe qui dans son jardin pour y faire n'importe quoi. On ne laisse pas le premier venu saccager nos plantations, balancer des déchets partout etc. Ca, ça paraît logique. Pourtant dans la vie, on n'applique pas toujours ce principe, er on se laisse envahir facilement par des gens qu'on croit nos amis... Pendant que les autres restent à la grille.

Ton ami ne doit pas être ta chose (et vice versa)

La grande erreur qu'on fait tous à un moment ou à un autre, c'est de croire qu'une amitié peut être exclusive. On attend alors d'un ami qu'il soit tout. Qu'on se ressemble point par point, qu'on ait les mêmes goûts, qu'on fasse tout ensemble. Qu'il n'y ait jamais de clash, jamais de malentendu et… Qu'on ait notre ami pour nous seul.

Cette vision de l'amitié est à la fois illusoire et très dangereux. Car à force de tout attendre de l'autre et de le considérer comme un miroir de soi, on finit par étouffer la relation. Un peu comme dans un couple, quand on est trop exclusifs, on se refuse le droit d'avoir d'autres activités, d'autres amitiés, d'autres influences. Résultat : soit on finit par étouffer et ne plus avoir rien à se dire, soit l'un des deux souffre d'être la chose de l'autre.

Dis-toi bien qu'on n'a pas besoin de tout partager avec quelqu'un pour construire une amitié durable. On peut avoir de grands points de divergences, de grandes différences, mais être complémentaires. On n'a pas besoin non plus besoin de tout faire ensemble pour que l'amitié soit forte et résistante. Au contraire, quand chacun voit d'autres amis, mène ses propres activités, on s'enrichit encore plus. On apprend de l'expérience de l'autre et de ses différences… Bref, on fait vivre l'amitié et on la nourrit. C'est plutôt rassurant, non ?

Pour conclure, en amitié comme ailleurs, n'exige pas trop de toi et des autres. Donne, et puis vois sur quoi ça débouche. Et ne te décourage pas si parfois, tu donnes de toi à des gens qui ne te méritent pas : c'est le jeu, après tout.

Merci à ma mère!

2009-03-04T16:30:00.002-05:00

Je désire dédier quelques paroles de la chanson Une Mère de Lynda Lemay à ma mère qui est très présente dans ma vie. Je la remercie de me respecter dans mes choix, de me supporter et de ne pas porter de jugement. Une mère c'est irremplaçable et elle compte énormément pour moi.

Je trouve que dans la chanson de Lynda Lemay, on ressent la force qu'une mère a pour ses enfants et la plupart des mères viennent à oublier leur propre personne. Il est donc important de prendre bien soin de nos mères avant qu'il soit trop tard.

Ca travaille à temps plein, ça dort un œil ouvert
C’est de garde comme un chien
Ca court au moindre petit bruit, ça se lève au petit jour
Ca fait des petites nuits.
C’est vrai, ça crève de fatigue
Ca danse à tout jamais une éternelle gigue
Ca reste auprès de sa couvée
Au prix de sa jeunesse, au prix de sa beauté

Une mère
Ca fait ce que ça peut, ça ne peut pas tout faire
Mais ça fait de son mieux.
Une mère,
Ca calme des chamailles
Ca peigne d’autres cheveux que sa propre broussaille

Une mère
C'est plus comme les autres filles
Ca oublie d'être fière
Ca vit pour sa famille
Une mère,
Ca se confine au bercail
C'est pris comme un noyau
dans le fruit de ses entrailles

Une mère
C’est là qu’ça nous protège
Avec les yeux pleins d’eau, les cheveux pleins de neige
Une mère
A un moment, ça se courbe, ça grince quand ça se penche
Ca n’en peut plus d’être lourde
Ca tombe, ça se brise une hanche
Puis rapidement, ça sombre
C’est son dernier dimanche
Ca pleure et ça fond à vue d'oeil
Ca atteint la maigreur des plus petits cercueils
O bien sûr, ça veut revoir ensemble
toute sa progéniture entassée dans sa chambre
Et ça fait semblant d’être encore forte
Jusqu’à ce que son cadet ait bien refermé la porte

Et lorsque, toute seule ça se retrouve
Ca attend dignement que le firmament s’entr’ouvre
Et puis là, ça se donne le droit
De fermer pour une première fois les deux yeux à la fois

Thinking Positively

2009-03-01T09:17:00.002-05:00

By John Ellis

Recent studies into how our minds work have revealed that you can be shown how to think positively. You will discover, to your delight, that you have a powerful friend just waiting and willing to help you through your life. This friend, when asked in the right way, will be happy to make thinking positively a truly effective part of your life. Your friend is your unconscious (or subconscious) mind.

Your unconscious mind likes to support you by carrying out what it thinks you want to achieve. It obtains this information by listening in to your thoughts and internal conversations. Unfortunately, however, it often hears internal statements like the following: “I’m going to fail”; “I’m going to panic”; “I feel sick”; “I feel trapped”; “I’m worried about flying”; “It could go wrong”; and so on.

Your unconscious mind hears “I’m going to panic,” so it says to itself, Oh . . . John wants to panic. Fine, I know how to make John panic—I’ve been successfully doing this for ages. Before you know it, you are panicking because your unconscious mind is carrying out what it thinks you want it to do.

Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophesy? That is precisely what you experience because your unconscious mind reacts according to your internal thoughts and conversations, by creating the subsequent actions and feelings to fulfill your prophesy.

So how do you change things? Actually, it is very simple, and you have probably already deduced the answer, but you need to incorporate it into your daily life to make it effective. The solution is to always think about and say what it is you do want to do or how you do want to feel. For example, instead of the thoughts shown above, you need to have thoughts such as “I will be successful”; “I am calm and relaxed”; “I feel fine”; and so on.

However, we now come to a quirk when we look at how your unconscious mind processes instructions that many people consider to be positive, such as “I’m not going to worry”; “Don’t be tense”; or “I’m not going to get it wrong”; and so on. You will notice that all these “positive” instructions actually contain a negative word—either not or don’t. You will also observe that each of these instructions also contains words that may cause you a problem, that is, going to worry, be tense, and going to get it wrong, so you are actually drawing your problems to the attention of your unconscious mind, which is the last thing you want to do.

In addition, and rather interestingly, our unconscious minds do not process negative words at the first attempt. In fact, when it hears “don’t be tense,” the process is as follows: It hears don’t, but at that moment it does not know what it is it should not do—it could be anything, and it tends to disregard this word. Then your mind hears the words be tense, which it takes as a command, and you are left thinking about and becoming tense, which is the total opposite of what you actually want.

Many people say to me that the harder they try not to think about a particular thing or try not to feel a particular way, the more they seem to be drawn to doing that very thing or feeling that way. You have probably noticed this yourself, and you can now understand the reason for this phenomenon.

So again, the solution is to rephrase your thoughts into what you do want, for example, “I will keep myself active”; “I am calm and relaxed”; “It will go really well.”

It will certainly pay you rich dividends to always think about precisely what you do want because you will then harness the wonderful power of your friend and make thinking positively a really effective part of your life.

Also, watch out for words like no, never, can’t, or won’t as they also signal that you are formulating negative suggestions, which you will need to rephrase into the positive. If negative instructions slip out, as they will now and then, tag onto the end the instruction “instead do . . .” (whatever it is you do want to do or have happen).
A word of warning about why and what if questions, for example, “Why does this always happen to me?”; “Why do I always behave this way?”; “What if it doesn’t go as I planned?” Have you ever noticed that when you ask yourself any why or what if question, you always receive a whole host of negative answers and thoughts? Again, this appears to be another quirk of our unconscious minds—to always answer this type of question with negative reasons and answers you really do not want to hear. Consequently, totally avoid why and what if questions because they are counterproductive to thinking positively.

Similarly, with children, we should always say to them what it is we do want them to do and not what we do not want them to do; for example, instead of “don’t drop it” (crash!), say “hold it firmly.” How many times in a day do you hear children being told not to do this or that? Instead, always ask children to do what it is you do want them to do. Parents and teachers can benefit enormously by practically applying this information because it helps children to improve their behavior.

If you still experience difficulty in thinking positively, this is probably because you regularly experience negative emotions in your life, such as anger, sadness, hurt, rejection, fear, anxiety, stress, worry, or guilt. If this is the case, have you ever considered just letting go of these disabling emotions? Or have you thought that this is just the way you are and that consequently, it is not possible for you to change and let go?

The good news is that there are a number of therapies that are able to help you remove these unpleasant feelings. The ensuing calm, resourceful, and happy states of mind will then allow you to become totally positive by using the above suggestions.

So always remember: Don’t don’t! Start training your friend to always think about precisely what it is you do want and how you do want to feel. It is definitely worth the effort because this will help you to produce positive self-fulfilling prophesies . . . and how good will this make you feel?

** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways3.html

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-03-01T09:08:00.000-05:00

7.Awareness

Awareness

Mind can never be intelligent - only no-mind is intelligent. Only no-mind is original and radical. Only no-mind is revolutionary - revolution in action.

This mind gives you a sort of stupor. Burdened by the memories of the past, burdened by the projections of the future, you go on living - at the minimum. You don't live at the maximum. Your flame remains very dim.

Once you start dropping thoughts, the dust that you have collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young. Your whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without any smoke. That is what awareness is.

Osho A Sudden Clash of Thunder Chapter 1

Commentary:

The veil of illusion, or maya, that has been keeping you from perceiving reality as it is, is starting to burn away. The fire is not the heated fire of passion, but the cool flame of awareness. As it burns the veil, the face of a very delicate and childlike buddha becomes visible.

The awareness that is growing in you now is not the result of any conscious "doing", nor do you need to struggle to make something happen. Any sense you might have had that you've been groping in the dark is dissolving now, or will be dissolving soon. Let yourself settle, and remember that deep inside you are just a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged.

A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help you to become detached, and a new awareness will lift the veil from your eyes.

Osho Zen Tarot

Souriez À Quelqu'un Aujourd'hui

2009-02-28T09:36:00.002-05:00

Un sourire ne coûte rien et produit beaucoup.

Il enrichit celui qui le reçoit,

sans appauvrir celui qui le donne.

Il ne dure qu'un instant,

mais son souvenir est parfois éternel.

Personne n'est assez riche pour s'en passer,

personne n'est assez pauvre pour ne pas le mériter.

Il crée le bonheur au foyer, soutient les affaires,

il est le signe sensible de l'amitié.

Un sourire donne du repos à l'être fatigué,

donne du courage au plus découragé.

Il ne peut ni s'acheter, ni se prêter, ni se voler,

car c'est une chose qui n'a de valeur

qu'à partir du moment où il se donne.

Et si toutefois, vous rencontrez quelqu'un

qui ne sait plus sourire,

soyez généreux donnez-lui le vôtre,

car nul n'a autant besoin d'un sourire

que celui qui ne peut en donner aux autres.

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-02-26T16:07:00.001-05:00

36.Flowering

Flowering

Zen wants you living, living in abundance, living in totality, living intensely - not at the minimum as Christianity wants you, but at the maximum, overflowing.

Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry - not only to the friends but to the strangers too.

This is real compassion, this is real love: sharing your enlightenment, sharing your dance of the beyond.

Osho Christianity, the Deadliest Poison and Zen… Chapter 5

Commentary:

The Queen of Rainbows is like a fantastic plant that has reached the apex of its flowering and its colors. She is very sexual, very alive, and full of possibilities. She snaps her fingers to the music of love, and her zodiac necklace is placed in a way that Venus lies over her heart. The sleeves of her garment contain an abundance of seeds, and as the wind blows the seeds will be scattered to take root where they may. She is not concerned whether they land on the soil or on the rocks - she is just spreading them everywhere in sheer celebration of life and love. Flowers fall on her from above, in harmony with her own flowering, and the waters of emotion swirl playfully beneath the flower on which she sits.

You might feel like a garden of flowers right now, showered with blessings from everywhere. Welcome the bees, invite the birds to drink your nectar. Spread your joy around for all to share.

Osho Zen Tarot

Developing Detachment

2009-02-26T16:03:00.003-05:00

What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.
* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational.
* Giving another person "the space'' to be herself.
* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.
* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.
* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.
* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are'' rather than who you "want them to be.''
* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.

What are the negative effects not detaching?
If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you:
* Will have people, places or things which become over-dependent on you.
* Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to do.
* Can become an obsessive "fix it" who needs to fix everything you perceive to be imperfect.
* Run the risk of performing tasks because of the intimidation you experience from people, places or things.
* Will most probably become powerless in the face of the demands of the people, places or things whom you have given the power to control you.
* Will be blind to the reality that the people, places or things which control you are the uncontrollables and unchangeables you need to let go of if you are to become a fully healthy, coping individual.
* Will be easily influenced by the perception of helplessness which these people, places or things project.
* Might become caught up with your idealistic need to make everything perfect for people, places or things important to you even if it means your own life becomes unhealthy.
* Run the risk of becoming out of control of yourself and experience greater low self-esteem as a result.
* Will most probably put off making a decision and following through on it, if you rationally recognize your relationship with a person, place or thing is unhealthy and the only recourse left is to get out of the relationship.
* Will be so driven by guilt and emotional dependence that the sickness in the relationship will worsen.
* Run the risk of losing your autonomy and independence and derive your value or worth solely from the unhealthy relationship you continue in with the unhealthy person, place or thing.

How is detachment a control issue?
Detachment is a control issue because:
* It is a way of de-powering the external "locus of control" issues in your life and a way to strengthen your internal "locus of control.''
* If you are not able to detach emotionally or physically from a person, place or thing, then you are either profoundly under its control or it is under your control.
* The ability to "keep distance" emotionally or physically requires self-control and the inability to do so is a sign that you are "out of control."
* If you are not able to detach from another person, place or thing, you might be powerless over this behavior which is beyond your personal control.
* You might be mesmerized, brainwashed or psychically in a trance when you are in the presence of someone from whom you cannot detach.
* You might feel intimidated or coerced to stay deeply attached with someone for fear of great harm to yourself or that person if you don't remain so deeply involved.
* You might be an addicted caretaker, fixer or rescuer who cannot let go of a person, place or thing you believe cannot care for itself.
* You might be so manipulated by another's con, "helplessness," overdependency or "hooks" that you cannot leave them to solve their own problems.
* If you do not detach from people, places or things, you could be so busy trying to "control'' them that you completely divert your attention from yourself and your own needs.
* By being "selfless'' and "centered'' on other people, you are really a controller trying to fix them to meet the image of your ideal for them.
* Although you will still have feelings for those persons, places and things from which you have become detached, you will have given them the freedom to become what they will be on their own merit, power, control and responsibility.
* It allows every person, place or thing with which you become involved to feel the sense of personal responsibility to become a unique, independent and autonomous being with no fear of retribution or rebuke if they don't please you by what they become.

What irrational thinking leads to an inability to detach?
* If you should stop being involved, what will they do without you?
* They need you and that is enough to justify your continued involvement.
* What if they commit suicide because of your detachment? You must stay involved to avoid this.
* You would feel so guilty if anything bad should happen to them after you reduced your involvement with them.
* They are absolutely dependent on you at this point and to back off now would be a crime.
* You need them as much as they need you.
* You can't control yourself because everyday you promise yourself "today is the day" you will detach your feelings but you feel driven to them and their needs.
* They have so many problems, they need you.
* Being detached seems so cold and aloof. You can't be that way when you love and care for a person. It's either 100 percent all the way or no way at all.
* If you should let go of this relationship too soon, the other might change to be like the fantasy or dream you want them to be.
* How can being detached from them help them? It seems like you should do more to help them.
* Detachment sounds so final. It sounds so distant and non-reachable. You could never allow yourself to have a relationship where there is so much emotional distance between you and others. It seems so unnatural.
* You never want anybody in a relationship to be emotionally detached from you so why would you think it a good thing to do for others?
* The family that plays together stays together. It's all for one and one for all. Never do anything without including the significant others in your life.
* If one hurts in the system, we all hurt. You do not have a good relationship with others unless you share in their pain, hurt, suffering, problems and troubles.
* When they are in "trouble," how can you ignore their "pleas" for help? It seems cruel and inhuman.
* When you see people in trouble, confused and hurting, you must always get involved and try to help them solve the problems.
* When you meet people who are "helpless," you must step in to give them assistance, advice, support and direction.
* You should never question the costs, be they material, emotional or physical, when another is in dire need of help.
* You would rather forgo all the pleasures of this world in order to assist others to be happy and successful.
* You can never "give too much" when it comes to providing emotional support, comforting and care of those whom you love and cherish.
* No matter how badly your loved ones hurt and abuse you, you must always be forgiving and continue to extend your hand in help and support.
* Tough love is a cruel, inhuman and anti-loving philosophy of dealing with the troubled people in our lives and you should instead love them more when they are in trouble since "love" is the answer to all problems.

How to Develop Detachment
In order to become detached from a person, place or thing, you need to:
First: Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person, place or thing with whom you have become overly enmeshed or dependent on.
Second: Take back power over your feelings from persons, places or things which in the past you have given power to affect your emotional well-being.
Third: "Hand over" to your Higher Power the persons, places and things which you would like to see changed but which you cannot change on your own.
Fourth: Make a commitment to your personal recovery and self-health by admitting to yourself and your Higher Power that there is only one person you can change and that is yourself and that for your serenity you need to let go of the "need" to fix, change, rescue or heal other persons, places and things.
Fifth: Recognize that it is "sick'' and "unhealthy'' to believe that you have the power or control enough to fix, correct, change, heal or rescue another person, place or thing if they do not want to get better nor see a need to change.
Sixth: Recognize that you need to be healthy yourself and be "squeaky clean'' and a "role model'' of health in order for another to recognize that there is something "wrong'' with them that needs changing.
Seventh: Continue to own your feelings as your responsibility and not blame others for the way you feel.
Eighth: Accept personal responsibility for your own unhealthy actions, feelings and thinking and cease looking for the persons, places or things you can blame for your unhealthiness.
Ninth: Accept that addicted fixing, rescuing, enabling are "sick'' behaviors and strive to extinguish these behaviors in your relationship to persons, places and things.
Tenth: Accept that many people, places and things in your past and current life are "irrational,'' "unhealthy'' and "toxic'' influences in your life, label them honestly for what they truly are, and stop minimizing their negative impact in your life.
Eleventh: Reduce the impact of guilt and other irrational beliefs which impede your ability to develop detachment in your life.
Twelfth: Practice "letting go'' of the need to correct, fix or make better the persons, places and things in life over which you have no control or power to change.

More info

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-02-23T17:10:00.000-05:00

23. The Creator

The Creator

There are two types of creators in the world. One type of creator works with objects - a poet, a painter, they work with objects, they create things. The other type of creator, the mystic, creates himself. He doesn't work with objects, he works with the subject; he works on himself, his own being. And he is the real creator, the real poet, because he makes himself into a masterpiece.

You are carrying a masterpiece hidden within you, but you are standing in the way. Just move aside, then the masterpiece will be revealed. Everyone is a masterpiece, because God never gives birth to anything less than that. Everyone carries that masterpiece hidden for many lives, not knowing who they are and just trying on the surface to become someone.

Drop the idea of becoming someone, because you are already a masterpiece. You cannot be improved. You have only to come to it, to know it, to realize it. God himself has created you; you cannot be improved.

Osho Ah, This! Chapter 1

Commentary:

The Zen master in this card has harnessed the energy of fire and is able to use it for creation rather than destruction. He invites us to recognize and participate with him in the understanding that belongs to those who have mastered the fires of passion, without repressing them or allowing them to get destructive and out of balance. He is so integrated that there is no longer any difference between who he is inside and who he is in the world outside. He offers this gift of understanding and integration to all those who come to him, the gift of creative light that comes from the center of his being.

Osho Zen Tarot

Angel Of The Day!

2009-02-22T14:04:00.000-05:00

Angel of Faith

Full Meaning:

The Angel of Faith is a very sweet Angel, she comes to us when we feel our own faith is slipping away and there is nothing or no one that can help make our circumstances any better. In fact in those moments we may actually have great faith that things can only get worse!

This Angel then comes to us, often heralded by the scent of Lilies or other sweet smelling flowers, to remind us that Faith in our lives is always active, we have just focused our faith on the belief that something wrong will occur. Instead of having Faith that things will suddenly turn out okay or even better than okay, we may be focusing our wondrous inner power and energies towards that which we assuredly do not desire! Then this Angel comes to us to say “Turn your faith back towards the light and watch as the miracles begin to flow!"

This Angel teaches us how to reconnect with the Light by reminding us that all we need do is turn our attention to it. There is nothing more we need do except to intend that we shall indeed feel the presence of Spirit and all the Angels flowing to and through us. Then if we are truly receptive to the energy we shall find that we are filled with the Light of the Universe and lifted up into a much higher vibration where gratitude, joy and peace reign supreme! It takes only a moment to reconnect with this Angel throughout the day and by doing so frequently we shall find that many of the problems and fears that we thought firmly entrenched are being dissolved by the Light and Love that this Angel has to offer.

When we are starting something new, be it a new job, moving to a new home, starting a new relationship, we can ask this Angel to bless this new beginning with the Faith that all shall indeed work in our highest interests! Or if you are feeling the need to move towards something new in your life and fear that the change shall not be positive, calling upon this Angel can give you the peace and courage to follow through. If indeed it is not for your highest good that you should embark on the new this Angel will help to point you towards a new direction that fills you with great joy and the promise of a brighter present and future.

This Angel also reminds us that when we expect something to occur, whether this expectation is positive or negative, we are also placing all of our powerful faith behind the thought that this will indeed come to pass! Expectations are simply another way of expressing where we have placed our faith. If we expect we won't get the job we are seeking for example then that energy sets up the vibration that repels the job away from us. Yet when we can turn this energy around by coming from a space that says "I have no idea how this situation can turn to my benefit yet I have faith that it shall for a higher power is working on my behalf and nothing is impossible for Spirit to achieve!" then we have tapped into the grace and power that the Universe always has available for us. All we need do is point our faith in the proper direction.

If this angel has appeared for you today she may be asking you to look at what you are placing your own faith at this time. Is your faith slanted towards the best or the worst that could happen? Are you focusing your time and attention worrying about what may happen today or taking the actions that you feel guided to take to insure that only the best will occur? Do you have faith in your own ability to create the life that you desire to be living? If not, ask this Angel to enter your life with an open heart and mind and allow her to fill you with the Faith she has in you.

More info

The Open Heart

2009-02-21T10:35:00.002-05:00

By Judith Pennington

No doubt you have noticed the wonderful people, projects and programs rising into consciousness to help us deal with these challenging times. Over just the past year in America, Eckhart Tolle's visions of A New Earth seeded spiritual awakening in millions of people watching 'The Oprah Winfrey Show.' Former Vice-President Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his tireless work on the causes of and solutions to global warming, and now a brilliant young U.S. president, Barack Obama, will walk the moral, ethical and spiritual high road to socioeconomic parity, global dialogue and world peace.

These are exciting times indeed! Between 2001 and 2005, the number of Cultural Creatives people who read at least 25 books a year on personal growth, green ecology, sustainable living and spirituality increased from one-fifth to one-fourth of the U.S. adult population. Today, hundreds of millions of people across the world are participating in a global shift of consciousness.

Signs of this collective effort are springing up all over the U.S. Several years ago, spiritual leader Marianne Williamson stood up to demand a cabinet-level Department of Peace that will make peace an organizing principle in families, institutions and government, and this movement is gaining momentum. The World Oneness Campaign founded by Neale Donald Walsch, author of Conversations with God, is teaching social systems the concept of oneness, acquired by deep study with continual reference to the Source so that life is a constant prayer of connecting with inner divinity.

Deepak Chopra's Alliance for A New Humanity networks organizations seeking to bring about a global change of heart. HeartMath's Global Coherence Initiative asks people to pray peace, and its Global Coherence Monitoring System will measure the effect of prayer on the earth's electromagnetic field, the ionosphere.

While peace ambassador James Twyman trains spiritual peacemakers, quantum physicist John Hagelin compiles hundreds of studies demonstrating that group meditation remarkably reduces violence in the immediate area by blanketing it with peace. The greater the number of meditators, the more powerful the effect.

The number of Cultural Creatives is exponentially increasing as the science of spirituality explodes into books, movies, art, music and scientific organizations like The HeartMath Institute, The Mind and Life Institute and The Institute of Noetic Sciences (IONS). World Puja Network is spreading the good news in a global internet broadcasting system that taps the wisdom of spiritual visionaries to raise global consciousness.

Nothing on earth can stem this powerful tide of global transformation, if we open our hearts wide enough to receive it and calmly surf the winds and waves of change. The great Hindu teacher, Paramahansa Yogananda, tells us how: 'Quiet the outgoing restlessness and turn the mind within. Harmonize your thoughts and desires with the self-fulfilling realities you already possess in your soul. Then you will see the underlying harmony in your life and in all nature.'

To deepen into this underlying harmony, try this body-mind coherence technique developed by HeartMath (www.heartmath.org). Place both hands over your heart and for 20 seconds sit still and notice how you feel. Still focusing on your heart, spend the next 20 seconds appreciating a person, place or scene in nature. To further heighten your state of awareness, end by sending feelings of care and compassion to loved ones and people across the planet. Emerging from this meditation, notice your sense of peace, expansion and oneness.

This mind-calming meditation neutralizes the rising stress in the earth's magnetic field and connects us with the sea of light that quantum pioneers call the Zero Point Field and religion calls the Holy Spirit. The open, peaceful heart receiving this Light transmits lucidity to the brain, health to the body, love to the spirit and peace to the earth.

We are at a crossroads in our evolution, a pivotal moment in which we can boldly walk forward into a bright new reality. It is up to each of us to co-create a more peaceful, humane and enlightened world. With the proper intention, or guiding ideal, healing prayer will gradually 'spiritualize' this change, as Edgar Cayce put it. But meditative service to self and others will speed things up. For example, if you want love, love yourself, open to divine love and then radiate it outward to others. Find in yourself what you wish to receive and then give it. Peace and prosperity begin within. So will the global shift, as we resonate it into the world.

While change brings challenges, it is also true that the greatest need attracts the greatest light. We will experience tremendous amounts of inflowing light in the days ahead. Easily the best way to stay in this Light is to remain harmonious. The best way to remain harmonious is to stay in the Light.

Wherever you live, immerse your political leaders, capital and nation in radiant white light and see the earth balanced, free and whole. Expect great light in your own life, too, as quiet steals over the earth and leaves your mind and heart to each other's company. Both will unite and be lifted into the Whole.

Here is a profound path to the wisdom and peace of the open heart. Sit in a quiet place and relax your mind and body. When you feel quiet and focused, pick up pen and paper and ask your heart what it is feeling and why. It will tell you, and so will your body, mind and soul. Give each aspect a voice and provide what it needs to feel peaceful and strong.

Communing with the deeper, core self and its Source keeps the heart attuned to what is unchanging and eternal. To a planet in peril, we can give no greater gift than the peace of the open, flowing heart. We have been waiting for this time and it has patiently waited for us.

What is the nature of this change? That is up to you and your open heart.

'The winds of grace are always blowing," said Ramakrishna, "but you have to raise the sail.'

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-02-21T10:31:00.000-05:00

14. Integration

Integration

The conflict is in man. Unless it is resolved there, it cannot be resolved anywhere else. The politics is within you; it is between the two parts of the mind. A very small bridge exists. If that bridge is broken through some accident, through some physiological defect or something else, the person becomes split, the person becomes two persons and the phenomenon of schizophrenia or split personality happens.

If the bridge is broken - and the bridge is very fragile - then you become two, you behave like two persons. In the morning you are very loving, very beautiful; in the evening you are very angry, absolutely different. You don't remember your morning...how can you remember? Another mind was functioning - and the person becomes two persons. If this bridge is strengthened so much that the two minds disappear as two and become one, then integration, then crystallization, arises.

What George Gurdjieff used to call the crystallization of being is nothing but these two minds becoming one, the meeting of the male and the female within, the meeting of yin and yang, the meeting of the left and right, the meeting of logic and illogic, the meeting of Plato and Aristotle.

Osho Ancient Music in the Pines Chapter 1

Commentary:

The image of integration is the unio mystica, the fusion of opposites. This is a time of communication between the previously experienced dualities of life. Rather than night opposing day, dark suppressing light, they work together to create a unified whole, turning endlessly one into the other, each containing in its deepest core the seed of the opposite.

The eagle and the swan are both beings of flight and majesty. The eagle is the embodiment of power and aloneness. The swan is the embodiment of space and purity, gently floating and diving, upon and within the element of the emotions, entirely content and complete within her perfection and beauty.

We are the union of eagle and swan: male and female, fire and water, life and death. The card of integration is the symbol of self-creation, new life, and mystical union; otherwise known as alchemy.

Osho Zen Tarot

Divine Love

2009-02-20T20:38:00.001-05:00

Love...Everyone in the world seeks it. You can have fame, power, billions of dollars, but without it you have nothing. Without love you are impoverished; without love you will die. Love is what gives real meaning and purpose to our lives; it is the reason for our very existence; to receive it and to share it. When we feel love, we feel good. The more you feel the better it gets. But what IS it?

In English we use the same word to describe many feelings, whereas in Spanish, for example, there are at least five. Our experience of love varies between our relationships and our life experience, but most people still haven’t realized what love is or how to grow it.

At one level there is an actual energy behind the experience we call love. There is a biological or physical factor involving hormones, serotonin and dopamine and other chemicals, there are the mental associations and neurological patterned associated with love and there are the emotions associated with both of these, but there is also something underlying it all that is much bigger and more profound. Right now something is making your heart beat. Just like a clock ticking, your heart is running off a current of energy causing life within you. This life force current, and the innate intelligence that flows through it, sustains your existence. It’s the mother’s milk for your soul.

The life force current, or spirit, is the underlying volition that brings forth life. Bringing forth life is an expression of love; life itself is an expression of the Divine love. The Source of that Divine Love is alive and well within you. It is the same volition that directs you to read this. The more we look within ourselves and tap this wellspring of Divine Love, the more we have to share with others. This love displaces those areas of our life where we feel we lack love. Love is always present, if you are not feeling love it is because you are looking outside of yourself to find it.

The more you look within and connect with the Source of life within you (that is you), the more love you will feel. The more Divine Love you feel the more you will have to share with others and the more you share with others the more they will feel, and, in turn, share with yet others. In this way, multitudes of people opening up to receive more Divine Love will create the critical mass to raise the consciousness of humanity. More people feeling more love, and sharing more love (compassion), brings more love into this world. The world could use more love. You could use more love.

When you tap into the Source within you, the “Shaktipat” as we say, you fall in love with the Divine. When that happens you just love for no reason, it gets you high. It’s unimaginable. It’s amazing. I wish that for you. Happy Valentine’s Day.

From the heart,
Steven S. Sadleir
Selfawareness.com

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-02-19T19:49:00.002-05:00

48. The Source

The Source

Zen asks you to come out of the head and go to the basic source.... It is not that Zen is not aware of the uses of energy in the head, but if all the energy is used in the head, you will never become aware of your eternity.... You will never know as an experience what it is to be one with the whole. When the energy is just at the center, pulsating, when it is not moving anywhere, neither in the head nor in the heart, but it is at the very source from where the heart takes it, the head takes it, pulsating at the very source--that is the very meaning of Zazen. Zazen means just sitting at the very source, not moving anywhere, a tremendous force arises, a transformation of energy into light and love, into greater life, into compassion, into creativity. It can take many forms. But first you have to learn how to be at the source. Then the source will decide where your potential is. You can relax at the source, and it will take you to your very potential.

Osho The Zen Manifesto: Freedom from Oneself Chapter 11

Commentary:

When we speak of being "grounded" or "centered" it is this Source we are talking about. When we begin a creative project, it is this Source that we tune in to. This card reminds us that there is a vast reservoir of energy available to us. And that we tap into it not by thinking and planning but by getting grounded, centered, and silent enough to be in contact with the Source. It is within each of us, like a personal, individual sun giving us life and nourishment. Pure energy, pulsating, available, it is ready to give us anything we need to accomplish something, and ready to welcome us back home when we want to rest. So whether you are beginning something new and need inspiration right now, or you've just finished something and want to rest, go to the Source. It's always waiting for you, and you don't even have to step out of your house to find it.

Osho Zen Tarot

Passionate Detachment

2009-02-19T19:46:00.002-05:00

Carlos Castaneda has written a series of remarkable books in which he describes his shamanic apprenticeship with the Yaqui sorcerer Don Juan. Don Juan advises Castaneda that a man of knowledge (an impeccable warrior) chooses a path and follows it with heart, acting as if what he does matters, even though he knows that it does not, and understanding that nothing is more important than anything else.

Passion acts with great enthusiasm, extraordinary intensity, and deep feelings. Detachment lets go of all concern for the results of the action. Upon first consideration, it might seem as if passion and detachment don’t belong together. You might conclude that if you were detached you would not feel strongly about a situation, but would be indifferent, feeling little or nothing. Detachment without passion, a boring dullness of caring about nothing, is a dreadful state of consciousness. No wonder so few have chosen detachment as a serious spiritual practice.

When Don Juan advises “act as if what you do matters,” he is suggesting action with passion. When you act with passion, you feel truly, completely alive. This is because passion exists only in the now moment—you feel passion now or not at all. On the other hand, detachment is about the future. Detachment means you completely surrender and let go of your concern for the future outcome of your action. You are not detached about the action itself. On the contrary, you are filled with passion in the now moment.

Detachment flows naturally from the wisdom of acknowledging Don Juan’s advice that “nothing matters more than anything else.” What you do does not really matter in the sense that ultimately you have no control over anything. Outcomes or results might not be anything like what you intend them to be. All you have is choice about what you will do and how you will be in the now moment. You are able to let go of concern for the results of your actions because you understand that each individual is a tiny part of something infinitely vast and wonderful which you influence but cannot control.

When you understand that you have control over nothing, your response can be despair or detachment. Despair is powerless while detachment is a quality of Soul Freedom. Soul knows you don’t need control. All is as it should be. Your life is unfolding as part of a grand cosmic natural order. You fit into that larger natural order whether you want to or not and whether you are aware of it or not. Your challenge and opportunity is to say yes to what is—all of it, exactly as it is, for better or worse right here, right now.

It is a paradox that making choices can both bring freedom to you and also rob you of it. That you can make choices is the chief characteristic of all freedom, but if you are attached to the outcomes of your action, you lose freedom as soon as you obtain it. You become a slave to your choices, stuck in a self-constructed rut. If you worry about the results of your actions, you are robbed of the natural joy of being fully present in the now moment. However, by making choices, by acting with passion, and by being detached from the results of your actions, you remain completely free. You act boldly without taking yourself too seriously.

In your relationship, passionate detachment means putting the best of yourself into your life together. Allow your creativity to shine forth in your actions, to reveal your love, respect, and desire, but without expectation of your mate’s response. You might plan to be together forever, and do your best to make that happen, but you know that you have no real control over the future—accident, illness, or adversity can separate you. Nevertheless, don’t let that stop you from committing to a lifetime of loving.

More info

2009-02-17T19:39:00.000-05:00

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-02-16T12:34:00.000-05:00

67. Rebirth

Rebirth

In Zen you are coming from nowhere and you are going to nowhere. You are just now, here, neither coming nor going. Everything passes by you; your consciousness reflects it but it does not get identified. When a lion roars in front of a mirror, do you think the mirror roars? Or when the lion is gone and a child comes dancing, the mirror completely forgets about the lion and starts dancing with the child--do you think the mirror dances with the child? The mirror does nothing, it simply reflects. Your consciousness is only a mirror. Neither do you come, nor do you go. Things come and go. You become young, you become old; you are alive, you are dead. All these states are simply reflections in an eternal pool of consciousness.

Osho Osho Live Zen, Volume, 2 Chapter 16

Commentary:

This card depicts the evolution of consciousness as it is described by Friedrich Nietzsche in his book, Thus Spake Zarathustra. He speaks of the three levels of Camel, Lion and Child. The camel is sleepy, dull, self-satisfied. He lives in delusion, thinking he's a mountain peak, but really he is so concerned with others' opinions that he hardly has any energy of his own. Emerging from the camel is the lion. When we realize we've been missing life, we start saying no to the demands of others. We move out of the crowd, alone and proud, roaring our truth. But this is not the end. Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being. Whatever the space you're in right now--sleepy and depressed, or roaring and rebellious--be aware that it will evolve into something new if you allow it. It is a time of growth and change.

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-02-15T09:30:00.000-05:00

58. Going with the flow

Going With The Flow

When I say "become water" I mean become a flow; don't remain stagnant. Move, and move like water. Lao Tzu says: The way of the Tao is a watercourse way. It moves like water. What is the movement of water? or of a river? The movement has a few beautiful things about it. One, it always moves towards the depth, it always searches for the lowest ground. It is non-ambitious; it never hankers to be the first, it wants to be the last. Remember, Jesus says: Those who are the last here will be the first in my kingdom of God. He is talking about the watercourse way of Tao--not mentioning it, but talking about it. Be the last, be non-ambitious. Ambition means going uphill. Water goes down, it searches for the lowest ground, it wants to be a nonentity. It does not want to declare itself unique, exceptional, extraordinary. It has no ego idea.

Osho Take it Easy, Volume 1 Chapter 14

Commentary:

The figure in this card is completely relaxed and at ease in the water, letting it take him where it will. He has mastered the art of being passive and receptive without being dull or sleepy. He is just available to the currents of life, with never a thought of saying "I don't like that," or "I prefer to go the other way." Every moment in life we have a choice whether to enter life's waters and float, or to try to swim upstream. When this card appears in a reading it is an indication that you are able to float now, trusting that life will support you in your relaxation and take you exactly where it wants you to go. Allow this feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more; everything is happening exactly as it should.

Osho Zen Tarot

Prayer of St.Francis by Sarah MacLachlan

2009-02-13T17:55:00.000-05:00

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

Enjoy the simple things in life.

2009-02-13T06:57:00.004-05:00

Be silly.
Don't wait for something wonderful, make it happen.
Laugh, cry, listen and share.
Make plans but don't hesitate to change them if something comes up, adapt.
Feel, sing, dream and believe.
Be yourself and don't listen to other people's judgement but always try to be better.
Have faith.
Treat others like you would want to be treated.
Don't always try to get more; take the time to realise what you already have.
Know your limits and respect them.
Admit your faults not only for others but for you as well.
Grow from your mistakes.
If you fail, try again, you never know.
Don't be afraid of letting go; you might fall but you might learn to fly.
Live the present fully but never forget to build your future.
Nothing happens for no reason, find out why.
Keep your eyes and your heart open so you don't miss something important.
If you say something, mean it.
Never sacrifice something you love for something you like.
Never forget to tell people you love them, you never know when you might loose them.
Be happy.

Si tu rencontres un ange!

2009-02-13T06:52:00.003-05:00

"Chaque jour, autour de nous, des anges d'ici-bas, par leurs gestes quotidiens... font sourire davantage tous ceux qui les entourent.
Les anges d'ici-bas construisent des ponts au lieu de murs. Ils ne jouent pas à cache-cache avec la vérité et ils n'ont pas d'arrières-pensées. Ils sont en général les seuls à comprendre ce que nous supportons. S'ils sentent que vous souffrez, ils font tout leur possible pour vous aider...

Les anges d'ici-bas comprennent les difficultés et vous donnent toujours le bénéfice du doute. Ils ne demandent pas aux autres de se conformer à des principes auxquels ils ne peuvant pas eux-mêmes se plier. Les anges d'ici-bas possèdent exactement ce qu'on entend par "beauté intérieure".
Les anges d'ici-bas n'ont jamais de rancune. La seule chose qu'ils désirent... c'est vous. Ils vous tiennent la main quand vous avez besoin d'être un peu rassuré. Ils marchent à vos côtés quand vous avez besoin d'un peu de conseils et de direction dans votre vie. Ils vous aident quand vous essayez de faire ce qu'il faut.
Les anges d'ici-bas multiplient vos sourires et augmentent votre intégrité. Ils vous font penser que vous comptez vraiment, puis ils vous prouvent discrètement à quel point cela est vrai et agréable."

- Emilia Larson

May your life be blessed with one of those... or may you become one.

Trust

2009-02-12T19:07:00.004-05:00

The speed of trust by Stephen M.R. Covey

Have you ever trusted someone—and gotten “burned?” Have you ever failed to trust someone and missed significant opportunities as a result? The practical issues with regard to extending trust are these: How do you know when to trust somebody? And how can you extend trust to people in ways that create rich rewards without taking inordinate risk?

When you’re dealing with trust, it seems there are two extremes. On one end of the spectrum, people don’t trust enough. They’re suspicious. They hold things close to the vest. Often, the only people they really trust are themselves. On the other end, people are too trusting. They’re totally gullible. They believe anyone, trust everyone. They have a simplistic, naive view of the world, and they don’t even really think (except superficially) about the need to protect their interests.

Extending trust can bring great results. It also creates the possibility of significant risk. The decision to trust or not to trust is always an issue of managing risk and return. So how do you hit the “sweet spot?” How do you extend trust in a way that maximizes the dividends and minimizes the risk?
Life is filled with risk. However, as noted historian and law professor Stephen Carter has observed: “Civility has two parts: generosity when it is costly, and trust, even when there is risk.” The objective, then, is not to avoid risk. In the first place, you can’t; and in the second place, you wouldn’t want to because risk taking is an essential part of life and leadership. Instead, the objective is to manage risk wisely—to extend trust in a way that will avoid the “taxes” and create the greatest “dividends” over time.

Learning how to extend what I call “Smart Trust” is a function of two factors—your propensity to trust and your analysis. “Propensity to trust” is primarily a matter of the heart. It’s the tendency, inclination, or predisposition to believe that people are worthy of trust and a desire to extend it to them freely. “Analysis” is primarily a matter of the mind. It’s the ability to analyze, evaluate, theorize, consider implications and possibilities, and come up with logical decisions and solutions.

As you think about these two factors—“propensity to trust” and “analysis”—how would you rate yourself on each? Do you typically tend to trust people easily—or do you tend to be suspicious and hold things close? Do you tend to analyze, theorize, and ponder over things—or do you give problems your cursory attention and then move on?

While extending trust to other people always brings with it some risk, the often greater risk that’s frequently ignored is what happens when managers don’t extend trust to others. These managers usually incur much larger taxes than they think—including bureaucracy, politics, disengagement, and turnover—and they often lose the dividends that flow from extending trust, such as innovation, collaboration, partnering and loyalty. Sadly, their suspicion sometimes even helps produce the very behaviors they fear, which further validates their suspicion. By treating people as if they can’t be trusted, they help to create a collusive, downward cycle of distrust. And this is one reason why—in this “flat world” global economy—not trusting people is often the greatest risk of all.
With regard to “propensity to trust,” I once knew a business owner who was so suspicious that his employees might be stealing from him, that he would literally interrogate them almost daily. He would even do occasional spot “frisk checks” when they left the office. This man was convinced that people were trying to steal from him. In reality, no one was, but his suspicious actions drove away his most talented people who wouldn’t tolerate working in such a distrustful environment or for such a suspicious boss.

With regard to “analysis,” it’s helpful to consider three vital variables, which you can do by asking these questions:

1. What is the opportunity (the situation or task at hand)?

2. What is the risk involved? (Possible outcomes? Likelihood of outcomes? Importance of outcomes?)

3. What is the credibility (character and competence) of the people involved?

Smart Trust doesn’t mean that you extend trust to everyone. Based on the circumstances, your judgment may be to not extend trust or to extend only a limited measure of trust. In extending trust, the general guideline is to extend trust conditionally to those who are earning it and abundantly to those who have already done so. Keep in mind that even when you extend trust abundantly, there should still always be clear expectations and accountability because those are principles that actually enhance trust.

I affirm that in our “flat world” economy, the ability to establish, grow, extend, and restore trust is the key professional and personal competency of our time. And the ability to exercise Smart Trust is a vital part of that competency. It will enable you to create a powerful balance and synergy between analysis and the propensity to trust, which, in turn, will produce the judgment that enables you to effectively leverage yourself and to inspire the talent, creativity, synergy, and highest contribution of others.

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-02-11T16:36:00.000-05:00

75. Ordinariness

Try Again

Ordinariness

Sometimes it happens that you become one, in some rare moment. Watch the ocean, the tremendous wildness of it--and suddenly you forget your split, your schizophrenia; you relax. Or, moving in the Himalayas, seeing the virgin snow on the Himalayan peaks, suddenly a coolness surrounds you and you need not be false because there is no other human being to be false to. You fall together. Or, listening to beautiful music, you fall together. Whenever, in whatsoever situation, you become one, a peace, a happiness, a bliss, surrounds you, arises in you. You feel fulfilled. There is no need to wait for these moments--these moments can become your natural life. These extraordinary moments can become ordinary moments - that is the whole effort of Zen. You can live an extraordinary life in a very ordinary life: cutting wood, chopping wood, carrying water from the well, you can be tremendously at ease with yourself. Cleaning the floor, cooking food, washing the clothes, you can be perfectly at ease--because the whole question is of you doing your action totally, enjoying, delighting in it.

Osho Dang Dang Doko Dang Chapter 3

Commentary:

This figure walking in nature shows us that beauty can be found in the simple, ordinary things of life. We so easily take this beautiful world we live in for granted. Cleaning the house, tending the garden, cooking a meal--the most mundane tasks take on a sacred quality when they are performed with your total involvement, with love, and for their own sake, without thought of recognition or reward. You are facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations you encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on your part to be brilliant, clever, or otherwise extra-ordinary. Forget all about making headlines by inventing the latest widget, or dazzling your friends and colleagues with your unique star quality. The special gift you have to offer now is presented best by just taking things easily and simply, one step at a time.

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-02-07T19:42:00.000-05:00

15. Conditionning

Conditioning

Unless you drop your personality you will not be able to find your individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality is imposed by the society. Personality is social convenience.

Society cannot tolerate individuality, because individuality will not follow like a sheep. Individuality has the quality of the lion; the lion moves alone. The sheep are always in the crowd, hoping that being in the crowd will feel cozy. Being in the crowd one feels more protected, secure. If somebody attacks, there is every possibility in a crowd to save yourself. But alone? - only the lions move alone.

And every one of you is born a lion, but the society goes on conditioning you, programming your mind as a sheep. It gives you a personality, a cozy personality, nice, very convenient, very obedient. Society wants slaves, not people who are absolutely dedicated to freedom. Society wants slaves because all the vested interests want obedience.

Osho One Seed Makes the Whole Earth Green Chapter 4

Commentary:

This card recalls an old Zen story, about a lion who was brought up by sheep and who thought he was a sheep until an old lion captured him and took him to a pond, where he showed him his own reflection. Many of us are like this lion - the image we have of ourselves comes not from our own direct experience but from the opinions of others. A "personality" imposed from the outside replaces the individuality that could have grown from within. We become just another sheep in the herd, unable to move freely and unconscious of our own true identity.

It's time to take a look at your own reflection in the pond, and make a move to break out of whatever you have been conditioned by others to believe about yourself. Dance, run, jog, do gibberish - whatever is needed to wake up the sleeping lion within.

Osho Zen Tarot

Finding the intuitive you

2009-02-07T19:38:00.002-05:00

By Robin J. Newman

“To touch the stars I must feel the Earth beneath my feet”

Everyone is intuitive doesn’t matter who you are we are all born with a varying degree of intuitiveness. Often we hear of a wife saying how she knew when her husband was in danger and though it was only a feeling it turned out to be true. Mothers have the same sense about their children. There are also moments in everyone’s life when they have a inner knowing not to go in a certain direction and how many of you have heard the phone ring and knew who was on the other end? Having intuitive abilities is like being able to tune into television stations. The majority of people have those Rabbit Ear antennas that look like a big V and sit on top of the televisions set, some though have upgraded to cable so are able to get even more information and then there are people like Psychics and Mediums who have the big satellite dish and are able to get information beyond this world. Whatever your intuitive abilities look like it is possible to increase your ability to tune in.

I am not saying everyone can be a Medium or a Psychic because it doesn’t work that way. Just like everyone is not born to be a Doctor or a Lawyer or a Teacher not everyone’s purpose on that planet is to pass on messages from beyond. But you can increase your ability to hear your own guidance, you can learn how to shut the world of noise out so things become clearer, you can reach a place of spirit where it is possible to feel the presence of the Angels even if you do not hear them at first, you can gain greater insight into a life situation and be able to make more informed decisions about what pathway to chose. All these things are possible. I am not an expert I can only share with you the knowledge I have gathered throughout my own journey, the wisdom of my guides, the Angels and the experiences shared by others on their journey. What you must do is take the knowledge that is given in this workshop, build on it, add your own experiences to it, change and adapt the material to suit who you are and ask others on the same journey what has worked for them. There is no right way or wrong way there are only different ways and that is what makes this world of ours great.

Grounding

There are many ways to ground some as simple as walking in nature or visualizing a connection with Mother Earth or simply reading a book or working out in the garden. I have touched on this subject in our other course ‘Finding the greatness within’ so I won’t list the ways to ground again. But I will mention the symptoms of being ungrounded. People are like electrical wires being charged by the energy in the environment and as any good electrician will tell you if you overload a system with too much energy it will eventually explode. That is why there is a wire specifically used to ground electrical units. And we as humans are no different we need to find a way of grounding ourselves so excess energy can be released.

Symptoms of being ungrounded
• Mind racing with a million thoughts
• Panic attacks
• Indecision
• The need to hurry
• Increased nervousness.
• Extremes in emotions

These are signs our body is starting to overload and we need to take time to ground ourselves. If you do not feel like you can achieve a feeling of being grounded on your own perhaps seeking a mentor to help you may work or going to someone who is a legitimate Reiki healer (Always double check credentials). Sometimes it is a case of giving yourself time to find what works for you having some patience for the process and making a commitment to practice.
That is what the saying “To touch the stars we must feel the Earth beneath our feet” means to be grounded in this world.

No Mind ~ Meditation and the concept of letting go

Here I will share what my guides told me about the process of meditation and letting go of thoughts. I was told to close my eyes and visualize sitting in the middle of a big Oak tree with those massive branches reaching to the heavens and the strong thick roots reaching down into the earth. Then after I could feel myself in the Oak tree these words came to me.

‘To touch the stars you must feel the Earth’
The Owl sits and allows itself to be still
Thoughts are allowed to come and go without attachment
Only when our minds are quiet
Can we see that which is before us
Allow all thoughts to come and go do not hold onto them
As they will become attached to your subconscious ego
Breath in from the stars Release to the Earth
Let go breath feel the thoughts come and go
Allow the quiet to settle around you
It will take time

Eagle Feathers

In the beginning man survived by his senses to hunt to gather to mate to survive
As these roles in man’s life became obsolete so did his reliance on his senses
Close your eyes and you must see with the rest of your body
Hear the world move
Smell the world move
Feel the world move

The blind man sees that which you cannot
You must learn to see with your eyes closed
Sit close your eyes do not imagine the world around you for this is an illusion of mind
See the world around you using the senses that you have neglected

Eagle Feathers

Eagle Feathers makes a very good point about seeing with your eyes closed. You will find most blind people have heightened senses and a greater level of intuitiveness than people who can see. Sitting with your eyes closed and trying to listen to the world with your other senses decreases your reliance on sight (the visual). Some people after sitting for a while doing this actually find themselves unaware of time and where they are some even enter a meditative state. But the real beauty of heightened senses is the world becomes a different place and you no longer rush unaware of that which surrounds you. I personally would start with this exercise of closing your eyes then move on to the traditional Meditation. For a lot of people meditation is defined as a state of not having any thoughts but this is not the case. When I first started meditating I was so worried about not thinking any thoughts that my mind just filled with thoughts about not having thoughts!!!! The trick is to let the thoughts come and go without being attached to them. To think of any thoughts that enter as little white clouds that you watch drift away. Eventually with practice you will find less and less thoughts entering and your mind will wander less…. keep in mind people who get to a stage of pure non attachment in meditation usually practice every day. There are no rules with meditating its whatever works for you if a CD of whales singing makes you at peace then go for it, if nothing but a flickering candle makes the world disappear again go for it, if you have to sit on a chair, sit on a cushion, sit in a group whatever works for you. For me when I am sitting drawing I go into a mini meditative state unaware of everything but what I am doing.

When I talk to my guides I sit with a single white candle no music and a say a prayer then I close my eyes and drift I have friends who use Buddhist chants again what ever works for you.
The goal in meditation is to have no goal or no expectations to let go of any attachments and just be There are no time limits start off small and build up to longer or just do what feel right sometimes closing your eyes in the middle of a stressful day for five minutes can bring you back into balance and peace within Meditation is the way most Psychics, Mediums connect with their Guides Angels or Higher Power. If you find the process to frustrating find a group to meditate with or see if there is anyone who runs guided meditations. There are lots of groups who meet every month to simply meditate for world peace. Keep in mind you may not connect with anybody during your meditations but do not let that put you off. Simply taking a moment to de-stress to find balance to bring calm into your life will make your vision clearer and give you greater insight into your life situations. You will become more in ‘tune’ with your surroundings and the people around you.

No mind state

To be of no mind state is to be completely at one with the universe. This is not the same as when athletes say they are in the “zone”, being in the zone is having total focus on one thing while being of no mind state is having no focus on anything it is the state of just being.
I am not a religious person in the church sense nor am I affiliated with any religious organization but I to get across the point of no mind it is useful to use a bible analogy.
When Jesus stated in the bible the words “I am” he was actually referring to being in a no mind state being one with everything. The Native Americans say the same thing “I am one with the trees I am one with the animals I am one with the rocks etc.”
When you are of no mind state there are no reactions no emotions no fears doubts you just are.
This is what my guides have to say about no mind

Without self there is nothing emptiness
I am
Without self we are one
I am
Without time there is nothing emptiness
I am
Without time we are one
I am
Close your eyes does your mind tell you what you do not see?
Close your eyes do your fears and emotions dictate what you hear?
Close your eyes does your physical body determine the outcome your mind decrees?
I am
I am not here not there
I am
I am not afraid or fearful
I am
I am not walking not talking
I am

Eagle feathers

Submitting to the I don’t know is the releasing of ego the freeing of the soul it is the ultimate freedom. Only from emptiness can your body be filled.

Portious

As a Psychic/Medium when I am with someone and I am tuned in I am of no mind state.
The divine energy comes through me I speak the words I have an awareness but I am not attaching anything to either what is being said or the person I am with.
“I am”
The reason I mention this state of ‘no mind’ is because it is when we are at our most intuitive and I might add peaceful. It is the next rung of the ladder in meditation but it can also be that moment when you are completely in the now just being.
The advantage of being of no mind state is that you can see things with great clarity because there isn’t any B….S getting in the road no emotional attachment to outcomes no judgments no looking for agendas just what is.

Why all these things are important?

Part of tuning in or bringing forth the gift of insight is being able to let go of all the attachments we have.

Image a single Mother working full time trying to raise her children the best she can. Then imagine her thoughts as solid objects floating around her like small balls. There would be school meetings in a little ball, work commitments in another one, maybe issues with a mother or ex-husband in another one, money worries in another one and so on.
Now picture this woman with all those little balls rotating around her like a mini hurricane do you think she is going to be able to see anything with absolute objectivity and clarity? Do you think she will be able to be at one with anything with all those balls floating around her?
Probably not that is why concepts like no mind, non attachment, releasing ego, meditation etc are important when it comes to being able to increasing your intuitiveness.
You are not going to be able hear your inner voice unless you can lessen the noise of the outside world and your ego self. Ego self is that voice saying “How can you sit here meditating when there is so much else to do”
Your intuitive self

There are many articles on how to become more intuitive but most focus on increasing your psychic abilities. But that is not solely what being intuitive means.
Being intuitive is being able to recognize the person who walks into your life and is not the healthiest person to have around.
Being intuitive is being able to step back in arguments and see all sides objectively.
Being intuitive is having an awareness when the people you care about are hurting.
Being intuitive is being able to hear the inner voice over the ego voice.
Being intuitive is being able to hear that Angel voice that say “not a good idea” or “we are with you always”.
Being intuitive is being in tune with not only your own emotions and feelings but those of the people around you.
Being intuitive is being able to make informed choices rather than ones based on emotion and past ‘stuff’.
Ultimately these things are going to be more useful to you than knowing who is on the other end of the telephone when it rings or what card will be turned over next. So what can you do to be more tuned in? Try automatic writing. Light a candle say a prayer ask for guidance ask for all things to come in unconditional love divine light and for your highest good and write what ever comes into your head. At the very least this will allow you to clear your mind of thoughts and you may even start to tune into your inner voice. Meditate. Find what works for you. Try and get into the habit of meditating at a set time and day. But do not be anal about it. Even a walk along the beach or around the neighborhood or a quite moment with a good book and a cup of tea are all forms of bringing your body down into a peaceful state.
Let go and let God as they say. What this means is do not try and change the world in a day. Change what you can change and accept there are just some things you can’t change.
Let go of outcomes let go of expectations. Be at peace with who you are and where you are in your life. Live in the moment do not allow your ego self to take you into a future that hasn’t even been created yet.
Learn about yourself who you are if you know yourself you have no need to worry about what other people think about you or worry about the future because you know what you want and where you want to be and you are happy with all in your world as it is. Happyand grateful.
Fill up your spiritual toolbox.
Go to classes. Join a group. Read up on things which interest you. Find a mentor.
Learn different ways to meditate to tune in try a Reiki class etc.
The thing most people do not realize is everything is meant to be simple. The higher power whoever and what ever you perceive him/her/it to be did not set out to turn tuning in into an exam. That was humans looking to set themselves up as ‘experts’ so they could make a lot of money by saying listen to me ‘I know’.
I know people who talk to Angels and it is simply faith and belief that allows them to do so. They are able to let the outside noise die down and then they listen for the Angel Whisper and they are able to do that simply because they believe it will come.
I hear my guides speak to me when I am with a person because I am able to let go of ego mind and attachment and be of no mind. Did it take a while to get to that stage absolutely but it was not a complicated process but a simple one of perseverance, trust and commitment.

Conclusion

To find your intuitive self you first have to get to know who you are.
You have to find out what you want and where you want to be.
And in this process of finding out who you are you will let go of all attachment to the past to old dreams lost hopes past hurts grudges they will start to fall away and as they do you will start to see with greater clarity you will start to hear a voice an inner voice of spirit that is your heart song.
There are no party tricks when it comes to finding your intuitive self. And all those exercises designed to “bring out the psychic in you” are useless if you cannot be of a no mind state can’t sit in the now, can’t have empathy for others and let your own stuff go.
I am a Medium and a Psychic but I still have to live and breathe in the ‘real’ world still have stuff to deal with and again knowing who is going to walk into the room next doesn’t help me very much in the middle of an argument with my partner, doesn’t make any money problems disappear, doesn’t take away an abusive childhood.
What does help though is being able to step back and shut out the noise and hear the voice of spirit. My guides and the Angels do not give me answers but the help me gain clarity and balance.
If you want to find your intuitive self find out who you are why you react certain ways why things are triggers for you what things work to bring you into a state of peace. Nurture yourself in body mind and spirit. That is what bring forth the gift of insight is.
It is bringing forth the knowledge of inner self and letting go of ego self. it is knowing who we are at the core of our being. Being psychic is great but that is only a small part of who I am and knowing all the parts that make me who I am is for me the true gift of insight.

Never Alone

2009-02-07T10:36:00.004-05:00

By Wayne Dyer
Becoming a spiritual being is synonymous with becoming a miracle worker and knowing the bliss of real magic. The differences between people who are non-spiritual, or "physical only", and those whom I call spiritual beings are dramatic.

I use the terms spiritual and non-spiritual in the sense that a spiritual being has a conscious awareness of both the physical and the invisible dimension, while the non-spiritual being is only aware of the physical domain. Neither category, as I use them, implies atheism or religious orientation in any way. The non-spiritual person is not incorrect or bad because he or she experiences the world only in a physical manner.

Below are 12 beliefs and practices for you to cultivate as you develop your abilities to manifest miracles in your life. Becoming a spiritual being as outlined here is an all-out necessity if real magic is your objective in this lifetime.

1. The non-spiritual being lives exclusively within the five senses, believing that if you cannot see, touch, smell, hear, or taste something, then that something simply doesn't exist. The spiritual being knows that beyond the five physical senses, there are other senses we use to experience the world of form.

As you work toward becoming a spiritual being as well as a physical being, you begin to live more and more consciously within the invisible realm. You begin to know that there are senses beyond this physical world. Even though you cannot perceive it through one of the five senses, you know that you are a soul with a body, and that your soul is beyond limits and defies birth and death. It is not governed by any of the rules and regulations that govern the physical universe. To be a spiritual being means that you allow yourself the option of being multi-sensory. Hence a whole new world opens up. As Gary Zukav writes in "The experiences of the multi-sensory human are less limited than the experiences of the five-sensory human. They provide more opportunities for growth and development and more opportunities to avoid unnecessary difficulties." (The Seat of the Soul, Gary Zukav)

2. The non-spiritual being believes we are alone in the universe. The spiritual being knows he or she is never alone.

A spiritual being is comfortable with the idea of having teachers, observers, and divine guidance available at any time. If we believe we are souls with bodies rather than bodies with souls, then the invisible, eternal part of ourselves is always available to us for assistance. Once this belief is firm and unshakable it can never be doubted, regardless of the rational arguments of those who live exclusively in the physical world. For some this is called intense prayer, for others it is universal, omnipresent intelligence or force, and for others it is spiritual guidance. It matters not what you call this higher self or how you spell it, since it is beyond definitions, labels, and language itself.

For the non-spiritual being this is all hogwash. We show up on Earth, we have one life to live and no one has any ghosts around or within to help out. This is a physical-only universe to the non-spiritual being and the goal is to manipulate and control the physical world. The spiritual being sees the physical world as an arena for growth and learning with the specific purpose of serving and evolving into higher levels of love.

Non-spiritual beings accept the existence of a supreme being or God, not as a universal force that is within us but as a separate power that will someday hold us accountable. They do not see themselves as having assistance or a higher self, unless they have the kind of direct experience of divine presence recorded by St. Paul or St. Francis of Assisi.

Spiritual beings simply know, through their personal experience of having been in contact with their own divine guidance, that they are not alone, and that they can use that guidance to become miracle makers in their lives.

3. The non-spiritual being is focused on external power. The spiritual being is focused on personal empowerment.

External power is located in the dominance of and control over the physical world. This is the power of war and military might, the power of laws and organization, the power of business and stock market games. This is the power of controlling all that is external to the self. The non-spiritual being is focused on this external power.

By contrast, the spiritual being is focused on empowering himself and others to higher and higher levels of consciousness and achievement. The use of force over another is not a possibility for the spiritual being. He or she is not interested in collecting power, but rather in helping others to live in harmony and to experience real magic. This is a power of love that does not judge others. There is no hostility or anger in this kind of power. It is true empowerment to know that one can live in the world with others who have differing points of view and have no need to control or vanquish them as victims. A spiritual being knows the enormous power that comes with the ability to manipulate the physical world with one's mind. A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe. The entire philosophy of aikido and the Oriental martial arts is based not on external power over the opponent, but on becoming at one with that external energy to remove the threat. Empowerment is the inner joy of knowing that external force is not necessary to be at harmony with oneself.

To the non-spiritual being, no other way is known. One must constantly be ready for war. Even though the spiritual masters to whom they often pledge allegiance speak against such use of power, the non-spiritual being simply cannot see other alternatives

4. The non-spiritual being feels separated and distinct from all others, a being unto himself. The spiritual being knows that he is connected to all others and lives his life as if each person he meets shares being human with him.

When a person feels separate from all others he becomes more self-centered and much less concerned about the problems of others. He may feel some sympathy for people starving in another part of the world, but that person's daily approach is, "It's not my problem." The splintered personality, the non-spiritual being, is focused more on his own problems, and often feels that other human beings are either in his way or trying to get what he wants and so he must "do in" the other guy, before he gets done in himself.

The spiritual being knows that we are all connected, and he is able to see the fullness of God in each person with whom he makes contact. This sense of connection eliminates much of the inner conflict that the non-spiritual being experiences as he constantly judges others, categorizes them according to physical appearances and behaviors, and then proceeds to find ways to either ignore or take advantage of them for his own benefit.

Being connected means that the need for conflict and confrontation is eliminated. Knowing that the same invisible force that flows through himself flows through all others allows the spiritual being to truly live the golden rule. The spiritual being thinks, "How I am treating others is essentially how I am treating myself, and vice versa." The meaning of "love thy neighbor as thyself" is clear to the spiritual being, while it is considered nonsense by the non-spiritual being. Negative judgment is not possible when one feels connected to all others. The spiritual being knows that he cannot define another by his judgments, that he only defines himself as a judgmental person.

Research at the subatomic quantum level reveals an invisible connection between all particles and all members of a given species. This oneness is being demonstrated in remarkable scientific discoveries. The findings show that physical distance, what we think of as empty space, does no preclude a connection by invisible forces. Obviously there exist invisible connections between our thoughts and our actions. We do not deny this, even though the connection is impervious to our senses.

The non-spiritual being cannot make such a leap, but the spiritual being knows that this invisible force connects him to all others, and therefore treats all others as if they were a part of himself. It is all a question of knowing. The non-spiritual being acts as if he were an island, separate and distinct from others, unconnected. Plainly stated, miracles and real magic are simply unavailable to those who believe themselves to be islands in the sea of humanity.

5. The non-spiritual being believes exclusively in a cause/effect interpretation of life. The spiritual being knows that there is a higher power working in the universe beyond mere cause and effect.

The non-spiritual being lives exclusively in the physical world, where cause and effect rule. If one plants a seed (cause), he will see the result (effect). If one is hungry, he will seek food. If one is angry, he will vent that anger. This is indeed a rational and logical way to think and behave, since the third law of motion for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction is always operating in the physical universe.

The spiritual being goes beyond Newton's physics and lives in an entirely different realm. The spiritual being knows that thoughts come out of nothingness, and that in our dream state (one-third of our entire physical lives), where we are in pure thought, cause and effect play no role whatsoever.

6. The non-spiritual being is motivated by achievement, performance and acquisitions. The spiritual being is motivated by ethics, serenity and quality of life.

For the non-spiritual person, the focus is on learning for the purpose of high grades, getting ahead, and acquiring possessions. The purpose of athletics is competition. Success is measured in external labels such as position, rank, bank accounts, and awards. These are all very much a part of our culture, and certainly not objects to be scorned, they simply are not the focus of the spiritual being's life.

For the spiritual being, success is achieved by aligning oneself with one's purpose, which is not measured by performance or acquisitions. The spiritual being knows that these external things flow into one's life in sufficient amounts and that they arrive as a result of living purposefully. The spiritual being knows that living purposefully involves serving in a loving fashion. Mother Teresa, who spent many years of her life caring for the most downtrodden among us in the slums of Calcutta, defined purpose this way in "For the Love of God:"

"The fruit of love is service, which is compassion in action. Religion has nothing to do with compassion. It is our love for God that is the main thing, because we have all been created for the sole purpose to love and be loved."

It is in ways such as this that the spiritual being's inner and outer reality is experienced. It is not necessary to become a saint ministering to the impoverished to become a spiritual being. One simply must know that there is much more to life than achievement, performance and acquisitions, and that the measure of a life is not in what is accumulated, but rather in what is given to others. Living ethically, morally and serenely while being aligned with a spiritual purpose is at the core of his being. Real magic cannot be experienced when your focus is on getting more for yourself, particularly if it is at the expense of others. When you experience a sense of serenity and quality about your life, knowing your mind is what creates such a state, you will also know that from such a state of mind flows miracle-making magic.

7. The non-spiritual being has no place within his awareness for the practice of meditation. The spiritual being cannot imagine life without it.

For the non-spiritual being, the idea of looking quietly within oneself and sitting alone for any period of time repeating a mantra, emptying one's mind, and seeking answers by aligning oneself with one's Higher Self borders on lunacy. For this person, answers are sought by working hard, struggling, persevering, setting goals, reaching those goals and setting new ones and competing in a dog-eat-dog world.

The spiritual being knows about the enormous power of the practice of meditation. He knows meditation makes him more alert and able to think more clearly. He knows the very special effect meditation has in relieving stress and tension.

Spiritual people know, by virtue of having been there and experienced it firsthand, that one can get divine guidance by becoming peaceful and quiet, and asking for answers. They know they are multidimensional and that the invisible mind can be tapped at higher and higher levels through meditation, or whatever you want to call the practice of being alone and emptying your mind of the frenetic thoughts that occupy so much of daily life. They know that in deep meditation one can leave the body and enter a sphere of magic that is as blissful a state as any drug could temporarily provide.

For the non-spiritual being this is perceived as an escape from reality, but for the spiritual being it is an introduction to a whole new reality, a reality that includes an opening in life that will lead to miracle making.

8. For the non-spiritual being, the concept of intuition can be reduced to a hunch or a haphazard thought that accidentally pops into one's head on occasion. For the spiritual being, intuition is far more than a hunch. It is viewed as guidance or as God talking, and this inner insight is never taken lightly or ignored.

You know from your own experience that when you ignore your intuitive proddings, you end up regretting it or having to "learn the hard way". To the non-spiritual person, intuition is completely unpredictable and occurs in random happenstance. It is often ignored or shunned in favor of behaving in habitual ways. The spiritual being strives to increase consciousness concerning his intuition. He pays attention to invisible messages and knows deep within that there is something working that is much more than a coincidence.

Spiritual beings have an awareness of the nonphysical world and are not stuck exclusively in a universe restricted to the functioning of their five senses. Hence all thoughts, invisible though they may be, are something to pay attention to. But intuition is much more than a thought about something, it is almost as if one is receiving a gentle prod to behave in a certain way or to avoid something that might be dangerous or unhealthy. Although inexplicable, our intuition is truly a factor of our lives.

For the non-spiritual person, this seems to be merely a hunch and nothing to study or become more attuned to. The non-spiritual person thinks, "It will pass. It is just my mind at work in its disorderly way " For the spiritual person, these inner intuitive expressions are almost like having a dialogue with God.

A Personal Perspective

I view my intuition about everything and anything as God talking to me. I pay attention when I "feel something" strongly and I always go with that inner inclination. At one time in my life I ignored it, but now I know better and these intuitive feelings always, and I mean always, guide me in a direction of growth and purposefulness. Sometimes my intuition tells me where to go to write, and I follow, and the writing is always smooth and flowing. When I have ignored this intuition, I have struggled tremendously and blamed "writer's block."

I have come to not only trust that guidance in my writing, but to rely on it in virtually all areas of my life. I have developed a private relationship with my intuition from what to eat and what to write about, to how to relate to my wife and other family members. I meditate on it, trust it, study it, and seek to become more aware of it. When I do ignore it, I pay a price, and then remind myself of the lesson to trust that inner voice the next time.

I figure if I can talk to God and call it prayer, believing in such a universal divine presence, then there is nothing loony about having God talk to me. All the spiritual people I've read about share a similar feeling. Intuition is loving guidance and they know enough not to ignore it.

9. The non-spiritual being is involved in a lot of fighting, he is aligned with the tools of power in a war against that which he believes to be evil. This person knows what he hates, and experiences a great deal of inner turmoil over perceived wrongs. Much of his energy, both mental and physical, is devoted to what he perceives to be bad or evil.

Spiritual beings do not order their lives to be against anything. They are not against starvation, they are for feeding people and seeing that everyone in the world is nutritionally satisfied. They work on what they are for, rather than fighting what they are against. Fighting starvation only weakens the fighter and makes him angry and frustrated, while working for a well-fed populace is empowering. Spiritual beings are not against war, they are for peace and spend their energy on working for peace. They do not join a war on drugs or poverty, because wars need warriors and fighters, and this will not make the problems go away. Spiritual beings are for a well-educated youth, who can be euphoric, giddy and high without the need for external substances. They work toward this end, helping young people to know the power of their own minds and bodies. They fight nothing.

When you fight evil by employing the methods of hatred and violence, you are part of the hatred and violence of evil itself. despite the rightness of your position in your own mind. If all the people in the world who are against terrorism and war were to shift their perspective to supporting and working for peace, terrorism and war would be eliminated.

Somehow our priorities are turned inside out. Spiritual beings do not get tied up with hatred. They are focused thoughtfully on what they are for and they translate that into action. Spiritual beings keep their thoughts on love and harmony, in the face of things they would love to see changed. All that you fight weakens you. All that you are for empowers you. In order to manifest miracles, you must be totally focused on what you are for. Real magic occurs in your life when you have eliminated the hatred that is in your life, even the hatred that you have against hatred.

10. The non-spiritual person feels no sense of responsibility to the universe, therefore he has not developed a reverence for life. The spiritual being has a reverence for life that goes to the essence of all beings.

The non-spiritual being believes, as Gary Zukav has said, "that we are conscious and that the universe is not." He thinks that his existence will end with this lifetime and that he is not responsible to the universe. The non-spiritual being has become arrogant.

The spiritual being behaves as if the God in all life matters, and he feels a sense of responsibility to the universe. He is in awe of this life and that he has a mind with which to process the physical universe. That awe leads him to look outward at all life and the environment with a sense of appreciation and reverence, to engage with life itself at a deeper level than merely the material world.

To the spiritual being the cycles of life are approached as representatives of infinity, with reverence that is truly an honoring of life. It is a gentle and kind approach toward all that is in our world, a recognition that the earth itself and the universe beyond has a consciousness and that our life is connected in some unseen way to all life now and in the past. The invisible intelligence that suffuses all form is a part of ourselves, thus a reverence for all life is knowing that there is a soul in everything. That soul is worthy of being honored.

The spiritual person is conscious of the need not to take more from the earth than is needed, and to give back to the universe in some fashion for those who will habitate the planet after himself. Miracle-making capability comes out of a strong reverence for all life, including your own, and therefore in order to know real magic you must learn to think and act in ways consistent with being a reverent spiritual being.

11. The non-spiritual being is laden with grudges, hostility, and the need for revenge. The spiritual being has no room in his heart for these impediments to miracle making and real magic.

The spiritual being knows that all spiritual masters have talked about the importance of forgiveness. Here are few examples from our mayor religious teachings:

Judaism: The most beautiful thing a man can do is to forgive wrong.

Christianity: Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?" "As many as seven times." Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven."

Islam: Forgive thy servant seventy times a day.

Sikhism: Where there is forgiveness there is God himself.

Taoism: Recompense injury with kindness.

Buddhism: Never is hate diminished by hatred. It is only diminished by love. This is an eternal law.

For the spiritual being it is crucial to be able to "walk the talk." One cannot profess to be a practicing member of a given faith, and then behave in ways inconsistent with the teachings. Forgiveness is an act of the heart.

12. The non-spiritual being believes that there are real world limitations and that although there may be some evidence for the existence of miracles, they are viewed as random happenings for a few fortunate others. The spiritual being believes in miracles and his own unique ability to receive loving guidance and to experience a world of real magic.

The spiritual being knows that miracles are very real. He believes the forces that have created miracles for others are still present in the universe and can be tapped into. The non-spiritual being sees miracles in a totally different light. He believes them to be accidents, and therefore has no faith in his own ability to participate in the miracle-making process.

Conclusion

The spiritual dozen require very little of you. They are not difficult to understand nor do they require any long training or indoctrination on your part. They can be accomplished in this very instant in which you are reading. Becoming a spiritual being takes place within that invisible self I have been writing about. Regardless of how you have chosen to be up until now, working toward becoming a spiritual being can be your choice today. You do not have to adopt any specific religious tenets or undergo a religious transformation you simply have to decide that this is the way you would like to live out the remainder of your life. With this kind of inner commitment you are on your way.

It is important to recognize that real magic is unavailable to those who choose the non-spiritual life. Being able to make miracles happen is fundamentally a result of how you choose to align yourself, how you choose to use your mind, and how much faith you have in being able to use it to affect your physical world.

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-02-07T07:21:00.001-05:00

38. Adventure

Adventure

Zen says truth has nothing to do with authority, truth has nothing to do with tradition, truth has nothing to do with the past - truth is a radical, personal realization. You have to come to it.

Knowledge is certain; the search for personal knowing is very, very hazardous. Nobody can guarantee it. If you ask me if I can guarantee anything, I say I cannot guarantee you anything. I can only guarantee danger, that much is certain. I can only guarantee you a long adventure with every possibility of going astray and never reaching the goal. But one thing is certain: the very search will help you to grow.

I can guarantee only growth. Danger will be there, sacrifice will be there; you will be moving every day into the unknown, into the uncharted, and there will be no map to follow, no guide to follow. Yes, there are millions of dangers and you can go astray and you can get lost, but that is the only way one grows.

Insecurity is the only way to grow, to face danger is the only way to grow, to accept the challenge of the unknown is the only way to grow.

Osho Dang Dang Doko Dang Chapter 7

Commentary:

When we are truly in a spirit of adventure, we are moving just like this child. Full of trust, out of the darkness of the forest into the rainbow of the light, we go step by step, drawn by our sense of wonder into the unknown.

Adventure really has nothing to do with plans and maps and programs and organization. The Page of Rainbows represents a quality that can come to us anywhere - at home or in the office, in the wilderness or in the city, in a creative project or in our relationships with others. Whenever we move into the new and unknown with the trusting spirit of a child, innocent and open and vulnerable, even the smallest things of life can become the greatest adventures.

Osho Zen Tarot

How to be truly happy

2009-02-03T16:54:00.002-05:00

You have everything you need to be happy already. Just decide to be happy, that is, be happy, and then everything you need to be happy will flow to you. That's how creative living works. To have and live what you want, BE what you want, and what you want will come to you, pressed down and over-flowing. Maybe you had better read that again.

Happiness is a most powerful state in which to create your experience. Happiness brings you into the here and now, into the present moment, which in fact, is the only 'time' there is anyway. Most people live in the past or the future, but relatively few immerse in the present moment, savouring and experiencing the feelings of being in the existential 'now'. When you are happy, you will find you have everything you need to be happy – because you are being happy!

If you are already happy, you are already embracing abundance, love and joy in your life. As abundance flows to you, you allow and enjoy it but you find your needs are minimal and the abundance becomes luxury, ie, in excess of your needs. If you are already happy (simply surrendered to the joy of being happy), you are fully present to who and what you are now. External things fade into insignificance; you don't rely on them for your happiness; nor are you attached to the outcomes of your efforts or subject to the obsessive desire for anything. You are the source of your happiness, not other people, external things or outcomes.

Life works according to laws, as does the entire universe; this is obvious, or utter chaos would reign and life would destroy itself. The true sequence of how creative living works is this: BE > FEEL > THINK > RELATE/DO > HAVE.

Most people work from back to front, that is, they think that when they HAVE heaps of money or time, they will be able to DO wonderful things that they THINK will make them FEEL great. And often that is where they complete their circuit, without ever taking into consideration who or what they need to BE before any of this can happen for them, and consequently, they are never satisfied.

But when we experience life's causal sequence in the right order, starting with who you BE first, everything else flows. So in our example, and from your state of happiness, you create feelings of happiness and benevolence, which produce happy thoughts that inspire you to relate graciously with others. Then you do all you do in an attitude of joy and all the good things you desire to have in your life, ebb and flow in your experience, from the infinite abundance that is the universe. Now do you see how life works?
BE > FEEL > THINK > RELATE/DO > HAVE.

Happiness is a way of being because it is a state of mind; and all states of mind produce themselves into physical experience. How can you be happy, you may ask, before you have what you want, like more love, or free time, or financial abundance?

Act as if you already have whatever it takes to make you happy. Be sincere in embracing happiness; "I am joyful and happy in this present moment"; then as your mind, body and spirit resonate in unison, the creative process gains momentum and flows: happiness actually becomes your reality.

Consolidate your new state of awareness, of happiness, by sharing happiness with someone else. This ensures you actually have it to give away! You cannot give away what you do not have. So give happiness away; not to create happiness for yourself, but simply out of pure unconditional love. That just happens to be a great way to create it for yourself as well!

As you share happiness, and flow it on to others, watch it flow to you ever more deeply. Apply this principle to joy, love, money, understanding, service, spare time, to anything! Try it for yourself – now you know the law, put it to work in your life. You are the creator of your life. Live life from your BEing and the rest will flow and flow and flow.

By Marie C. Barrett

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-02-03T16:48:00.000-05:00

25. Intensity

Intensity

Zen says: Think of all the great words and great teachings as your deadly enemy. Avoid them, because you have to find your own source. You have not to be a follower, an imitator. You have to be an original individual; you have to find your innermost core on your own, with no guide, no guiding scriptures. It is a dark night, but with the intense fire of inquiry you are bound to come to the sunrise.

Everybody who has burned with intense inquiry has found the sunrise. Others only believe. Those who believe are not religious, they are simply avoiding the great adventure of religion by believing.

Osho Zen: Turning In Chapter 10

Commentary:

The figure in this card has taken on the shape of an arrow, moving with the single-pointed focus of one who knows precisely where he is going. He is moving so fast that he has become almost pure energy. But his intensity should not be mistaken for the manic energy that makes people drive their cars at top speed to get from point A to point B. That kind of intensity belongs to the horizontal world of space and time. The intensity represented by the Knight of Fire belongs to the vertical world of the present moment - a recognition that now is the only moment there is, and here is the only space.

When you act with the intensity of the Knight of Fire it is likely to create ripples in the waters around you. Some will feel uplifted and refreshed by your presence, others may feel threatened or annoyed. But the opinions of others matter little; nothing can hold you back right now.

Osho Zen Tarot

Love is a choice!

2009-02-02T15:41:00.003-05:00

Like most people, I have often heard the all-too-common refrains, "you can't help who you love", "it just happened", or "one thing led to another". Most often, I hear this from women who are attempting to justify their ill-advised involvement in some situation that has come back to bite them in the behind.

Ladies, I'm about to set you free!! None of these assessments is accurate. The truth is - you absolutely, unequivocally "help" who you love; it did not just happen; and one thing did not lead to another. You either made it happen or you allowed it to happen. Now, you're free because either way, the situation is in your control. For purposes of this entry, however, I will focus on the 'who you love' issue as it concerns unhealthy romantic love.

Contrary to popular opinion, love is not accidental, incidental, or happenstance. It isn't random, arbitrary, or evolutionary. It happens by the sheer force of two independent wills focused in the same direction. It happens because the two people involved wanted it to happen, and have usually expended considerable effort to make sure that it did happen. Love is not a hole in the sidewalk waiting for you to blindly fall into it. Love is the by product of mental and physical time and effort deliberately put forth to create and continue feelings of infatuation and romance.

We've all seen the situations where people have gotten involved in emotional and/or physical intimacies with someone they were "just friends" with. The usual protests go something like "I don't know how it happened", "I never intended for it to happen", or "I couldn't help myself". The facts are that these relationships never just happen. They occur after days, weeks, and months of finding big and small ways to perpetuate the ectasy of illicit attraction.

That fact alone begs the question, is it really love you've created? You might think it is. Your partner may even agree. The truth is you've created a fantasy that can only survive in the bubble of the manipulated realities you've invented. That's why the magic dies under the stresses and strains of real life. No longer able to shield your "love" from the side effects and consequences of real life, you usually soon find that your "love" fades.

In short, true love is a series of choices that you get emotional about. It is not merely an emotion or a feeling that you just helplessly fall into like a hole in the sidewalk. True love is deliberate. It lasts, not because of how you feel about eachother - but because of your dedication to your commitment to eachother.

More info

Osho Zen Tarot

2009-02-01T16:45:00.000-05:00

45. Traveling

Traveling

Life is a continuity always and always. There is no final destination it is going towards. Just the pilgrimage, just the journey in itself is life, not reaching to some point, no goal--just dancing and being in pilgrimage, moving joyously, without bothering about any destination. What will you do by getting to a destination? Nobody has asked this, because everybody is trying to have some destination in life. But the implications... If you really reach the destination of life, then what? Then you will look very embarrassed. Nowhere to go...you have reached to the final destination--and in the journey you have lost everything. You had to lose everything. So standing naked at the final destination, you will look all around like an idiot: what was the point? You were hurrying so hard, and you were worrying so hard, and this is the outcome.

Osho Rinzai: Master of the Irrational Chapter 7

Commentary:

The tiny figure moving on the path through this beautiful landscape is not concerned about the goal. He or she knows that the journey is the goal, the pilgrimage itself is the sacred place. Each step on the path is important in itself. When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another. But whatever the case, this card promises that the going will be easy and will bring a sense of adventure and growth; there is no need to struggle or plan too much. The Traveling card also reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.

Osho Zen Tarot

Les Coïncidences Numériques

2009-01-30T12:10:00.003-05:00

(Inspiré par Doreen Virtue traduit)

Voir les chiffres se répéter ici et là … Des numéros de Téléphone, des plaques d’immatriculation, l’heure sur une horloge numérique, les montants des factures. Nous sommes entourés de chiffres. Avec un peu d’attention, vous pourrez remarquer que se sont autant d’opportunités de recevoir des messages de l’Univers.

Voici une interprétation de ces coïncidences, Elle a été inspirée à Doreen Virtue par les Anges avec qui elle travaille (de même que les Fées). Doreen Virtue est une psychothérapeute américaine qui a écrit “Angel Therapy”, “Divine Guidance” et “Healing with the Angels”. Elle a un website qui s’intitule angeltherapy.com.

Par exemple, vous pouvez vous rendre compte que la voiture qui vous précède, ou encore celle qui vous dépasse, a une plaque immatriculée 7771BJ59 (elle peut être immatriculée dans un autre pays). Vous pouvez vous demander si il n’y a pas un message là-dessous. Peut-être pouvez-vous vous rassurer d’être sur la bonne route si tel est votre problème majeur du moment où que vous avez pris la bonne décision.
Si vous devez appeler un poste dont l’extension est 6669 est que vous êtes dans la tourmente de savoir si vous devez vendre ou non votre …? Vélo ! Cette coïncidence numérique peut vous conforter dans l’idée que ce sera pour un mieux et que vous devez laisser aller votre bon vieux vélo tant aimé (même si c’est votre chère Tante Irma qui vous l’a offert !)

Vous pourrez différencier les maîtres nombres des simples doublets, un triple ou quadruple est plus fort qu’un double. Au plus le nombre de chiffres identiques est grand, au plus la vibration du message est forte. Autant dire que si vous avez la chance de voir 55 555 sur le compteur kilométrique de votre voiture, attachez votre ceinture car le Grand Changement est dans l’air.

2009-01-30T12:00:00.003-05:00

Angel of Problem Solved

Full Meaning:

From time to time we all experience things in our lives, problems and challenges that we wish would just go away! It may appear that no matter what you do, the situation will only get worse before there is any hope of it getting any better. This angel has come to you today to bring you most welcome news! The problem or challenge you have feared/fretted over has already been solved for you. It may seem to you that the problem is well and firmly still in place, but this is because you are not seeing the bigger picture. This Angel does see the bigger picture and has the solution already in place, the problem is dissolving even as you are reading these words.

It can take a leap of faith to trust in what this Angel is saying to you right now. To support you in this process of trusting and believing, this Angel asks you to stop for a moment right now. Take a deep breath and release it slowly. Lean back in your chair and feel her arms supporting the weight of your body. Feel her hands moving over your brow, soothing and relaxing your mind. Continue to breathe deeply until you feel calm and at peace within yourself. Now, only as you feel calm and at peace, think of your problem and say "Peace be with you", opening your heart and allowing the love within to flow to it. As you do this, you notice that suddenly you feel ever so much better! As you continue to relax and say to yourself the words "peace be with you" you feel the energy round your problem is dissolving and flowing away from you. Stay with this feeling for as long as you can, asking this Angel to support you in really feeling and believing it. There! Problem solved!

What this Angel has just helped you to understand is that everything is vibration. When your vibration is flowing on a high, positive level, you are able to attract more positive things, people and events into your life. When your energy has been flowing downward or you have been worrying about a potential situation or event happening, that too brings your level of vibration down and you have become a "match" to what ever you are fearing or concerned about. If you really listen to this Angel within yourself, you will hear her saying over and over again that all problems/challenges/lessons come with a safety net and a Divine solution. What allows the Divine solution to manifest is being willing to open your heart and mind to the truth that such a thing exists and is waiting for you to allow it to manifest for you.

You may feel that you have made mistakes or done things in your life that you need to be "punished" for. Because of this you may feel that you don't deserve a Divine solution for this problem. This Angel seeks to help you understand that being a soul in physical expression, you do not always see the larger picture and thus you and others sometimes make mistakes due to fear or lack of vision. Punishing you or others for mistakes you and they have made does not heal the fear. It does not allow for expanded vision that will help you and them to make better choices in the present and future. What does create healing and help you to get on the "right track" is forgiveness. Forgive yourself, know that you have done the best you knew how at the time the action was taken and let it go. This Angel suggests that for the next several days you work with the following affirmation: I love and forgive myself. I love and forgive others. It is healed.

The more willing you are to accept the Divine solution the faster it can manifest for you in your life. Feel this Angel working within you, opening your heart and mind to allowing and accepting it! Think of how good it feels to already be past this problem/challenge! Allow this feeling to grow powerfully within you. Feed it with the same loving attention you would give to anything important to you in your life. This alone will help you to heal and move past what ever it is you may be facing.

This Angel also wants you to know that there is no problem or challenge too great for Spirit/God/Goddess to handle for you and indeed, it already has been! Nothing is more powerful than Spirit! Nothing is more powerful than Love! This Angel knows that in seeking to allow this problem to be healed, you are also in the process of healing feelings of separation from the Source of all. As you allow this knowledge to grow within you, you shall find that everything in your life becomes much more enjoyable and fun. Problems large and small simply don't find their way to you as easily as before. In fact, you are likely to have a run of many days without noticing them at all. When you know deep within that there is a solution to everything, a solution that is based on love and compassion, then there is no room for that which we see as "problems". Something can't be a problem once there is a solution to it.

The most important thing you can do for yourself this day is to affirm that you are loving and lovable, that you deserve Divine solutions and that such a solution is manifesting for you right this minute. There is nothing more you need do other than to follow your own inner guidance, ask for this Angel's help in allowing yourself to accept the solution and focus your mind and energy on something that feels better to you. The better you feel the higher your vibration. The higher your vibration, the more positive life experience you shall have!

What to watch for with this Angel's presence:

You suddenly feel weary of worrying about problems in your life and feel a deep resolve to just let them go for the moment and focus on something more enjoyable. This is one of the primary ways this Angel seeks to work with you for she knows that if she can get you to release and let go, even for a short time, the easier it will be for you to allow the Divine solution to present itself.

You may start to think of miraculous, albeit farfetched ways that a problem could be resolved. This angel also understands that all of us are taught to try and think of solutions to problems rather than knowing it is always better to turn them over to her and Spirit, getting ourselves out of the way so a solution can be made manifest. Yet sometimes we just can't help but try to think up solutions on our own. That is when this Angel will try to step in and inspire you to think of the most incredible ways that a problem could be resolved. As these solutions are often fun or even funny to think about, this too can help to lift your vibration and thus allow the Divine solution to present itself.

You suddenly feel a sense of peace and harmony descending upon you or a sense of being in a state of grace. Mountains suddenly begin to look like molehills and you begin to wonder what you were worrying for to begin with.

Divine solutions always feel good to you. They feel uplifting and miraculous, loving and warm. This Angel will always let you know when a solution is truly Divine by how you feel about it. Moving into a feeling state of being able to embrace these feelings will also help to allow you to accept the Divine solution.

Other ways of working with this Angel:

Write your problem down on paper. If you really cannot bear to use a lot of details, that is okay. Just put down the gist of it and then ask this Angel to please manifest for you the Divine solution and to support you in allowing it to manifest. Because allowing the Divine solution to manifest usually does involve forgiving yourself or another, it can be very helpful to sprinkle some rose water or essential oil on the paper, fold it up and then place it beneath a rose or pink coloured candle. (Make sure that the candle is safely ensconced in a proper candle holder and cannot catch the paper on fire.) You may then allow the candle to burn down over the course of a single day or leave it lit only at specific times. There is no right or wrong way to do this, only what works for you. Leave the candle and paper in place for as long as you feel it appropriate and then burn the paper in a safe container (a Pyrex bowl works well for this). Scatter the ashes to the four winds knowing that this Angel is gathering them up in her loving hands and carrying the energy to Spirit where it is immediately healed.

Angel Of The Day!

2009-01-29T19:55:00.001-05:00

Angel of Talents

Full Meaning:

What talents do you have within you that have been ignored and hidden away? This Angel has come to ask you to let them shine forth!

Every human being on the planet has special talents and gifts that they came into this earthly life to express. It may be a talent for writing or music. It could be a talent for raising children or teaching. It may be that your own special talent is baking the best Lemon Pound cake ever! No matter what your talents and gifts are, there is a need for them to be expressed in the world in what ever way you feel guided to share them.

No talent, no matter how seemingly small or "unimportant", is always wanting to be expressed and shared through you. Think of the joy that comes when you yourself are able to partake of someone else's special talents. Perhaps there is an author whose books move your heart and soul into a state of bliss and joy. Mrs. Field's cookies have brought joy to millions of people (as well as providing much needed employment and the circulation of money). Certainly any talent that gives you or another joy, even if it is just for a moment, is worth expressing and sharing!

You may feel that what you have to share is not as big or important as what someone else might be able to offer. This Angel wants you to know that your own talents and gifts are as important as any other. She understands that they might not seem so important to you, after all, you live with them day after day and may well take them for granted. Yet she wants you to understand that you have these talents for a reason. They are gifts that only you can offer in your own unique way. There is no one else in the world that can express your talents in precisely the same way that you can. Other people may be doing similar things, but it is YOUR unique vibration that sets your own talents apart from all others. There may be thousands of mystery writers for example and yet each of them brings their own personal style and sense of perspective to the books that they write. This Angel seeks to remind you that you too have a way of expressing your own talents that other people want to enjoy. Even if they are not yet aware that you have those abilities! This Angel knows that at a deeper level, we are all aware of each other's talents and gifts, some we resonate with on a personal level and some we do not. Yet the ones we do resonate with, we pray that these people will find the courage and the determination to find ways of expressing their talents with us! So too are so many others praying and waiting for the day when you will allow yourself to express your talents for them!

You may feel that you really don't have much of any sort of talent. This Angel says that indeed you have many! She has come to you today to remind you of these talents. Think of what you do with great ease, think of as fun and enjoyable to do, look forward to having more free time to do and that others have complimented you on in the past. This is something that you have a talent for! It may have started as a hobby or as an expression of love towards a friend or family member. And while it may seem to be a simply thing to you that anyone could do, it isn't. We all come in with a wide range of talents and what may seem simple and fun for you to do, may be a big challenge to someone else. What is so important for you to understand at this time is that this Angel wants you to grasp that other people really do need for you to express your own talents as fully as you can! The world is waiting and watching to see what you will do. How shall you respond?

You may know that you have certain talents and yet do not feel that they are really worth expressing or sharing with someone else because you think to yourself "others can do these things so much better than I can". Can you hear this Angel whispering in your ear "This is not truth! Only you can express a talent in your own style and way that is so needed on the planet at this time!" As I was typing this portion of the Angel Oracle and thinking to myself "is this really any good? Couldn't I be doing so much better with all of this?" a quote popped into my email inbox - "You are doing better than you think you are." - Alan Cohen

What a wonderful message from this Angel and how I love being able to pass it on now to you! Yes you may need to polish and work on your own talents. But "hiding them under a bushel" until you feel they are "worthy" of being shared is not ever going to help you feel good about what your talents are. And it only deprives others of the enjoyment and even healing they would have gained had you believed in this Angel and yourself. How often have I written something thinking it wasn't very good, had occasion to share it with someone else and then heard from them "what you wrote has made such a positive difference in my life". It may not have seemed like much to me at the time, yet to someone else, it made all the difference in the world. Can you also understand now that this Angel needs you to express your own talents because she knows someone is out there waiting for the healing and love that you can bring into their lives? Can you now begin to envision the possibility that you too have something valuable and important to share? Both this Angel and I pray that you do!

It may be that at this point in your life that you do not understand why you have drawn this Angel card. You may be facing a challenge that you were praying for an answer and guidance on. This card IS your answer! No matter what challenge you may be facing right now, this Angel is guiding you to use your talents in any way that you feel you can because it WILL help you overcome what you are facing! You do not need to wonder how exactly you are going to express your talents in ways that will attract worldwide attention. All you need do is start with where you are at right now. What small, simple baby-step can you take today? That is all you need to do. As you take one small step, and then another and then another, what you will find is that this Angel is working closely with you, helping you to know what the right next step is and insuring that the people and resources that you need are going to find their way to you. Your job is to focus on polishing and working with your talents as often as you can. Think of how good you feel when you are expressing and sharing your talents with others! Think of the joy your talents can bring to so many others! Think of all the times that someone has complimented you when you have been expressing your talents! Your contribution has already attracted more light and joy into the world. Give thanks for being the beloved channel for these talents that you are!

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Osho Zen Tarot

2009-01-29T19:52:00.000-05:00

21.Completion

Completion

This is the way of Zen, not to say things to their completion. This has to be understood; it is a very important methodology. Not to say everything means to give an opportunity to the listener to complete it.

All answers are incomplete. The master has only given you a direction... By the time you reach the limit, you will know what is going to remain. This way, if somebody is trying to understand Zen intellectually he will fail. It is not an answer to the question but something more than the answer. It is indicating the very reality....

The buddha nature is not something far away - your very consciousness is buddha nature. And your consciousness can witness these things which constitute the world. The world will end but the mirror will remain, mirroring nothing.

Osho Joshu: The Lion's Roar Chapter 5

Commentary:

Here, the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle is being put into its place, the position of the third eye, the place of inner perception.

Even in the ever-changing flow of life there are moments in which we come to a point of completion. In these moments we are able to perceive the whole picture, the composite of all the small pieces that have occupied our attention for so long. In the finishing, we can either be in despair because we don't want the situation to come to an end, or we can be grateful and accepting of the fact that life is full of endings and new beginnings.

Whatever has been absorbing your time and energy is now coming to an end. In completing it, you will be clearing the space for something new to begin. Use this interval to celebrate both - the end of the old and the coming of the new.

Osho Zen Tarot

Just Breathe!

2009-01-29T19:47:00.002-05:00

“Our lives can change with every breath we take.” From the movie, Where the Heart Is.

This phrase comes to my mind often. The verb change carries with it so much power, so much mystery and most of all, so much truth. How many of us have said “one minute he was fine, and the next minute, he was dead;” or something to the effect of “yesterday she was unknown, now she is famous.”

We are all just one breath away from some kind of change. Our body changes, our thoughts change, our emotions change with every single breath we take. This provocative thought puts a time-line on our actions and teaches us that life is not about change. Life is change.

Like the movie, we need to embrace change. Looking back to yesterday’s events is a waste of energy. How about tomorrow? Tomorrow isn’t here yet. Those breaths of tomorrow will be inhaled and exhaled when tomorrow comes.

How awesome is this? I am not the same person I was a breath ago. My breathing just naturally happens and with every new breath I take. I can breathe deeply and exhale any poisonous thoughts, negativity and allow new dreams and hopes that will await me when I draw my next breath.

You are probably thinking, what about tragedy? What if my next breath presents tragedy, sadness or disappointment? My answer: You can’t breathe ahead of time; you have to breathe tomorrow’s breath tomorrow. You will get to tomorrow by breathing today, one breath at a time.

Everyone is trying to predict if and when our economy will be healthy again or global warming events. Even the best meteorologist is not always right about weather predictions. So while we are waiting for answers, let us just enjoy each breath we take. Let us make every breath we take be fresh, deliberate and unwavering.

How many more breaths do I have? Not one of us knows how many breaths we have left before we die, but “Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it’s the moments that take your breath away.”

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